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What to Do When You’re Alone at the End of Your Rope

~~ 1 Kings 19:4 (NIV) ~~  while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.




Houses on cliffs in Málaga
Microsoft Office Copyright Free Images
Feeling exhausted from the constant struggle to hold on?  Every member of our human species knows the feeling of being completely drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Often, to make matters worse, those you need the most, when you need them the most, don’t seem to be there for you.  You’re hanging onto the knot at the end of a rope over a very high cliff.  You can see and hear the huge ocean-waves crashing against the jagged rocks below.  Your energy has run out, you’re alone, and your screams for help go unheard while your rope is fraying away smaller and smaller every minute.  Being at your wits end makes you want to give up, quit, and say “I’m done.”  This is how so many are filled with so much pain that they want to die.

On February 15th of this year, a trauma sent me into a big tailspin.  My Bipolar infested brain hasn’t stopped spinning since.  I’m feeling alone, rejected, and harshly judged.  Though I didn’t have a relationship with God 20 years ago, I remember being at the end of my rope several times and telling Him I was hanging on by the tiniest of threads.  Here I am all these years later holding on to another fraying rope, and continuing to struggle with it.  Just like I know you are feeling, I’m tired of it.  I want it to stop.  How do we make that happen?

Stop Struggling :  to Rebuild Your Strength
Our human solutions to problems vary as much as the people.  The biggest problem is that our solutions are not usually good ones.  My answers, too often; are to cry, scream, throw a tantrum, or tell someone off.  Truthfully, I’m tired of crying.  On a side note, I do find that crying helps a lot; though apparently I’m in the minority about that.  It fascinates me, actually, that one body has so much water in it.  Of course, being on a healthy living path, I drink enough water that I’m surprised I don’t need oars to keep going every day.  In my past, there was a long time when I hurt so badly I asked God, on a daily basis, to take me out of this world.  I was tired of the pain and I had no desire or strength to deal with any more of it.    

I’ve been reading the story of Elijah in the bible.  I can relate to him so very much.  After he went on the run from the tyrant rage of Queen Jezebel who wanted to execute him, he ended up n the desert; depressed, alone, hungry, with nowhere to turn, and a band of killers on his tail.  He was so drained he wanted to die; and asked God to let it happen (1 Kings 19:4).

Be Still: to Hear God’s Voice
God responded to Elijah just as He always has with me.  God took care of his needs by feeding him and making sure he got some rest.  Elijah finally heard God’s voice in a “gentle whisper” (1 Kings 19:12)

As I look back, I can see that God has never left me hanging when my energy was gone.  He has given me food when I didn’t have money to buy it; rest when I didn’t know how to stop running; counseling when I didn’t have anyone else to talk to; a place to live when I didn’t have anywhere else to go; relationships when I didn’t have any friends; a church when I felt lost without a focus, and so much more.  Every time I need encouragement and I can’t reach out for it, or I don’t know how; God sends it to me.  Sometimes, it’s in the form of a daily devotional that pops up in one of my books or my email.  Other times, a friend will call out of the blue, drop by, or pop up on Skype

Once our physical needs are met, and we’re calmed down; we can hear God’s reassuring voice.

He Will Lift You Up
When you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, it’s then that you need to calm down.  I know it is so very hard to do this.  To relax and not worry when you’re life could be on the line; it doesn’t make sense.  But stop struggling; let Him lift you from your place way above the rocks, back onto the safety of solid ground.  Once the wind stops blowing, the rocks stop falling, and the waves stop crashing; you will hear His voice telling you what to do next.  If you’re not sure if you’re hearing from Him, or what He is saying, just quietly worship Him.  The more you worship, the clearer your heart will hear Him.  If You can’t sleep, listen to worship music.  If you’re confused, read the Word.  If you feel useless or unproductive, encourage someone else. 

God took care of Elijah, directed him, and showed him that he wasn’t alone.  Trust Him, and He will do the same for you. 

Let’s Pray
 ~~ Dear God ~~  You come to my rescue every single time, no matter how many times I need rescuing.  Thank You so much for never giving up on me.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It's Your Turn
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Learn to Let the Stars Lead

~~ Isaiah 40:26 (NIV84) ~~  Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these?  He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.  Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.




