How the Grinch Stole Christmas

~~ John 14:27 (NIV84)~~ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

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by Carley Cooper

Carley - Christmas 2011
Photo by M. Cooper

The new year is here Worshipers.  Have you made any resolutions?  Are you sticking to them?  Have you cheated on that diet, skipped a workout, or watched just one more episode of that TV show for old times’ sake?  I’ve been sticking to mine so far, but I’m pretty stubborn most of the time.  When I really set my mind to something I tend to hold on to it like a dog with a bone.  The fact that I made any resolutions is probably a step forward.  The only resolution I ever made before was that I would never make any resolutions!  I try to think of it more as ‘Goals’ instead of ‘Resolutions’.  It seems a little more solid somehow. 

Don’t you just hate it when you try so hard to hold on to something, only to get so weak because of the fight that you have no choice  but to let go; only to come to the realization “Wow, I really wish I didn’t hold on so long!”  Sometimes it’s even hard to remember why you were holding on so long in the first place.  It feels a little like someone told you that you’re wrong, or having to admit you were wrong.  Just based on that alone, I feel like I should hold on longer.  Now that Christmas is over that’s how I’ve been thinking... wishing that I hadn’t held on for so long.  If you read my last blog “Sliding on the Ice”, you’ll know that holidays are always very difficult for me; with Christmas being the worst.  It’s been almost two decades since I had a truly happy Christmas.  That is, until this year.  I was telling my doctor about this the other day.  He said “so what was different about this Christmas”.  Honestly, I had to say, “nothing”.  It was the same Christmas that my family has had every year since... well, always. 

Tigger Christmas-Tree
(The topper was accidentally cut off
in the shot... it was an angel Tigger)
Photo by Carley

We carted all our Christmas gifts and stockings to my brothers house.  After we piled them all around their Tigger Christmas-Tree, we practically filled up his living room.  Yea... the tree.  Well, my nephew, who’s 26 now (the baby of the family) has collected Tigger’s his whole life, so they decided to do a whole tree dedicated to Tigger and put all his little stuffed Tigger’s on the tree as the ornaments.  Well, except for a 6 foot inflatable one wearing a Santa hat, which had to sit outside the front door.  It’s a very happy tree actually.  I mean, have you ever seen a sad Tigger?  Anyway, I’m getting side tracked.  We have Christmas at my brother’s house because he has the biggest place.  His home can actually fit us all, along with all the stuff.  Well, I went to church on Christmas morning and had a wonderful time with my Church Family.  Then, I went to spend the rest of the day with my ‘other’ family at my brothers house.  By the time we got around to starting our gift-opening it was noon.  It’s a good thing we don’t have any little kids anymore... ‘cause it took us four hours to get them all open!  My first thought after it was done was “Wow, we really are in a society with way too much stuff”.  Anyway, we finally got around to eating my Mom’s Christmas Quiche for breakfast in the middle of the afternoon.  It was really yummy!  Then we finished off the feast with an awesome turkey dinner, a glass of wine, and way too many treats.  Also, really yummy!  I gained 10 lbs through December because of Christmas baking and Christmas eating (refer back to the resolutions section!)  The family spent the day laughing together, loving the family-time, listening to Christmas music, and watching a fake fireplace burning on my brothers big screen TV (which sits on top of the real fireplace).  Oh, yea, I almost forgot.  We also spent some time watching the 3 doggies learn to use their new little staircase that my dad built so they could get up on the bed by themselves!  Some Chihuahua’s are fast learners; others, not so much.  Anyway, I was on top of the world all day, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that we were celebrating Jesus’ birthday.  I had a truly happy Christmas.

So why was this year so different, when the past 18 years were so overwhelmingly painful?  Well, in a “nut shell”, the difference was that this year I let God join me for Christmas.  The very slightly longer version is this... I prayed for God’s peace to be with me for Christmas; then, there was a very timely sermon about God’s peace by Pastor Jenn, and I topped it off with a talk with Pastor Henry about it.  All this helped me learn to be open to the idea of having a good Christmas.  I allowed my heart to be open to let the Holy Spirit do His work within me. Boy, that was a long time to learn that lesson!

