Planning Your Dreams

~~ Jeremiah29:11 (NIV) ~~  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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by Carley Cooper 

(Originally posted February 15, 2009 on SparkPeople.com.  Reposted as a guest post on "My Country Manse', May 15, 2013) 

Photo by Carley Cooper.  All rights reserved.

I was watching Oprah one day, (not a regular thing for me) and she had guests who were talking about a number of things that all had to do with improving yourself. One lady talked about a project that helped her put her dreams into reality, helped her with her self-esteem, and all around good improvement of her life.  This project was called a Vision Board.
 
I Want My Dreams to Become Reality!
A number of people talked about such things.  It's like putting the whole idea of affirmative thinking (which I heard about for the first time that day) into a physical project that you can see.  The idea behind the affirmative thinking is that you can 'make' good things happen just by picturing them in your mind as actually happening.  I had never heard of such things before, but it really intrigued me.  There's so much to learn and grasp when it comes to learning those things.  It's definitely not a natural instinct or 'common sense' as I've so often been told by others.  It's like everything else in life... it has to be leaned!

Anyway, this Vision Board, the lady had contained lots of pictures that she had cut from magazines.  Each little item or picture represented something in her life that was a dream, a wish, a goal of some sort.  She had pinned them all to a large poster board.  As her goals & dreams happened or changed she could change the pictures thereby always keeping it up to date. 

God Will Help You Make it Happen

I felt I just had to do this".  I got out a bunch of old magazines, and went through and cut out a lot of photos.  I also found some online and printed out.  Though, the problem is that I didn't have an extra cork-board like the lady on the show recommended.  I found a very nice cork-board at Winners with a beautiful frame around it.  The cost... $30.00.  Well... that doesn't sound like much to most people, but for me, trying to break my bad spending habits, this is a lot of money.  I figured I'd wait until "I could afford it".  So I placed my photos into a folder and set them aside.

One morning, I felt God talking to me so strongly about this Vision Board and the cork board.  I thought... "well, this is an investment in my health because it's something that is meant to help me improve myself".  When I saw the cork board at Winners last year they had only one on the shelf.  This morning when I felt God talking to me saying that I should finish this Vision Board I figured "the chances of them having another cork board like that one available is slim", but I'll go next door to the mall and if there's one there than I'll know for sure that it's God's way of saying "finish your Vision Board in the vision you see it as being completed".  Well... I went there and they had lots of cork boards... and it 2 different styles this time!

I got the board... I spent the afternoon completing the project and placed my photos of my dreams & goals all around it.  I pinned them on with some fancy thumb tacks and pins that came with the board.  I placed the word "God" at the center to represent God being the center of my life and the point at which everything comes from.  Closest to that I placed pictures and words that represent the most special and most important of my dreams.  Around that close to the frame I placed other pictures.  Each one having some special meaning and representation to me.  All of them being tied together in some way... everything from meeting Mr. Right, to traveling, to the type of relationship I need with Mr. Right when he comes along, to relationships & friendships that I'd like to fix, to dreams I've had, and SO much more.

God is in Charge
This project was another small step in so many I've taken that's all about trying to change my way of thinking, trying to change my bad habits, trying to change my life for the better by learning so many new things.  Eating well & losing weight is just one of those steps and goals to getting to a good life for me.  I've been reading so much about anything that involves improving myself whether it be about my weight, my health issues, my spirituality, my faith, everything!  With these tools I can change my life and get my life back on a good track finally… which I am doing. Every little good thing… is a big good thing… like the Vision Board.  Now I can look at it every day above my desk as I sit and I’ll never forget my visions, my dreams, and I’ll never forget that God is in charge and that I can’t give up faith.

Let’s Pray

 ~~ Dear God ~~  Wonderful, loving Father; so often I want to run with my own dreams and forget to include You.  Thank You for steering me back on track.  Please help Your dreams for my life become my dreams for my life.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It’s Your Turn

Thoughts?  Questions?  Want to share your story?  Ask for prayer?  Please consider sharing in the comments section; even if the link you clicked to get here was on another site.  (If you’re on the homepage, click on the post headline, and scroll down to find the comments section.)

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Worshiping in Your Dreams

~~ Ecclesiastes 5:3 (AmplifiedBible) ~~  For a dream comes with much business and painful effort, and a fool’s voice with many words.

