OK, So the Story Goes Like This...

~~ 1 Chronicles 16:8-12 (NIV1984) ~~  Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.  Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts.  Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.  Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.  Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,

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by Carley Cooper

Microsoft Office Copyright Free Images

Have you ever stopped long enough to look around and pay attention to how often you see it happening?  People are doing it in books, in the movies, at parties, at the office, on blogs, in the newspaper, magazines, on Facebook, Twitter, on the bus.  Some might even venture to say that you even see it on “reality TV”.  Of course, that last one depends on one’s definition of “reality”, but that’s another topic for another blog.  What am I talking about?  I’m talking about people telling their own stories.  They are true stories; talking about what happened at some point in the past in their lives.

Have you ever wondered why?  That is, why do people want so much to talk about their own lives; to relive and share the past?  It’s gone, over, done!  The credits have rolled and you can’t go back and change any scenes.  So, why talk about it so much?  Wouldn’t just accepting it and moving on from here make more sense?  Well, there are a list of reasons, and I’m sure this list is just a fraction of the complete list of reasons.  First, some people just feel the need to express themselves; whether it be pain, happiness, or just the need to clobber someone.  Others just like to talk about their favorite subject; ME!  Eh, well, not me, Carley; you know; themselves.  Others hope to gain something from sharing their story; fame, fortune, sex, material items, and the list goes on. 

From a Christian perspective does the picture change?  Does it become a different story?  Is it a good thing for Christians to be telling our stories?  After all; boasting, gossip and the like are sins.  James 4:16 (NIV1984) tells us "As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil".  We certainly don’t want to intentionally do that.  We also know that once we truly surrender all to God and allow Him to shape us, mold our hearts to be like that of Jesus, and to help the fruit of the Holy Spirit become who we are; then some awesome things will start happening in our lives.  Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV1984) "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."  Once your heart truly belongs to Jesus you will start to see some supernatural things happening in your life; and at a rate that you could never hope to write them all down or share every incident.  There will be just way too many.  Sometimes Christians are afraid to share their stories because of fear of judgement from others.  Other times, Christians are afraid to lay everything down at the foot of the cross.  Thoughts of fear fill their minds about not having any input or control over their own lives if God is in the driver’s seat.  I mean “what if He wants me to do stuff that I don’t want to do?”.  Well Worshiper’s; guess what?  That’s a given.  Even though you may not be able to see it now, He will insist on you stepping out of your comfort zone.  But, in the end you will be blessed and thankful for it. 

This kind of supernatural activity can only happen because of the sacrifice that Jesus made when He willingly died for us on the cross.  Once you let Him in to your heart and life, you are allowing Him to do His best miracles that He has in store for you.  Until then, you won’t see the miracles, blessings, or supernatural events.  The Word won’t be as clear in your mind.  2 Corinthians 3:16 (AMP) tells us “But whenever a person turns [in repentance] to the Lord, the veil is stripped off and taken away”. 

This event of Jesus dying for us is the single most amazing and wondrous thing that has ever happened in history; or ever will happen.  Nothing else even comes close.  For that matter, everything else combined still doesn’t come close.  The story of Jesus deserves to be told to every single person on earth.  God wants us to tell our stories because  it is evidence of His amazing love for us, and what He has done for us.  He wants our stories to be told and remembered.  Psalm 111:4 (ESV) says “He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and merciful.”.  It is our responsibility to tell our stories to others. 

So, is it scary sometimes?  Absolutely!  As a matter of fact we are even warned about who we share with.  Matthew 7:6 (NIV1984) “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.  If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces".  I think “dogs” is a adjective to describe not only non-Christian’s, but also Christian’s who do not have a true relationship with Christ.  Those that don’t stop to pay attention, or have some fear of preventing them from allowing or believing in God’s miracles in our daily lives.  The best course of action, when in doubt, is to use your common sense and to listen very closely for God’s voice in your heart leading you.  We are meant to plant a seed.  If there can be any growing inside, it’s up to Jesus to do the watering.  We are not meant to stick around and put ourselves in a situation that could cause temptation, risk our salvation or our safety.

I have started writing a book about my life.  To be completely honest, it is very unnerving for me to be that open to the world; so that all is exposed.  Will I get judgement from others?  Absolutely.  I fully expect it.  It is also possible that there will be people that I love that will walk out of my life.  However, I know that He will be with me every step of the way.  Psalm23:4 (NIV84) says “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”  My story shows how much God loves me.  He loves me enough to go through a lot of trouble to shape me and teach me.  He loves me enough to send His Son to die for me!  My story is just one small example that displays how awesome God can be for each one of us.  So I will tell it, and I won’t be ashamed.  Psalm119:46 (NIV1984) says “I will speak of your statutes before kings and will not be put to shame”.