But wait, my lesson wasn’t over yet!  In the lobby of my apartment building there is an awesome Nativity set as part of the seasonal decorations.  I have one of my own that I sit on top of my fireplace and it’s very charming, but I love looking at the one in the lobby because it really is an incredible scene.  It makes me feel good when I look at it and think about the awesome gift that God gave us in Jesus.  Sometime during Christmas week, following Christmas Day, some Grinch stole the baby Jesus figurine from our lobby Nativity set.  Since then, I’ve thought about that fact many times.  I think, it’s obvious that someone wanted to show some sort of symbolization that Jesus doesn’t belong to Christmas.  The only thing that I can get out of my brain about the idea of this Grinch attempting to steal Christmas is “sad”.  That is, it’s just so very sad that someone could steal the baby Jesus.  Over and over this kept running through my mind. 

Then, it hit me.  That’s exactly what I did to my own Christmas’ for such a long time.  I wouldn’t let go of the misery that I needed in order to keep the focus on myself instead of Jesus.  I stole my own happiness, and refused to let God give me His peace.  So who’s the bigger Grinch?  Now, I just have to think “Wow, I really wish I didn’t hold on so long!”

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~~ Dear God ~~    Thank You for the awesome Christmas celebration of Jesus’ birthday.  Thank You, also; for the gifts, family time, fun, food and laughter.  Mostly Thank You for the most incredible gift of all when You gave us Your Son so that we may be saved from ourselves.  Please don’t ever let me hold on to any more pain that will steal Your peace from my heart on any holiday; or any day of the year.  Father, please let the person who stole the baby Jesus figuring also be open to seeing and receiving Your peace.  Please make them an awesome servant for Jesus.  Oh, and Lord; Thank You also for Tiggers and Chihuahuas.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Yuletide Cheer

~~ Luke 1:47 (NLT) ~~   How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!

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by Carley Cooper

It’s almost here!  Christmas, that is.  The excitement is in the air so thick you can practically smell it.  Do you have your tree and decorations up yet?  Are you finished your shopping?  Have you done your Christmas baking yet?  Oh, and don’t forget the Christmas cards!

We put ourselves through weeks of preparation for this day.  Hundreds or even thousands of dollars are spent for gifts that we don’t really want to buy so we can give them to relatives we don’t see the rest of the year because they get on our nerves so much.  Decorations are hung everywhere, and more food is prepared for that one day than we need for several days.  Then there’s the parties with eggnog spiked enough to knock out a black bear.  We write out so many Christmas cards to people we never see or talk to that we get writer’s cramp; and keep the post office in business for another year.   Weeks are spent baking fruit cakes that have the daily caloric limits to keep the average healthy elephant going for several days. 

Have you ever stopped to wonder why we do so much for what is essentially one day?  We put up a tree... inside the house.  I mean, think about it for a minute.  A tree?  In the house?  Does that not strike you as just a tad bit odd?  Only to put all sorts of completely useless and colourful doo-dads on it.  And we finish it off by letting some strange fat guy come into our house in the middle of the night where gets to eat our snacks, and have the freedom to snoop to his heart’s content around the house and we are be none the wiser.  Oh, have you ever stopped to notice that not only has he not shaved in... forever... but he has also been wearing the same coat and pants for decades?  Truthfully, I’m not sure I would want my kids sitting on this old guys knee.

What is the excitement about anyway?  Do you even get excited?  Some of us have a difficult time through the Christmas season.  It’s been about 18 years since I’ve had a truly great Christmas.  It’s a very long story, but the bottom line is that it’s been a long time since I’ve looked forward to Christmas.  It is a very emotionally draining time of year for me.  When the Yuletide Cheer was handed out, I seem to have missed getting my portion.  There’s one person out there who got a double shot of joyfulness; and who’s just a little bit too cheery; and it isn’t from the eggnog. 