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 by Carley Cooper

Photo Credit: MS Office Copyright Free Images

I’ve been known, all my life, to talk in my sleep but usually it’s only a word or two.  Even then I’m told I mumble so it’s not always legible.  Once I screamed so loud that scared it my cousin, who was at my house for a sleep-over, half to death.  Ever have one of those times when a dream seems so real that you’re not sure if it’s reality or not?  That happened to me last week.

Mommy, I had a Nightmare

I was having a lot of weird dreams for a few nights.  I don’t remember all the details but some of it made me feel very scared.  One night I woke up screaming again.  Another night was the opposite, and I was surprised when I woke up at what happened.

You Can Control Your Dreams

In my dream I told myself, that to get out of the scary situation and to protect myself from the beast after me, I had to protect myself with the Holy Spirit.  I thought to myself that my best option was to worship God.  I began singing.  I woke myself up singing “Amazing Grace”.

Jesus will Protect You Always

I think it’s great that even when I was scared in my dreams I knew to worship God.  I think it goes to show that my instincts are growing on my journey toward God.   It also shows that Jesus will protect us anywhere at any time; even in our dreams.

Like those bad dreams and I felt the need to be closer to God, life is the same way.  Once we’ve experienced the joy of knowing Christ, to go back into worldly ways can be scary.  To protect ourselves against the enemy, we have to focus on Jesus.

Let’s Pray

 ~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You for protecting me always.  Thank You for the opportunity to worship you, even in our dreams.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It’s Your Turn

Thoughts?  Questions?  Want to share your story?  Ask for prayer?  Please consider sharing in the comments section; even if the link you clicked to get here was on another site.  (If you’re on the homepage, click on the post headline, and scroll down to find the comments section.)

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Shattered Treasures

~~ Isaiah 40:29-31 (NIV84) ~~  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

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by Carley Cooper

Photo by Carley.  All copyrights reserved.

I used to own a tall glass curio cabinet.  It was about six feet high, two and a half feet wide, and one and a half feet deep.  It attacked me one day! 

The basic frame was wood but the doors and sides were glass, and the back of the cabinet was a large mirror.  Inside were five or six glass shelves.  I had this thing filled to its limits with all sorts of treasures.  I mean, it was packed!  Every piece in it was made of some sort of glass, ceramic, porcelain or crystal.  There was everything from wine glasses, to ornaments; and some special things that I had collected or had been given as gifts over my lifetime. 

No one told me there was a weight limit on a glass shelf.  Someone should have posted a warning sign.  I opened the door one day to put something inside on the top shelf, and the shelf collapsed.  Then, so did the next one underneath and the one under that one all the way to the bottom.  In the matter of seconds, the glass shelving and all the items inside showered out of the cabinet onto me, and down the floor in pieces around me. 

I screamed and my boyfriend, Paul, came wobbling over to see what the noise was.  He was a disabled guy so he couldn’t move fast.  He looked me standing there in my bare feet, shorts and a tank top surrounded by a huge pile of broken glass.  Thankfully I didn’t get any cuts, but it was only by the grace of God that I didn’t.  Paul had warned me at least a thousand times that if I didn’t start wearing shoes he was going to staple them to my feet.  Footwear on a regular basis was an issue for me, but I wished this day that I would have listened to him.  I just looked at him in the midst of my dilemma and started to cry.

“Don’t move a muscle” he said.  

He went to get some clean up supplies and I waited for him to rescue me from my predicament.   When it was all cleaned up I managed to salvage a few items; but most were completely useless because they shattered.  I ended up with a big box of broken glass to throw in the garbage.  So many of my special things were tossed into the trash dumpster outside our apartment building, and I was so disappointed.  What good are they if they’re broken?

Have you ever felt like one of those broken treasures that was tossed out because it was broken?   I have.  I feel it all the time.  How many things in your life have broken you?  My shattered pieces come from  a lot of abuse, divorce, Bipolar Disorder, addictions, loneliness, self hatred, a number of childhood traumas, social phobia, a lot of illness (especially as a child), the pain of being childless (not by choice) in a world built for parents; and so much more.  Before I knew the concept of having a relationship with Christ, I led a very worldly and sinful life.  Paul and I didn’t work out as a couple; but we are still good friends.  Despite our issues, I have always been thankful that he never rejected me because of my brokenness.  For the same reason I felt I had no right to reject him because of his disability.  Who am I to say what is broken or what is acceptable? 