Next time you hear someone telling their story, stop and listen... really listen for the true message.  There are as many different ways for you to tell your story as there are people that have stories to tell.  You could write book, a blog or a poem; make a video or go on TV, chat on social networking, make a photo journal, stand on the roof of the tallest building in town and shout, or simply alone with a friend who really needs to hear the lesson you have to teach.  How are you going to tell your story?  You really do have a story worth telling, and there are people waiting to hear it.

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~~ Dear God ~~ Thank you the journey you have taken me on, and for giving me a story that shows Your awesome love and mercy.  Please help me tell my story in a way that will touch people’s hearts.  Open their eyes, ears and heart so that  they will see Your peace within me, say “I want what she has”.  Please protect me from the “dogs”, and surround me with people that will love me no matter what my story has to say.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Aunt Sadie’s Encouragement

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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by Carley Cooper

Aunt Sadie & Carla (early 1990's)
Candid Photo Shot by Marj Cooper

I have a plaque that is about 7.5” x 5”, and it has one of those little flaps on the back, like a picture frame, that allows you to stand it on a table top or shelf.  The front of it is a sliver plate, with the bible verse from Philippians 4:13 written on it “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  This little treasure belonged to my Aunt Sadie once.  She has gone to be with the Lord now.  Cancer took her away from us in 2005.  When she passed, this little keepsake was one of a couple things that I asked for that was hers.  The other item is a marble collection that she had; that was made into a sun catcher for the window.  I keep both of these things in my living room and I think of her every day when I see them.  The reason I chose this particular plaque was because Philippians 4:13 was her favorite bible verse. 

Aunt Sadie was one of those super special women.  I think all of us cousins, in my family; felt she was a favorite Aunt.  There are a lot of cousins and a lot of Aunts and Uncles in our bunch.  Aunt Sadie, though, didn’t live in Newfoundland where most of the rest of us lived.  Aunt Sadie lived in Albany, New York.  We only ever got to see her every 5 years or so when they came for a visit.  Oh, how we enjoyed those visits!  It was the highlight of our summer.  Actually, it was more like the highlight of our year!  What I remember most about her was that Aunt Sadie always talked to me like I was a real person.  What I mean by that is she never talked down to me like other adults tend to do with kids.  She talked to me like I counted for something; like what I had to say, no matter what it was, was important and interesting.  Then she would always give me advice.  Never once did she tell me to stop being so silly, or so childish, or to get over it. 

Little did I know how special Philippians 4:13 would come to mean to me as well since then.  In the past few years I’ve been through some of the most difficult times of my life.  Knowing that Christ brings me more than enough strength to carry me through any trial has come to be of incredible comfort to me when I felt like I was otherwise alone in the world.  Well, I am about to embark on an adventure, of sorts, that requires I need every bit of God’s strength and guidance that He is willing to give me.  See, starting tomorrow, I will begin serious writing on my book.  Remember the book I mentioned, in my last blog post, that I want to write about my story?!  Well, I have been making notes and coming up with ideas about this project for quite a while now.  I didn’t think I was ready to start doing any serious writing yet.  My thoughts were that sometime next year I would be ready to begin. 

Then, a few days ago I got an email from my beautiful friend, Brenda Wood.  She told me that she and a couple of her friends have entered a writing challenge on a website called “National Novel Writing Month”.  The challenge is to write 50,000 words... a novel.... in November!  Yep... the whole thing is to be written in only a month; or the first draft of it anyway.  As is Brenda’s usual way with encouragement, I was convinced.  I need to start this book now.  It’s time to stop delaying, puttering around, and coming up with excuses.  I am tempted to say that she talked me into it.  However, she only made the suggestion.  It was God that talked me into it.  I am excited and looking forward to this chapter of my life.  I am also scared half to death.  See this project means going through a lot of emotion to remember the most painful things; as well as the best parts, of my life.  When I am done, my whole life will literally be an open book for all to read.  The good, the bad, and the ugly will all be in print, with my name on the cover. 

I can’t help but look at this little plaque on my bookshelf in front of me and think “Thank You, Lord for that strength.  I need it now more than ever”.  It will be the leading of the Holy Spirit that will get me through this time; and the days, weeks and months to follow.   There are things that will upset a few people.  I know that; but I cannot show the glory of God, or grow closer to Him, by hiding things.  Showing the miracles that He has worked in my life; and inside my heart is one of my goals.  I have to be willing to lay it all out in the open or Jesus cannot carry it for me.  Hebrews 4:13 tells us that nothing is hidden from His sight, and that we must give account for everything.  “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account”.  Unless I open my life and leave nothing in the dark, I will be useless to Him.  The strength of Jesus will carry me when my energy is gone because I am feeling beaten, battered, exposed, judged, and possibly even hated; by others.  In the end, the only opinion that should / will alter my life in any significant way is that of Jesus. 