I put my Christmas tree up last week.  That alone was emotionally draining for me.  But wait... it wasn’t decorated yet.  I mean, literally, just putting the tree up.  And it’s only a small tree about 3.5 feet tall sitting on top of a small table; which I have to stick with because of space issues.  I am proud to say, though, that I haven’t killed any trees for my own pleasure in many years.  I’ve stayed with some very nice artificial trees.  Anyway, since I put it up last week, it took me all whole week to force myself to put any decorations on it, which I did yesterday.  The place looks nice.  Except I wasn’t feeling it.

This morning, when I got up I showered and got ready to go to church.  Except, that I had no interest in going and my joy was completely nonexistent.  The tension has been building inside me for a couple months at the thought of Christmas coming.  This past week was the worst, and the height of that was since yesterday.  I have been questing a few important things in my life in the past week.  I talked with my Pastor in a counselling session a few days ago, about the doubts that I’ve been having.  I have had strong believe for certain things in my life for a long time.  One of these things didn’t come to pass.  It made me question my faith; if it was placed right.  If I could be so wrong about one thing, than how do I know that I’m not wrong about more important things?  My vision of the future became very bleak.  I wondered if I am to spend the rest of my life in this same struggle.  Will it ever end,  or if I should try to come up with a solution to my issues and go out and solve it myself. 

Well, I forced myself to go to church because I know that in the past when I have been in this state of mind, going to church has always been a wise move.  Today was no exception.  Being the second Sunday of Advent, the sermon was about... wouldn’t you know it... about “Joy”.  I went and spent the first half of the service trying to hold back tears because of how I was feeling inside.  Then I heard the message of the day.  God definitely wanted me to hear this sermon today. 

Pastor said that as a culture, we are confused and disoriented about Christmas.  When the angel appeared to Mary to tell her she would conceive a child; she didn’t exactly jump for joy.  Mary was “confused and disturbed”.  I try to put myself in her place.  How would I feel if God said that I was chosen to give birth and be a Mother to the One who would save the world?  I’m not sure, but I think I would panic at the very least.  I mean, my first thought is “but God, I’m having a hard time just with writing a book.”  However, Mary took the angel at his word, and decided to obey God.  Then  she went to visit her cousin who she could talk to; who she knew would understand, support and encourage her.  After being obedient, Mary found true joy.  It is by being obedient that we are rewarded with try joy.  (Luke 1:26-47 (NLT))

Pastor asked us if we were hearing from God, as Mary did.  He said that we will always hear from God in many ways in our lives.  He said that we probably feel like it’s shaking up our lives and rattling our cage.  It’s confusing and scary.  My thought was “yep, that sounds familiar!”  But if we surround ourselves with supportive people, and vow to take God at His Word, and obey Him; we will find joy. 

After the sermon I went to the prayer rail and cried; partly because I needed to let out all the emotion inside me and also because I was thanking God for how well He takes care of me.  God knows that I want so very much to obey; but when I need someone the most, that’s when I’m least likely to reach out.  So, He sends people to me.  For example, yesterday when I was feeling overwhelmingly lonely and alone; my friend Jeff from Myrtle Bach popped up on Skype.  The conversation got around to where he was telling me that when Jesus taught us how to pray He said we are to ask that God “give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:9-13 (NIV84)).  Jeff said that means ‘Today’; not tomorrow, or next week.  We are to pray for what we need on this day.  Tomorrow will take care of itself (Matthew 6:34 (NIV84)).  Yesterday, I needed someone to talk to, and God gave that to me at the moment I needed it the most; along with a great message of guidance and support.  Today, He gave me what I needed to hear to realize that I am on the right path.  I don’t have to try to fix my own issues.  God has a plan, and as long as I stay on this track and obey; joy is at the other end. 

I got out of service today, and had another pep talk from a wonderful friend, Garry which topped off what we had just heard.  I told him that every year for many years I have only asked for one thing.  Every year I don’t get it.  Garry asked me if I was asking for what I wanted for Christmas, or what God wants for me.  I had never thought of it like that before.  He was right.  I have been asking for what I want in my life, not what He wants in my life.  I left there feeling like there is a real possibility that I may have a great Christmas this year.  Where do you find your Christmas cheer?

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In my life, the cultures that I have been blessed to be part of, at times, during the Christmas season wish each other a Merry Christmas in the following ways.  How do you say it?