There are many others who have judged me or rejected me because of things I’ve said or done; because of my brokenness.  The pain is overwhelming.  Truthfully, I am still learning how to deal with it.  People no longer want to be a friend; they stop loving me, they decide that they just want to wash their hands of me because I’m just not worth the trouble or that I come with too much history, or I am just too broken.  Well, I’m human.  That means I am broken.  Unless you were born yesterday, each and every one of us has a history which includes pain and suffering.  Not one of us has avoided hitting the floor to become shattered.  God made us to have relationship with each other; and it is necessary for a full productive, healthy life and spirit.  However, I can’t depend on others to rescue me every time I get in the midst of a chaos.  Though, I can’t help but wonder why it seems, sometimes, that I have a special talent for getting into so many mess’s.  Anyway, letting go of the need for the approval of others is one of the hardest lessons I am learning; but then, they are all hard lessons, or they wouldn’t be worth learning. 

Others may judge me harshly at times, but my own personal battle is that I judge myself even harder.  When I am down and broken I blame myself, and beat myself up the most.  I am hardest on myself always.  Why is that?  I’m not sure I know the answer really, but I think many of us are like that.  I do know that it’s about learning to forgive.  I can and have forgiven other people for many bad things.... everything from betrayal by a loved one to forgiving my abusers.  But, forgiving myself seems to be a much harder task to accomplish.  I have learned, though, that I never stop striving to get closer to Jesus.  I want to be like Him so much.  I have found a strength and determination inside myself that I never would have known was there if I hadn’t found Jesus.  Then, again, without Jesus in my life, it wasn’t there.  Pushing myself beyond my limits and the willpower to never quit has become a blessing more times than I can count.  It is overwhelmingly exhausting; but I have found that it is necessary, and a challenge that makes me feel very good once I’ve reached the goal. 

The most important thing that I have to remember though is the point that Jesus is carrying me.  I am not alone.  It is His approval that I need, not that of others.  He has great plans for my future.  If I have a dream, it’s because He put it there.  If I can’t let it go, it’s because He is constantly reminding me not to; and He does keep reminding me.  The pattern is there.  The stubborn and impatient part of me is sometimes fearful that it may not happen (those would be some fruits of the Spirit that are still works in progress in my life).  That’s when the enemy tells me lies such as it is all my fault, that I’ve messed up way too many times, that I have crossed that ‘line of no return’.  I should have known better, I tell myself.  I am stronger than that.  There is no excuse for not pushing harder, no matter how hard I already pressed forward.  There is no reason why I have to be broken.  If I wasn’t so broken, I wouldn’t be in this mess; maybe someone would love me.  But, Jesus does not reject me no matter how broken I am, and even when everyone else does.  He knows my history; even before it happened, yet He loves me anyway.  No matter how much I cry, or how many temper tantrums I throw, or how many pieces I am broken into; He loves me anyway.  As a matter of fact He dries my tears, He lets me be crabby and comforts me; and He tells me that I am a treasure and has already forgiven me!  His comfort is that even though I am broken it doesn’t matter.  I am still useful because He can fix it!   

How many people have rejected or judged you for something?  Have you hit rock bottom?  It’s a very cold and lonely place, isn’t it?!  Was there anyone to save you?  Reach up to take Jesus’ hand.  He loves you the same way.  He knows what you’re going through.  He is there to save and fix you always.  This video below is a song written and performed by my friend Chris Blakley.  It is called I May Be Down.  It has helped get me a very rough patch lately.  Listen to the lyrics.  It will tell you all that you need to know.  You can’t give up.  Don’t let anyone or anything keep you down.  Hold on to Jesus and that relentless drive inside to keep pushing forward.  For me, sometimes that means I have to sit and listen to this song over and over for half the afternoon before the message sinks in; but I don’t ever quit!

Hey friends, do me a favor if you would be so kind... Go to Chris's YouTube page, click 'Like', leave him a positive message and tell him Carley sent you!

(If you’re in the Barrie, Ontario area and would like to see Chris sing or preach; he will be in town once per month on a Sunday evening.  Email me and I’ll give you the deets to come out and join in the worship time.  Or, if you would like to get in contact with Chris for CD's, email me and I will put you in contact with him.  For my contact info see my Contact page).

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~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You for never giving up on me.  I am never permanently broken, never defeated, never rejected with You.  Thank You, Jesus; for the strength, courage, hope, drive, determination, passion to never give up.  And thank You for the hope.  Please, do not ever let me lose it.  ~I pray in Jesus name, AMEN.