I hear God’s gentle voice talking to me.  I feel the tug of the strings of my heart about this project.  It is the right thing to do at this time.  I can also hear Aunt Sadie’s encouragement telling me that I can do it; and that He will be with me every step of the way.

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~~ Dear God ~~    Please guide my every word as I write.  Make my story one that will help others, help me to grow closer to You; and show Your awesome glory.  Thank You for using me to do these things.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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God: “You’re Gonna Do What?! LOL”

~~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV84)~~   “...For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ...”

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by Carley Cooper

"...and you thought that plan would work?!"

Microsoft Office Copyright Free Images

OK, so here is the plan for my life.  Please, pay close attention to this people because we are going to hit the ground running.  Nothing or no one is going to get in my way.  First, I am getting married to a wonderful man.  He will be tall, dark and super sexy.  He will have a wonderful sense of humor, and a great job earning a very good salary.  He will be my best friend and a fantastic lover.  He will have all his own teeth and hair; and worship my body and the ground I walk on.  We will spend our first few years traveling the world together.  Then we will have 4 kids; and they will be 2 boys and 2 girls, since every girl should have a sister as a BFF and every boy should have a brother for the same.  Since, pets are one of childhood’s greatest pleasures; our family will be complete with the addition of a dog, a hamster, and a couple of parakeets.  Every child should have a dog.  Finally, the last step is a great career that will be the ultimate in fulfillment.  It will be so enjoyable that it will not even feel like work.  Once these things are all done... and in that order, then we will be able to live a very healthy no-one-ever-gets-sick, happily ever after life.  Sounds like an awesome plan, if I do say so myself!  Does any of it ring a bell with you?  Sound even a little bit familiar?   

Well, here we are many years later (but wait...not too many.  I’m not that old.  LOL) and it seems that somewhere along the line when I turned my head for a minute my plan ran into a glitch.  Somewhere in the building of my life, the blue prints seem to have been misplaced and forgotten.  Things have not turned out like I had hoped.  Not even close!  So what really happened?  Well, it took me years longer than I planned to meet someone and get married.  Only for it to be short lived, and ended up with a divorce hearing on my 30^th birthday.  That certainly was not my idea or my choice, but I had to go along with it... both the divorce and the hearing date.  The babies did not have the opportunity to be born due to medical issues, failed attempts, and ever-off timing. 

Oh, and that wonderful career?  Well, that was a big stumbling block because I had no idea whatsoever what I wanted to do.  I did not go to university because no one told me that you could go before having every detail of your life planned out in advance.  I seriously thought I was the only one, and I was embarrassed by that so I told no one.  I turned down two acceptance letters to college because of this.  I was under the impression that if you were to going to school, you knew from day one why you were going and what the course plan was.  No one told me that you could go and figure out the details later.  Then, as time went on I always felt that I was too old, and it was too expensive.  Instead I chose a small community college that provided me with a diploma for skills that were already out of date when I completed the program.

Another unexpected and unplanned spark that burned all my life plans turned out to be health issues, which took over my life with a life of its own.  Then, the final fuel to the fire was that I ended up in some abusive relationships.  That certainly was not in my original plan either.

So where does my life sit today?  Well, I have survived a long string of traumas.  They are too much to go into here.  I intend on writing a book about it.  Wow!  Me, writing a book?!  I am told all the time that I have some natural talent for writing.  I take it as a wonderful compliment, but who would have ever thought?!  English-Lit was my worst subject in high school.  I have also been invited, recently, to be a guest speaker next year at a women’s retreat.  Me, a guest speaker?!  I am social-phobic, yet I am excited about this!  Hmmmm... isn’t that a contradiction?!  Anyway, I am being told that it is time for me to start sharing my story to inspire others.  Again, me an inspiration?!  If it wasn’t for the fact that these things are such a surprise to me, I would laugh at them!

I have been told quite a few times in recent weeks that I have affected people, in a positive way.  Along the route that my life has actually taken, I picked up a lot of knowledge and experience that can help people improve their lives by healthy eating.  I have another, smaller book, project that I am working on about healthy living.  It’s more of a booklet or a paper actually.  However, I have several people that are already interested in reading it, including a couple of people who work at the local hospital in the mental health department where they hope to share it with patients.  They are amazed at how I have improved my life and health through the discoveries that I have made by finding and changing patterns, and changing my diet.  There have been a few people who have told me that they are also noticing patterns now and changing things that are helping them improve their health and life, because of what I have told them about myself. 