English – Merry Christmas

French – Joyeux Noel

Portuguese – Feliz Natal

Here’s a video of everyone’s old Spanish favourite...  Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano

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~~ Dear God ~~   Thank You for the joy, and the path of obedience that you are taking me on to find it.  Please help me to keep Jesus at the center of my Christmas cheer, and to never lose sight of that.  Help me never to forget that neither fruitcake, decorated trees or fancy wrapping paper will ever bring me the joy that only You can bring.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Aunt Sadie’s Encouragement

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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by Carley Cooper

Aunt Sadie & Carla (early 1990's)
Candid Photo Shot by Marj Cooper

I have a plaque that is about 7.5” x 5”, and it has one of those little flaps on the back, like a picture frame, that allows you to stand it on a table top or shelf.  The front of it is a sliver plate, with the bible verse from Philippians 4:13 written on it “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  This little treasure belonged to my Aunt Sadie once.  She has gone to be with the Lord now.  Cancer took her away from us in 2005.  When she passed, this little keepsake was one of a couple things that I asked for that was hers.  The other item is a marble collection that she had; that was made into a sun catcher for the window.  I keep both of these things in my living room and I think of her every day when I see them.  The reason I chose this particular plaque was because Philippians 4:13 was her favorite bible verse. 

Aunt Sadie was one of those super special women.  I think all of us cousins, in my family; felt she was a favorite Aunt.  There are a lot of cousins and a lot of Aunts and Uncles in our bunch.  Aunt Sadie, though, didn’t live in Newfoundland where most of the rest of us lived.  Aunt Sadie lived in Albany, New York.  We only ever got to see her every 5 years or so when they came for a visit.  Oh, how we enjoyed those visits!  It was the highlight of our summer.  Actually, it was more like the highlight of our year!  What I remember most about her was that Aunt Sadie always talked to me like I was a real person.  What I mean by that is she never talked down to me like other adults tend to do with kids.  She talked to me like I counted for something; like what I had to say, no matter what it was, was important and interesting.  Then she would always give me advice.  Never once did she tell me to stop being so silly, or so childish, or to get over it. 

Little did I know how special Philippians 4:13 would come to mean to me as well since then.  In the past few years I’ve been through some of the most difficult times of my life.  Knowing that Christ brings me more than enough strength to carry me through any trial has come to be of incredible comfort to me when I felt like I was otherwise alone in the world.  Well, I am about to embark on an adventure, of sorts, that requires I need every bit of God’s strength and guidance that He is willing to give me.  See, starting tomorrow, I will begin serious writing on my book.  Remember the book I mentioned, in my last blog post, that I want to write about my story?!  Well, I have been making notes and coming up with ideas about this project for quite a while now.  I didn’t think I was ready to start doing any serious writing yet.  My thoughts were that sometime next year I would be ready to begin. 

Then, a few days ago I got an email from my beautiful friend, Brenda Wood.  She told me that she and a couple of her friends have entered a writing challenge on a website called “National Novel Writing Month”.  The challenge is to write 50,000 words... a novel.... in November!  Yep... the whole thing is to be written in only a month; or the first draft of it anyway.  As is Brenda’s usual way with encouragement, I was convinced.  I need to start this book now.  It’s time to stop delaying, puttering around, and coming up with excuses.  I am tempted to say that she talked me into it.  However, she only made the suggestion.  It was God that talked me into it.  I am excited and looking forward to this chapter of my life.  I am also scared half to death.  See this project means going through a lot of emotion to remember the most painful things; as well as the best parts, of my life.  When I am done, my whole life will literally be an open book for all to read.  The good, the bad, and the ugly will all be in print, with my name on the cover. 