Oh, and one more thing, Lord... on a more personal note, thank You for Chris and all that he does for us here in Barrie.  Please continue to provide him with the resources he needs to come to see us every month.  Thank You for his talent, his incredible energy, his love for Jesus, his gift for preaching and this awesome song You gave him.  Please let it be as much of a blessing to many others as it has been to me.  ~I pray in Jesus name, AMEN.

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Sliding On the Ice

~~ Psalm 25:15-16 (NIV) ~~   My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.

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by Carley Cooper

Playful Baby Polar Bear Sliding On the Ice
Free Source Photo.  No Copyrights Claimed

Sometimes it seems that no matter how many times I go through an experience; how many times God teaches me a lesson... and sometimes I even pass the test!... I still feel like it’s in one ear and out the other.  I wonder if this frustrates God much.  Personally, I get irritated when I have to repeat myself over and over to get a point across.  My patience level is limited.  I seriously can’t imagine how I don’t, sometimes, get on His very last nerve. 

Christmas is almost here.  I am honestly trying harder than I have in many years to keep a good outlook and to keep my focus away from the fact that I don’t have what others have to celebrate the season with.  There are many moments when I can honestly see a possibility that I could have a great Christmas without all that.  This is more than I’ve been able to see in past years; so this is a step forward.  I am truly thankful for that.  This morning, just when I needed it the most; I got advice from three different sources. 

First there was an inspirational message from a dear online friend by the name of Ravyna, who gives me so much advice and support when I need it.  She said “You are a Princess of the King, the Lord of Lords.  He promises to never leave you or forsake you.  He is always with you.  Always by your side, always there to listen to your needs.  Remember, Jesus looks at you and sees a princess, and wants you to rest in him.  Blessings.”  Honestly, this reminder that Jesus is the answer escaped me at first.  I saw it as meaning “as long as I’m lonely it means that I don’t love Jesus enough” or “if I truly love Jesus, I wouldn’t feel any loneliness”.  But, I am lonely sometimes.  And, some of those times, so much that I can have physical pain throughout my body.  During these times, the loneliness not only overwhelms me but so does the guilt.  I have overwhelming guilt over the fact that I feel lonely, because I think that it means I’m failing Jesus somewhere.  It’s hard for me to remember that these are lies whispered to me by the enemy.  That’s the problem with lies, deception and falsehoods... as long as you’re inside them looking out you can’t see that they are not real.  It’s only from the outside looking in that you can see the true picture.

Secondly, there was the ever present advice and support of my angel and friend (who I wrote about in an article called “Angels From Heaven”).  He told me this morning that “Loneliness is a legitimate feeling.  Jesus was surrounded by 12 of his friends most of his ministry and when he went to pray shortly before his death he invited his closest to pray with him.  Loneliness is an appropriate feeling to have.  Where we get into trouble is  how we at times seek to fulfill that need.  Jesus is with us all the time but he recognizes that we also need other people.  That is why he has given us Christian community.”  He finished with “Got to go for lunch.  There are some deviled eggs that are waiting for me in the fridge.  Have a good one.  As the shrink on Mash has said ‘Take my advice.  Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.’" 

Finally, there was a devotional message by Samantha Reed of Proverbs 31 Ministries called “All By Myself”.  If I didn’t know better, I would have thought she took the passage from my own journal.  I don’t mean the piece she wrote; but the story she told.  It is my story.  It is the story of so many people who spend the holidays hurting and lonely.  If the holidays are difficult for you, I highly recommend that you read this article.  She reminded me, again, that I have to focus on Jesus.  He will lead the way to a brighter future. 

Even though I am physically alone; and at times that hurts emotionally, mentally and physically; Jesus is always with me.  That doesn’t mean that I will have to be totally cool with being single forever and give up on my dreams.  It means that I have all the hope that Jesus has to offer that He has a plan for my future that is better than any dream or plan I could come up with.  God knows my needs down to the tiniest detail.  He created me and He loves me.  He can, and will, and does supply all of my needs... and that includes the dreams that He has put on my heart.  I am thankful that God has the patience to keep telling me things over and over again; to keep reminding me of lessons that I’ve already learned.  Hopefully these reminders, and these people that he has put in my life to help me, will get me through another Christmas season; or at least another day.  Though, more realistically; with the way I tend to fall and keep wanting to focus on myself instead of Jesus, it’s more  likely to be advice to carry me through the next fifteen minutes.  After that God may need to send me more encouragement.  But, I know if I need it that I will get it; because He never fails me when I need Him the most. 

So, at least for today... who wants to go sliding on the ice with me?

