by Carley Cooper
It’s day three of
the 15 Habits of Great Writers challenge. Just to recap for those new to this series:
- On day one the assignment was ‘Declare’; that is to tell the world that ‘I am a Writer’.
- Day two, was to Believe that ‘I am a Writer’. The most important thing I need to do this is faith; in God, so that my fears can be overcome and His blessings will be free to flow.
The third habit
of great writers Jeff Goins says is to ‘Initiate’. A great writer will initiate that ‘big’
project they’ve always wanted to do; that thing that we’ve always delayed
because of our fears. Great writers, and
great people in general, push through the fears and come out on top with a
finished project. Successful,
bigger-than-life people, don’t just dream; they do.
Well, technically
I’ve already done that; started my big writing project that is. As a matter of fact, it half done. Though I started in a few years ago, I’ve
been working on it, seriously, for seven months now. But, like most issues in my life, nothing is
ever quite that cut and dried with me.
Things are always big and dramatic; which is a Bipolar Disorder (BPD) symptom. I have
initiated my project, but there is still more important initiation to be done
before I can progress toward being a great writer.
Like, yesterday’s
assignment, as I did some reading, and some soul searching, God spoke to me
about some important things. Part of
these wonderful habits I’m learning, that I need, is that I write every
day. Honestly, that’s one habit that I really
have to work on a lot. If I really sat
down to write every day, my book would probably be finished by now. I keep telling myself that I’m too busy to
write every day, or I’m not disciplined enough, or I need some time management
skills, or my health issues have take priority.
Granted all these are true, but they are all great excuses to delay
completion of this book. It seems that fear of success is not new and unique.
I came to realize that one of my
fears likely is of being successful. You
see, I was also one of those kids that Jeff Goins talks about that wanted to be
chosen to be part of the
team. The difference is that I never
yelled “Pick me.” I desperately wanted to be picked to play;
but my biggest fear was also that I would be, so I would go to the back of the
group in hopes that I would be overlooked and forgotten.
If you’re a
regular follower than you’ve already heard me mention that I have been
extremely Social Phobic my whole life. I am changing, and how that’s been happening
is a big part of my story that I’m writing in this book. God has done amazing transformation within
me. But, again, I am not a finished work
just yet. Changing my thinking patterns
started out a few years ago with a conscious goal and effort, by positive
affirmations written on index cards. This
is a very complex issue, and positive affirmations alone probably won’t win the
battle, but it will help a great deal. It’s
been a great contributor to the progress I’ve made in changing my thinking
patterns; and overcoming Social Anxiety (SAD) and Bipolar dragon I fight every day. Part of my assignment for today was to write
down in a secret place “I am a ____”, and tuck it away for another day. Mr. Goins says “Yes, this is hokey, and yes, I want you to do it, anyway.” My first thought was “No, it’s not hokey. It is another positive affirmation to add to
my stack of cards, bible verses, and the sticky notes on my mirrors.” I saw this as just another small confirmation
from God, that this is the right direction for me to be following. Of course, I also think it could be God’s
sense of humor happening here since “hokey”
is how I’ve felt my whole life, about myself.
Maybe that’s a sign that it is.
Either way, it works for me.
Another
revelation in my prep work today was that some of my issues are, at least in
part, enforced by other sources. I
seriously wonder why my life didn’t seem to go the way that everyone else
has. Part of it is the SAD and BPD, I know
that. I also know that most BPD
sufferers, though they go through much trauma wouldn’t push a button to be
released from their Bipolarity in exchange for “normal” if they could. I feel the same way. As much as I have longed to fit it, I’m
learning that this is different than being ‘normal’. I seriously thought for many years, that I
was the only one who didn’t know what their dreams were. I was very embarrassed about it, would never
mention it, and made big decisions based on it.
I’ve learned, thanks again to Mr. Goins, that feeling different, and having
difficulty combining creativity and productivity does not completely stem from
mental health disorders or negative thinking.
They are also issues with creative personalities; as are things like not
wanting to submit to authority, super sensitivity, associating our identity with
our work, having problems receiving constructive criticism, selling anything
(including ourselves), and having a habit of beating ourselves up the
most. So it seems that it’s just who I
am. There’s no getting away from
it. God reinforces everything worthwhile
in our lives. Not only I am different because
of these issues, but because I am a child of God that is called to be different
(Luke14:25-27 (ERV)). Of course, now
that I am coming to terms with my differentness; Jeff Goins says “There’s just
one catch: Weird isn’t weird anymore!” It’s the norm these days. Huh! Well,
it’s about time!
God has taught me
in recent years, that stepping out of my comfort zone is something He will
absolutely insist on. However, He’s also
shown me that despite the pain it can cause sometimes, that I like to challenge
myself. This is new and exciting for me.
Granted, it’s maybe thirty years late,
but I’ve finally come to know in my heart what my dream is. That thing that I am meant to do with my
life; I am a writer. It is me, and the
confirmation everywhere. It’s OK to be
different. It’s who I am. I have initiated my big project already. Pastor Henry, has told me a hundred times
that “God does not waste anything.” In
this case, it’s my BPD and its effect on my creativity. When I’m in a mania period, my creativity
sours. This is one of the reasons why
BPD suffers wouldn’t choose to be ‘normal’.
There are some BPD sufferers that even have talents that they don’t have
otherwise. It’s a wonderful feeling, and
my writing really is so much better during those times. So, not only am I a writer who’s writing, I
have the God-given creative talent that I need to complete it.
However, there is
still another initiation that needs to be done in order for me to go as far as
He wants me to in this expedition toward the goal of becoming a great
writer. The assignment for today is to “start something you’re scared of”. Yea, thanks for the tip Jeff, but it’s the ‘scared’
part that bothers me. In order for me to
fulfill my calling, and complete one of my biggest dreams, I have to step out
of my comfort zone and be social. I have
to mingle with the world more. It is a common
SAD trait that we tend to choose vocations that keep us in the ‘safe zone’ away
from the world. I am fully aware that
this is probably one of the reasons why I like being a writer. I can do it as much as I want, for as long as
I want, and I don’t have to leave my apartment very often. That something, that I have to initiate in order for my dream, and
His will, to be done is that I have to become a real functioning, participating
human being. Shoot! There’s always a catch! Of course, God has a plan. This week there are two social functions that
I have to participate in. Deep inside, I’d rather listen to fingernails
on a chalk board than go to these shin-digs; but growing wouldn’t be productive
in strengthening us if it wasn’t painful.
Initiation, launched... and there is a blessing waiting for me on the
other end.
~~ Dear God ~~ Thank You for making those of us who are
creative the way we are. Hokey is a good
thing. Without the hokey people,
everyone would be the same. How boring would
that be? Please help us step out of our
comfort zones, embrace the hokey side; and let our creativity flow in such a
way that Your glory will shine through in every creative work. Then, use our works to bless others in the
world. In Jesus name, AMEN.