I can’t help but look at this little plaque on my bookshelf in front of me and think “Thank You, Lord for that strength.  I need it now more than ever”.  It will be the leading of the Holy Spirit that will get me through this time; and the days, weeks and months to follow.   There are things that will upset a few people.  I know that; but I cannot show the glory of God, or grow closer to Him, by hiding things.  Showing the miracles that He has worked in my life; and inside my heart is one of my goals.  I have to be willing to lay it all out in the open or Jesus cannot carry it for me.  Hebrews 4:13 tells us that nothing is hidden from His sight, and that we must give account for everything.  “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account”.  Unless I open my life and leave nothing in the dark, I will be useless to Him.  The strength of Jesus will carry me when my energy is gone because I am feeling beaten, battered, exposed, judged, and possibly even hated; by others.  In the end, the only opinion that should / will alter my life in any significant way is that of Jesus. 

I hear God’s gentle voice talking to me.  I feel the tug of the strings of my heart about this project.  It is the right thing to do at this time.  I can also hear Aunt Sadie’s encouragement telling me that I can do it; and that He will be with me every step of the way.

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~~ Dear God ~~    Please guide my every word as I write.  Make my story one that will help others, help me to grow closer to You; and show Your awesome glory.  Thank You for using me to do these things.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Letter to My 18 Year Old Self

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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Carla - Age 18 - St. John's, Newfoundland

Have you ever wished you could go back and do things over again?  I do not think I know anyone who has not said at least once in their lives “If I could go back and do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would do it so differently”.  Maybe just to give yourself some advice would help so very much.  The idea of writing your younger self a letter is hardly a unique one.  I have read letters written by others to themselves and found them to be incredibly interesting, so I thought I would write one for myself.  The process of gathering information and bits of advice; and forming them into this letter, was a lengthy one.  It turns out, though, that this course has been as enlightening to me in the present day, as it would have been to my younger self, but for different reasons.  It seems that I have come through a lot of trials and trauma in my life.  I am a survivor.  I have grown to be a person that is incredibly strong, and I have enough experience to give some very good and practical advice to someone younger.  Most of all, I can see that I have grown, and am still growing, into a woman that I can be proud of. 

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Dear Carley,

Well, you are 18 now... legally an adult just starting your life.  I want to give you some advice to prepare you for the life you are about to embark on.  I know what your first thought is... “Who’s Carley?”  Carley is you... me... us!  It is what most people call you now.  It started as a pet name with just a slight change from Carla, and it stuck.  I let it happen because I like it, and I was on a journey to find and heal myself.  I need to create the me that I always knew was inside somewhere longing to get out.  She is the me in our dreams that few others have seen, and she got lost somewhere along the path tangled in the midst of a lot of pain.  I felt that God gave me the new name to go with the new me.  She is you, and one day she will be me again, only better than before.  The journey we are on did not have to be as difficult as it has been, though I am learning to be thankful for it. 

First; know that It is not only OK to be different, but it is cool.  I know that you cannot begin to wrap your brain around that concept right now, but one day you will see that people who are all the same are not original.  Being different makes you special... really!  Let go of all the bad memories from school when the kids laughed at you, made fun of you, and said nasty things.  They had their own hurt inside that they did not know how to deal with, and they took it out on you.  This applies to anyone throughout your life who says mean things to you; and there will be others.  It is not about you.  Let go of the pain before the nightmares start and you need therapy to get rid of them.  It is important to set boundaries for yourself; which you can do without being mean.  Also, keep in mind that others cannot see things from your point of view.  No matter what you say to others, they will not learn what ever lesson you are trying to teach them.  It takes your experiences to create your point of view.  Only you can ever have it.

When you get that letter from MUN, do not turn it down.  You will regret it for the rest of your life.  You do not need to know the whole plan for your life or what your major is before you start university.  Many, if not most, believe it or not, do not know what they want to do even after they start college.  You are not the only one who does not know.  It will help you find yourself, and help you figure out what your dreams are.  Dream big... do not limit yourself.  There are people there who will help you.  Do not focus all your attention on the one dream of becoming a Mother.  It is the equivalent of chasing your own tail.  Put it on the back burner.  Some of your dreams will not come to pass in the format you hope for; and if you continue to push away all other ideas, your life will one day be derailed.  Go to school.  Choose something that will allow you to express your creativity.  We love Interior Design (not Interior Decorating... turns out there is a difference); and toss in some business courses.  Also you will grow to love writing.  No matter what you do in life, business and writing will be useful.  On the side, do some photography courses.  It is so much fun!  Do not delay dreams like sky diving, underwater diving; or taking lessons in music, singing or dancing.  One day you will feel like it is too late.  Oh, and correspondence programs are not the same.  Do not settle for this.