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~~ Dear Lord ~~    Help me to keep my eyes focused on Jesus for, I am lonely and afflicted.  Thank You for being so patient, merciful and gracious to me.  Help my heart to be free from the torment that I seem to be determined to carry with me.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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God: “You’re Gonna Do What?! LOL”

~~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV84)~~   “...For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ...”

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by Carley Cooper

"...and you thought that plan would work?!"

Microsoft Office Copyright Free Images

OK, so here is the plan for my life.  Please, pay close attention to this people because we are going to hit the ground running.  Nothing or no one is going to get in my way.  First, I am getting married to a wonderful man.  He will be tall, dark and super sexy.  He will have a wonderful sense of humor, and a great job earning a very good salary.  He will be my best friend and a fantastic lover.  He will have all his own teeth and hair; and worship my body and the ground I walk on.  We will spend our first few years traveling the world together.  Then we will have 4 kids; and they will be 2 boys and 2 girls, since every girl should have a sister as a BFF and every boy should have a brother for the same.  Since, pets are one of childhood’s greatest pleasures; our family will be complete with the addition of a dog, a hamster, and a couple of parakeets.  Every child should have a dog.  Finally, the last step is a great career that will be the ultimate in fulfillment.  It will be so enjoyable that it will not even feel like work.  Once these things are all done... and in that order, then we will be able to live a very healthy no-one-ever-gets-sick, happily ever after life.  Sounds like an awesome plan, if I do say so myself!  Does any of it ring a bell with you?  Sound even a little bit familiar?   

Well, here we are many years later (but wait...not too many.  I’m not that old.  LOL) and it seems that somewhere along the line when I turned my head for a minute my plan ran into a glitch.  Somewhere in the building of my life, the blue prints seem to have been misplaced and forgotten.  Things have not turned out like I had hoped.  Not even close!  So what really happened?  Well, it took me years longer than I planned to meet someone and get married.  Only for it to be short lived, and ended up with a divorce hearing on my 30^th birthday.  That certainly was not my idea or my choice, but I had to go along with it... both the divorce and the hearing date.  The babies did not have the opportunity to be born due to medical issues, failed attempts, and ever-off timing. 

Oh, and that wonderful career?  Well, that was a big stumbling block because I had no idea whatsoever what I wanted to do.  I did not go to university because no one told me that you could go before having every detail of your life planned out in advance.  I seriously thought I was the only one, and I was embarrassed by that so I told no one.  I turned down two acceptance letters to college because of this.  I was under the impression that if you were to going to school, you knew from day one why you were going and what the course plan was.  No one told me that you could go and figure out the details later.  Then, as time went on I always felt that I was too old, and it was too expensive.  Instead I chose a small community college that provided me with a diploma for skills that were already out of date when I completed the program.

Another unexpected and unplanned spark that burned all my life plans turned out to be health issues, which took over my life with a life of its own.  Then, the final fuel to the fire was that I ended up in some abusive relationships.  That certainly was not in my original plan either.

So where does my life sit today?  Well, I have survived a long string of traumas.  They are too much to go into here.  I intend on writing a book about it.  Wow!  Me, writing a book?!  I am told all the time that I have some natural talent for writing.  I take it as a wonderful compliment, but who would have ever thought?!  English-Lit was my worst subject in high school.  I have also been invited, recently, to be a guest speaker next year at a women’s retreat.  Me, a guest speaker?!  I am social-phobic, yet I am excited about this!  Hmmmm... isn’t that a contradiction?!  Anyway, I am being told that it is time for me to start sharing my story to inspire others.  Again, me an inspiration?!  If it wasn’t for the fact that these things are such a surprise to me, I would laugh at them!

I have been told quite a few times in recent weeks that I have affected people, in a positive way.  Along the route that my life has actually taken, I picked up a lot of knowledge and experience that can help people improve their lives by healthy eating.  I have another, smaller book, project that I am working on about healthy living.  It’s more of a booklet or a paper actually.  However, I have several people that are already interested in reading it, including a couple of people who work at the local hospital in the mental health department where they hope to share it with patients.  They are amazed at how I have improved my life and health through the discoveries that I have made by finding and changing patterns, and changing my diet.  There have been a few people who have told me that they are also noticing patterns now and changing things that are helping them improve their health and life, because of what I have told them about myself. 