Photo by Carley Cooper.  All Rights Reserved.
Since my last post Learn to Read Your Stars, have you looked up?  Did you find any hidden blessings in the midst of your dark times?  Finding the bright points is often like looking for the smallest star in the sky.  Sometimes when you can’t see the stars in your night sky it’s because it’s overcast; the sky is hidden from us.  Other times we are just not looking hard enough, even on a clear night.  Yet, other occasions it’s because the enemy is distracting us.  Look a little harder, up a little higher; I assure you, the lights are there. 

Look, at Those Stars Twinkle!
God even gives us some patterns within the stars.  Did you know that?  There’s the Big Dipper, the Small Dipper, planets to be seen, and thousands of other fascinating consolations and tidbits.  Other than those few things I don’t know many other details about the starts because I’m not an astronomer.  In my family, that would be my Dad.  He has a telescope that’s bigger than me. 

There’s a lot we can learn from that great expanse we call the sky.  God is a God of order.  Everything in this world, and out; has detail, pattern, and a reason.  It’s one of the ways that He reveals Himself to us.  We can only see the star at night, in the darkness; just like we can only learn our greatest lessons by going through struggles.  Without the pain, we would not have any comparison to know what is good. 

God Will Clear the Sky
I’ve been asking God for months to give me  a break.  I needed a vacation, time off, space between me and my problems.  The noise it is creating has been blocking God’s voice from my heart, and I don’t like that feeling.  Among other things, I’ve asked Him to show me how to prioritize better; gain some time management skills.  There was always something standing in my way; a reason why I couldn’t accomplish these things myself, now without His help. 

Last week, I got a call from a friend I haven’t seen in a long time.  She was going on vacation to her trailer at nearby ToJo’s Christian Campground.  I know the place well, as do most Christians in Simcoe County and beyond.  My parents have a trailer there, and it’s where I first met my friend years ago.  She wanted some company on her time off.   Suddenly my schedule was clear.  Things that was normally on my agenda were not this week.  I decided that I would go with her and stay at my parents trailer, so I could have some quiet time alone with God, and still be close by to socialize with my friend and others in the park.  I asked God to help me hear His voice again, and to give me answers to the things I struggle with.        

God Will Show You the Leading Star
Many have said that as they drive through ToJo’s gates they can feel peace lay upon them like it is a warm blanket on a cold night.  “There’s something different about this place once you cross the gate boundary.  You can just feel it here”, they’ve said.  I agree.  I was  here less than two days and I could see my sky clearing.  I am able to feel the calm fill me.  The noise is lessening.  His voice is slowly becoming clear again. 

Without going into long-winded details, I can tell you that in such a short time, He has shown me that one of the biggest distractions in prioritizing my time is the internet.  I spend time online like the average family watches TV.  I’m not a big telly watcher in the past ten years.  It seems I’ve replaced with the internet.  I spend too much time answering and reading emails, on social networking sites, and trying to keep other people happy before God or myself.  He’s also reassured me, again; that Happy Endings do indeed happen.  My concerns about relationship, career, health, church family; are all in His hands.  He loves me.  I love Him.  He has blessings in store for me, which will go into effect according to His schedule; not mine.

Granted all is not completely silent here, but the distractions are not leading me away from God.  The distractions here remind me of Him.  I can hear children laughing and playing just up the narrow park-road in the manmade pond, others at the other end of the park in the pool.  There’s a couple of dogs barking, that remind me of the happy memories of my own babies.  There’s a couple of chipmunks that never seem to run out of energy.  They’re pretty brave at times, and come close to me.  As I try concentrating on my writing, I’m forced to keep stopping for photo opps; because Blue-jays and Chickadee’s are landing in the trees around me and in my Mother’s nearby bird bath.  My own little Chicklet is loving some, very rare, outdoor time as I set his cage on the patio table next to me.  It’s wonderful to see him react to the sounds he hears.  Then there’s the sounds of my Mom’s wind chimes.  There must be a dozen.  Dings, dongs, cling, clang, and even clicks from one made of bamboo.  Oh yea, and the other blessing is that I get to sit outside in the wonderful sunshine with my computer and do what I love most; write!

What Stars are You Following?
Whatever it is that you are going through right now, God wants you to look up to Him.  He wants you to see the stars in your dark sky.  They are beautiful blessings that He has in store for you.  Look to Jesus, the  brightest Leading Star.  He is waiting to twinkle the night lights in a show that will  bless you and leave you in awe. 