Next, some things that I wish someone would have told me:

• Now that you have your license, get a car!  Do not put it off. 
• Travel.  Go anywhere and everywhere.  The world is not as scary as you think it is.  I know that going to St. John’s at first was overwhelming and terrifying; but it does not have to be.  Travelling is an adventure.  Enjoy it.
• Read more - for at least 30 minutes each day. 
• Eat right!  Educate yourself on how to achieve and maintain a healthy body.  Stay away from junk food, non-fat or low-fat anything (they are not as wonderful as the media will make you think they are).  Avoid anything made with white flour, or anything that says ‘enriched’.  Above all else avoid artificial sweeteners and processed foods.  If it comes in a box or a bag, chances are you do not want it.  Do your shopping in the produce and meat departments.  Buy only whole-grain breads and such items... not whole-wheat!  They are very important for good health.  Always go organic when you can.  Grab any opportunity to buy farm fresh unprocessed milk products.  Store-bought dairy are filled with chemicals, preservatives, hormones, and antibiotics; all of which are dangerous, and will affect your health!
• Exercise.  Every day!  Working out does not mean sports!  Go swimming, ride your bike; but you will find that power-walking is something you will fall in love with.  Hold on to it.  Oh, and do sit-ups daily, without fail.
• Wear a good support bra.  Go to a good lingerie store and get yourself properly fitted for one.  You are not wearing the correct size.  Do not even bother to look at the price tag.  Whatever it says, it is worth it!
• Do not mix money with friendship or family.  The two just do not mix well so do not even try.
• When the time comes and you find yourself watching a lot of TV, turn it off!  It is a nasty habit that was very hard for me to break; but now that I have I am so very thankful!
• Cut up the credit cards.
• Do not start taking antidepressants.  You have a right to say no.  Also, do not let them keep doing surgeries because of your ovaries.  There are other options.  Do not trust the advice of every doctor you see.  Read, research and know your rights before accepting care from a doctor.  Not all doctors know what they are talking about, even when they sound like they do.
• When Mom and Dad ask you to move to leave Newfoundland and go to Ontario with them; do not fight it.  It will be one of the best decisions you will ever make.  There is the most amazing world out there that you never imagined was there!
• Do not put Dad on a pedestal.  The view is not a realistic one.  You will never stop being Daddy’s little girl.
• Do not let Daphne and John, Charlene or Charlyse drift out of your life.  You will need them one day, and if you do not stay in touch you will have no one to turn to.  Life is lonely without friends.
• When, Graham comes along, know that you will be a best friends forever.  Do not let anyone tell you that having a guy for a best friend is wrong.  You will share a special friendship that so many do not get in their lifetime.  One day when an argument gets out of hand, do not let him walk out the door without making up first.  Ten years without him was much too long to wait to see my best friend.
• Shadow belongs with you.  Do not let him go.
• Roommates – you will have quite a few.  One named Lawrence is bad news!  Do not go there.
• Learn to enjoy being alone.  I know that is a concept that seems contradictory to you right now.  Loneliness is painful; but it can also be a wonderful time of solitude.  Learn to embrace that or it can eat you alive.

About men - do not believe everything that some sweet talking guy whispers to you... no matter how cute he is.  The boyfriend you have right now is not as loyal as you believe him to be.  Let that relationship go and move on.  I know it is very hard sometimes to tell the difference between lust and love, but they are worlds apart.  When you are young and know you are in love... you are not.  Real love will come along when you are truly ready for it and there will be no doubt.  Do not be so willing to give yourself to a man.  It will not make him love you.  In your twenties you will get an overwhelming amount of attention from men; especially on the beach and in bars, but beware, they are not chasing your heart.  Before you get married, make sure he loves you as much as you love him.  If there is any doubt, then getting married is the wrong thing to do.  Stop worrying about the clock.  There is no rulebook that says it has to happen by a certain age.  It is better to wait than to end up in divorce court on your 30^th birthday.  Finally, do not ever, ever, ever, let any man abuse you physically, mentally, emotionally or financially.  Do not give them power over you by falling for the guilt trips.  Be strong.