I have another friend who is chasing a dream of opening a Christian Cafe / Karaoke Bar here in Barrie, Ontario because of encouragement that I gave her to never give up.  I never would have thought, on my own, to even consider that I could have such an impact on other people.  I feel such humility, and so very blessed by this.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.  Will I ever be a wife?  A mother?  A career woman?  An entrepreneur?  Only time will tell.  I never would have thought, or would have wanted; to plan such things as being a writer, or a guest speaker, or someone to provide health advice to others.  But these things are on my plate right now as very real possibilities. 

So many times in life we say things like “If only we had more money, we could buy that item we need so much”, and then we pray for it.  We never once stop to consider asking God what His plans are for our lives.  Whether we realize it or not, God is the one in control of our lives.  We either go along with His plan letting the Holy Spirit lead the way to happiness, and a future brighter than anything we could have ever come up with; or we try our own path and run into trials, troubles and problems.  Granted I know, and agree with, the thoughts that you are probably having right now that this can be easier said than done.  It is in our nature to want o be in control of our own lives.  Sometimes, I actually look up to God and ask Him “God, surely You can’t be serious about this?  So, I guess You think this is funny don’t you?!”  The truth is that my original plan would have led me to be a child of the world, and not of God.  My original plan did not include Jesus as a member of my family, let alone to take His rightful position as Head of my family!  My happiness would have been completely dependent on the world falling into place in a way that I needed it to.  Thinking about that now, really is funny!  How often does that happen?  My original plan was completely self-focused.  It did not include helping others in any way.  If I had followed my own plan, I would not have an impact on other people; and more importantly, I would not have a relationship with Jesus right now.  Neither, true happiness or my salvation would be possible.  It seems that old saying is true, “if you wanna make God laugh, just tell Him your plans”.

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~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You, that long before I was ever born, You had my life planned out for me.  Thank You for not letting me follow my own plan.  I am so very blessed to have gone through the trials and traumas that I have because they have brought me into a relationship with Jesus; and as such I will get to spend eternity with Him.  My future has never looked brighter.  Please continue to use me to bless others; and to let the Holy Spirit lead me, and mould my life.  I am anxiously waiting to see what wonderful blessings you have in store for me next.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Letter to My 18 Year Old Self

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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Carla - Age 18 - St. John's, Newfoundland

Have you ever wished you could go back and do things over again?  I do not think I know anyone who has not said at least once in their lives “If I could go back and do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would do it so differently”.  Maybe just to give yourself some advice would help so very much.  The idea of writing your younger self a letter is hardly a unique one.  I have read letters written by others to themselves and found them to be incredibly interesting, so I thought I would write one for myself.  The process of gathering information and bits of advice; and forming them into this letter, was a lengthy one.  It turns out, though, that this course has been as enlightening to me in the present day, as it would have been to my younger self, but for different reasons.  It seems that I have come through a lot of trials and trauma in my life.  I am a survivor.  I have grown to be a person that is incredibly strong, and I have enough experience to give some very good and practical advice to someone younger.  Most of all, I can see that I have grown, and am still growing, into a woman that I can be proud of. 

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Dear Carley,

Well, you are 18 now... legally an adult just starting your life.  I want to give you some advice to prepare you for the life you are about to embark on.  I know what your first thought is... “Who’s Carley?”  Carley is you... me... us!  It is what most people call you now.  It started as a pet name with just a slight change from Carla, and it stuck.  I let it happen because I like it, and I was on a journey to find and heal myself.  I need to create the me that I always knew was inside somewhere longing to get out.  She is the me in our dreams that few others have seen, and she got lost somewhere along the path tangled in the midst of a lot of pain.  I felt that God gave me the new name to go with the new me.  She is you, and one day she will be me again, only better than before.  The journey we are on did not have to be as difficult as it has been, though I am learning to be thankful for it. 

First; know that It is not only OK to be different, but it is cool.  I know that you cannot begin to wrap your brain around that concept right now, but one day you will see that people who are all the same are not original.  Being different makes you special... really!  Let go of all the bad memories from school when the kids laughed at you, made fun of you, and said nasty things.  They had their own hurt inside that they did not know how to deal with, and they took it out on you.  This applies to anyone throughout your life who says mean things to you; and there will be others.  It is not about you.  Let go of the pain before the nightmares start and you need therapy to get rid of them.  It is important to set boundaries for yourself; which you can do without being mean.  Also, keep in mind that others cannot see things from your point of view.  No matter what you say to others, they will not learn what ever lesson you are trying to teach them.  It takes your experiences to create your point of view.  Only you can ever have it.