Let’s Pray
 ~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You for blessing me with every single night time.  Without it, I would never know the beauty of the stars .  One of my favorite things to do is lay on the grass at night time looking up at the stars.  I can’t help but feel the extreme magnitude of space, which helps me feel like I have some concept of how big and how amazing You really are.  Your works are fascinating.  Every star is perfectly positioned, named, and counted.  I love the feeling of knowing that as big as the universe is, You love me.  I have a place, a position, and a purpose in Your great plan.  Thank You for that Lord.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Worship Melodies Photo Sharing
Check out our Facebook photo albums on Worship Melodies Facebook Page.  ‘Like’ us, and click on the album ‘Vacation at ToJo’s – Summer 2012’. 

Now It’s Your Turn
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Learn to Read Your Stars

~~ Isaiah 40:26 (NIV84) ~~  Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these?  He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.  Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.




Picture: Babak Tafreshi / Barcroft Media
When life is gets hard it can feel like you are swallowed up by darkness.  No matter how hard you try, you just can’t see your hand in front of your face.  How are you supposed to know what to do, which way to go, how to handle things?  You’ve felt your way around in the dark, and you can’t locate a light anywhere. 

You know those times.  I know you do.  Me too.
On top of that everyone brushes you off like you’re just a pesky firefly saying things like “You’re cute to look at, but don’t come  near me, Bug.  I don’t want you biting or bothering me.” 

My Bipolar Disorder (BPD) is on a whirlwind roller coaster in the last couple weeks.  I’m having problems making enough time to do the writing, research, and study that I need to do; so my workload is feeling too big.  (Taking on too much is a typical BPD feature, in itself).  The topics that I’m currently writing about in my manuscript are bringing up issues that I thought were dead and buried.  An hurtful situation with a friend, that happened in February, is still not cleared up.  I’m feeling very alone and disoriented.   

“When it’s dark enough you can see the stars”  
I saw that quote, by an unknown author, float by on my Facebook Newsfeed.  I realized this darkness that I am caught in has some bright points, created from the things I am learning as a result. 
  • The workload is forcing me to really prioritize my “To Do” list. 
  • My current research and writing material is about abuse and mental health issues.  It means reliving bad memories; and learning more than I ever knew there was to learn.  My life and my health problems, from the time I was a child, is a whole new picture.  Pieces are falling into place and making sense like never before. 
  • Abuse situations that I thought were over are still affecting me.  There was a meeting with my friend, who is in an authoritative position, two of his associates; and me.  I am thankful that they were trying to help me, but it caused a breakdown.  My doctor says I had a very typical reaction.  She said that if I had mentioned it, I would have been advised not to go.  She called it “Classic Transference” from an abuse survivor.  Apparently authority figures cause fear in me now.  I suddenly understood why I purposely chose the chair closest to the door just in case I needed a quick escape.  This same fear is why the situation has stalled for me.  His control, and lack of opportunity for me to tell my side of the story, has resurrected upsetting emotions.  I understand my feelings now, and that it is not my fault. 
  • All this is made even bigger because of BPD.  There are medical reasons why I over react to situations.  Turns out, I really can’t help it!  Being aware of these facts doesn't minimize the size of my experience, but I understand it better.
  • Why I see myself as alone is connected to Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD); a lifelong problem.  Doc said that I never learned community.  Again, it is worsened by the Bipolar Disorder because it is typical to have problems keeping relationships together.  So not only did I not learn how to do it, another force keeps me from getting there.  
Dawn will Arrive
No matter how dark it is where you are right now.  You can look up, and see the stars.  They are there, even if you are having a difficult time seeing them.  Some of my stars don’t look really bright at the moment, but I know that God never leaves us alone in the dark.  There is not one of our problems that He doesn’t know about.  He had the solutions all worked out and set in place before we ever knew there was a problem.  He put all those stars in the dark sky so that we could see how pretty they are; so we could be reminded that once the night is over, dawn breaks. 

Let's Pray
~~ Dear God ~~  Help me to always look for the stars in my dark sky, and never let me forget that dawn will happen very soon.  Thank You for always being there, for always turning my sorrows into stars.  Mostly thank You for the brightest Star of all; Your Son, Jesus who is leading us to blessings that come with the morning light, and to You.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It's Your Turn
Thoughts?  Questions?  Want to share your story?  Ask for prayer?  Please share in the comments section.  (If you’re on the homepage, click on the post headline, and scroll down to find the comments section.) 

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