Paul deserves a special mention.  When he comes along, just know that his ego is just a facade to hide his big heart, but unlike most you will see through it immediately.  He will break your heart more than you ever imagined possible, but do not let that stop you.  You will share a bond that very few other couples in the world ever get to share; seriously!  You will even have people commenting on it on a regular basis.  Despite the heartbreak, the love is worth it.

Partying - drinking yourself stupid will not impress the kind of man you want in your life.  Partying is fun, but you need to keep it in perspective.  One day when Graham ties you to a chair and screams at you, listen to his message.  Do not fight it.  It will change the path your life is on.  Too much booze will bring you a lot of trouble and heartache.

Of all the lessons that you will learn, of all the advice that you can get from me or others; the most important thing and the most important decision that you will ever make is to invite Jesus to live in your heart.  Do it now!  Do not put it off.  Please look to God for all you need.  God wants you to have a relationship with Him.  Yes... a relationship with God!  I know that does not make any sense to you now, but once you open your heart, truly, to Jesus, you will begin to understand.  It will change your life.  Even the world around you will start to look different... more alive somehow.  God loves you!  Being a Christian is not limiting.  In fact, it is freedom.  It’s awesome!

Once Jesus is the focus of your life you will learn many things, understand things with much more clarity and get many blessings.  One of the greatest will be the gift of forgiveness.  However, first you have to understand that it is something you do for yourself, not for others.  This does not mean that you are telling them that what they did to you was OK; but truly forgiving opens up a whole world of new possibilities.  Always choose caring over uncaring, giving over passing by, give the benefit of the doubt over criticism or gossip or judging.  Do not lose faith in people.  They will hurt you, but they also are hurting; it is not about you.  Measure any kind of frustrations from others or indecisions by this standard... “Will this alter my life in 5 years from now... or even 1 year from now?”  If the answer is ‘no’ then do not give it another thought.  It is not important.

Keep smiling.  You are beautiful.  Please do not start hurting yourself because you think you deserve it for not being pretty.  You are wrong.  One day you will see that a lot of people will be telling you that, and they will mean it.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am a child of God.  I am beautiful.”  Then, believe it!  Every time you hurt yourself, or belittle yourself, it hurts God.  Do not let go of that bubbly personality that so many keep telling you is why they fell in love with you.  If you hide her inside, one day you will not know how to let her out again.  Life can get very lonely after that.

Do not ever quit!  Hold on to your dreams.  Follow your heart and do not be influenced by others; not even Mom and Dad.  You have to live in your body and live your life.  Do not ever hurt anyone to get there, but you have to make yourself happy first.  Learn to push yourself... hard!  You will come to treasure that about yourself.  Do not let anyone tell you that Prince Charming does not exist, or that any of your dreams is not realistic.  Anything is reasonable if you work hard and let God lead the way.  Do not let anyone talk you into limiting yourself like that.

So, my wonderfully innocent and naive young self, if you take nothing else from this message, just remember these things... first, that person who was hurting you before is the bad person.   It is not your fault.  Repeat after me “it is not my fault”.  You did nothing wrong.  Next, invite Jesus to be the center of your world, and learn to dance in the rain; because the rest will take care of itself in God’s wonderful timing.

Love always, 

Me

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 ~~ Dear God ~~    I know that I cannot go back and change my life.  I also know that no matter what plan I may have, what advice I may be given; that the plan You have already prepared for my life is the perfect path.  Despite all the bad decisions, wrong turns, disobedience, and sin that have caused so much pain and trauma; I know that You are leading me on my journey.  Thank You, Father for this journey.  Please teach me with each and every step all the lessons that I need to know to get closer to You.  Open my eyes and ears; along with my mind and my heart to be anxious, willing and able to receive the Holy Spirit.  Make me a disciple for Jesus that will make You proud.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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