When you get that letter from MUN, do not turn it down.  You will regret it for the rest of your life.  You do not need to know the whole plan for your life or what your major is before you start university.  Many, if not most, believe it or not, do not know what they want to do even after they start college.  You are not the only one who does not know.  It will help you find yourself, and help you figure out what your dreams are.  Dream big... do not limit yourself.  There are people there who will help you.  Do not focus all your attention on the one dream of becoming a Mother.  It is the equivalent of chasing your own tail.  Put it on the back burner.  Some of your dreams will not come to pass in the format you hope for; and if you continue to push away all other ideas, your life will one day be derailed.  Go to school.  Choose something that will allow you to express your creativity.  We love Interior Design (not Interior Decorating... turns out there is a difference); and toss in some business courses.  Also you will grow to love writing.  No matter what you do in life, business and writing will be useful.  On the side, do some photography courses.  It is so much fun!  Do not delay dreams like sky diving, underwater diving; or taking lessons in music, singing or dancing.  One day you will feel like it is too late.  Oh, and correspondence programs are not the same.  Do not settle for this.

Next, some things that I wish someone would have told me:

• Now that you have your license, get a car!  Do not put it off. 
• Travel.  Go anywhere and everywhere.  The world is not as scary as you think it is.  I know that going to St. John’s at first was overwhelming and terrifying; but it does not have to be.  Travelling is an adventure.  Enjoy it.
• Read more - for at least 30 minutes each day. 
• Eat right!  Educate yourself on how to achieve and maintain a healthy body.  Stay away from junk food, non-fat or low-fat anything (they are not as wonderful as the media will make you think they are).  Avoid anything made with white flour, or anything that says ‘enriched’.  Above all else avoid artificial sweeteners and processed foods.  If it comes in a box or a bag, chances are you do not want it.  Do your shopping in the produce and meat departments.  Buy only whole-grain breads and such items... not whole-wheat!  They are very important for good health.  Always go organic when you can.  Grab any opportunity to buy farm fresh unprocessed milk products.  Store-bought dairy are filled with chemicals, preservatives, hormones, and antibiotics; all of which are dangerous, and will affect your health!
• Exercise.  Every day!  Working out does not mean sports!  Go swimming, ride your bike; but you will find that power-walking is something you will fall in love with.  Hold on to it.  Oh, and do sit-ups daily, without fail.
• Wear a good support bra.  Go to a good lingerie store and get yourself properly fitted for one.  You are not wearing the correct size.  Do not even bother to look at the price tag.  Whatever it says, it is worth it!
• Do not mix money with friendship or family.  The two just do not mix well so do not even try.
• When the time comes and you find yourself watching a lot of TV, turn it off!  It is a nasty habit that was very hard for me to break; but now that I have I am so very thankful!
• Cut up the credit cards.
• Do not start taking antidepressants.  You have a right to say no.  Also, do not let them keep doing surgeries because of your ovaries.  There are other options.  Do not trust the advice of every doctor you see.  Read, research and know your rights before accepting care from a doctor.  Not all doctors know what they are talking about, even when they sound like they do.
• When Mom and Dad ask you to move to leave Newfoundland and go to Ontario with them; do not fight it.  It will be one of the best decisions you will ever make.  There is the most amazing world out there that you never imagined was there!
• Do not put Dad on a pedestal.  The view is not a realistic one.  You will never stop being Daddy’s little girl.
• Do not let Daphne and John, Charlene or Charlyse drift out of your life.  You will need them one day, and if you do not stay in touch you will have no one to turn to.  Life is lonely without friends.
• When, Graham comes along, know that you will be a best friends forever.  Do not let anyone tell you that having a guy for a best friend is wrong.  You will share a special friendship that so many do not get in their lifetime.  One day when an argument gets out of hand, do not let him walk out the door without making up first.  Ten years without him was much too long to wait to see my best friend.
• Shadow belongs with you.  Do not let him go.
• Roommates – you will have quite a few.  One named Lawrence is bad news!  Do not go there.
• Learn to enjoy being alone.  I know that is a concept that seems contradictory to you right now.  Loneliness is painful; but it can also be a wonderful time of solitude.  Learn to embrace that or it can eat you alive.

About men - do not believe everything that some sweet talking guy whispers to you... no matter how cute he is.  The boyfriend you have right now is not as loyal as you believe him to be.  Let that relationship go and move on.  I know it is very hard sometimes to tell the difference between lust and love, but they are worlds apart.  When you are young and know you are in love... you are not.  Real love will come along when you are truly ready for it and there will be no doubt.  Do not be so willing to give yourself to a man.  It will not make him love you.  In your twenties you will get an overwhelming amount of attention from men; especially on the beach and in bars, but beware, they are not chasing your heart.  Before you get married, make sure he loves you as much as you love him.  If there is any doubt, then getting married is the wrong thing to do.  Stop worrying about the clock.  There is no rulebook that says it has to happen by a certain age.  It is better to wait than to end up in divorce court on your 30^th birthday.  Finally, do not ever, ever, ever, let any man abuse you physically, mentally, emotionally or financially.  Do not give them power over you by falling for the guilt trips.  Be strong.

Paul deserves a special mention.  When he comes along, just know that his ego is just a facade to hide his big heart, but unlike most you will see through it immediately.  He will break your heart more than you ever imagined possible, but do not let that stop you.  You will share a bond that very few other couples in the world ever get to share; seriously!  You will even have people commenting on it on a regular basis.  Despite the heartbreak, the love is worth it.

Partying - drinking yourself stupid will not impress the kind of man you want in your life.  Partying is fun, but you need to keep it in perspective.  One day when Graham ties you to a chair and screams at you, listen to his message.  Do not fight it.  It will change the path your life is on.  Too much booze will bring you a lot of trouble and heartache.

Of all the lessons that you will learn, of all the advice that you can get from me or others; the most important thing and the most important decision that you will ever make is to invite Jesus to live in your heart.  Do it now!  Do not put it off.  Please look to God for all you need.  God wants you to have a relationship with Him.  Yes... a relationship with God!  I know that does not make any sense to you now, but once you open your heart, truly, to Jesus, you will begin to understand.  It will change your life.  Even the world around you will start to look different... more alive somehow.  God loves you!  Being a Christian is not limiting.  In fact, it is freedom.  It’s awesome!

Once Jesus is the focus of your life you will learn many things, understand things with much more clarity and get many blessings.  One of the greatest will be the gift of forgiveness.  However, first you have to understand that it is something you do for yourself, not for others.  This does not mean that you are telling them that what they did to you was OK; but truly forgiving opens up a whole world of new possibilities.  Always choose caring over uncaring, giving over passing by, give the benefit of the doubt over criticism or gossip or judging.  Do not lose faith in people.  They will hurt you, but they also are hurting; it is not about you.  Measure any kind of frustrations from others or indecisions by this standard... “Will this alter my life in 5 years from now... or even 1 year from now?”  If the answer is ‘no’ then do not give it another thought.  It is not important.

Keep smiling.  You are beautiful.  Please do not start hurting yourself because you think you deserve it for not being pretty.  You are wrong.  One day you will see that a lot of people will be telling you that, and they will mean it.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am a child of God.  I am beautiful.”  Then, believe it!  Every time you hurt yourself, or belittle yourself, it hurts God.  Do not let go of that bubbly personality that so many keep telling you is why they fell in love with you.  If you hide her inside, one day you will not know how to let her out again.  Life can get very lonely after that.

Do not ever quit!  Hold on to your dreams.  Follow your heart and do not be influenced by others; not even Mom and Dad.  You have to live in your body and live your life.  Do not ever hurt anyone to get there, but you have to make yourself happy first.  Learn to push yourself... hard!  You will come to treasure that about yourself.  Do not let anyone tell you that Prince Charming does not exist, or that any of your dreams is not realistic.  Anything is reasonable if you work hard and let God lead the way.  Do not let anyone talk you into limiting yourself like that.

So, my wonderfully innocent and naive young self, if you take nothing else from this message, just remember these things... first, that person who was hurting you before is the bad person.   It is not your fault.  Repeat after me “it is not my fault”.  You did nothing wrong.  Next, invite Jesus to be the center of your world, and learn to dance in the rain; because the rest will take care of itself in God’s wonderful timing.

Love always, 

Me

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 ~~ Dear God ~~    I know that I cannot go back and change my life.  I also know that no matter what plan I may have, what advice I may be given; that the plan You have already prepared for my life is the perfect path.  Despite all the bad decisions, wrong turns, disobedience, and sin that have caused so much pain and trauma; I know that You are leading me on my journey.  Thank You, Father for this journey.  Please teach me with each and every step all the lessons that I need to know to get closer to You.  Open my eyes and ears; along with my mind and my heart to be anxious, willing and able to receive the Holy Spirit.  Make me a disciple for Jesus that will make You proud.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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