I have another friend who is chasing a dream of opening a Christian Cafe / Karaoke Bar here in Barrie, Ontario because of encouragement that I gave her to never give up.  I never would have thought, on my own, to even consider that I could have such an impact on other people.  I feel such humility, and so very blessed by this.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.  Will I ever be a wife?  A mother?  A career woman?  An entrepreneur?  Only time will tell.  I never would have thought, or would have wanted; to plan such things as being a writer, or a guest speaker, or someone to provide health advice to others.  But these things are on my plate right now as very real possibilities. 

So many times in life we say things like “If only we had more money, we could buy that item we need so much”, and then we pray for it.  We never once stop to consider asking God what His plans are for our lives.  Whether we realize it or not, God is the one in control of our lives.  We either go along with His plan letting the Holy Spirit lead the way to happiness, and a future brighter than anything we could have ever come up with; or we try our own path and run into trials, troubles and problems.  Granted I know, and agree with, the thoughts that you are probably having right now that this can be easier said than done.  It is in our nature to want o be in control of our own lives.  Sometimes, I actually look up to God and ask Him “God, surely You can’t be serious about this?  So, I guess You think this is funny don’t you?!”  The truth is that my original plan would have led me to be a child of the world, and not of God.  My original plan did not include Jesus as a member of my family, let alone to take His rightful position as Head of my family!  My happiness would have been completely dependent on the world falling into place in a way that I needed it to.  Thinking about that now, really is funny!  How often does that happen?  My original plan was completely self-focused.  It did not include helping others in any way.  If I had followed my own plan, I would not have an impact on other people; and more importantly, I would not have a relationship with Jesus right now.  Neither, true happiness or my salvation would be possible.  It seems that old saying is true, “if you wanna make God laugh, just tell Him your plans”.

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~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You, that long before I was ever born, You had my life planned out for me.  Thank You for not letting me follow my own plan.  I am so very blessed to have gone through the trials and traumas that I have because they have brought me into a relationship with Jesus; and as such I will get to spend eternity with Him.  My future has never looked brighter.  Please continue to use me to bless others; and to let the Holy Spirit lead me, and mould my life.  I am anxiously waiting to see what wonderful blessings you have in store for me next.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Finding the Silver Lining

~~ Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV84)~~   Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

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by Carley Cooper

My dog, Casey is afraid of Chicklet, our lovebird.
Casey: "Mommyyyy. It's gonna hurt me. Help!"
Photo by Carley

Are you a ‘glass half full’ or a ‘half empty’ kind of person?  Do your clouds have silver linings?  Everyone in this world has to struggle and go through hard times.  It is how we were designed to learn.  Sometimes learning that is, in itself, one of those struggles that must be overcome.  Every struggle, battle, and side trip is a lesson or a series of lessons to be learned.  If we are not paying attention we can miss some very important signs that are meant to guide us on our journey.  Of course, this applies to the good times as well.  Even if you have a very difficult time seeing the bright side, you need to be creative enough to turn it into a usable lesson.

This concept reminds me of a lesson in my Interior Decorating studies many years ago.  Almost every house has some sort of niche that you wish was not there.  Surely your house has some sort of odd corner, alcove, or unusual shape to a room that seems to prevent proper furniture placement.  As decorators we are taught to turn this into a positive thing.  Use it to create an attractive feature that you could not have without it.  Another example is from my healthy living program.  There are so many people trying to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Many times I have read blogs by these individuals listing, for example, “75 Things I Learned from my 75 Pound Weight-loss”.  People are finding unexpected blessings in their times of trial.

One of these struggles for me has been my battle with Bipolar Disorder.  Sharing my story is something that I like to do because, like sharing weight-loss stories, it is encouraging to others giving them hope, as well as a reminder to myself about how far I have come.  Battling with this health issue has taught me a great many things.  A few of these things are:

• I have learned that I am never, ever to give up.  Do not quit and you will not be a failure.
• I have learned more details about the disease than I ever thought I wanted to know (symptoms, characteristics, treatments, etc.).
• I have learned that I am not alone.  There are many people out there suffering in the same way.
• I have learned that no matter how severe my depression episode should happen to be... I know that my mood will be going up very soon.  I also believe that one day, in God’s timing, my mood will go up for the last time.  There will be a day when I will no longer hit a rock-bottom depressive episode.  I believe the day is coming in my future when I will no longer be Bipolar.  A special friend once said to me “It is when things look impossible, that God does His best miracles”... but the key is that you have to have faith in Him.  You have to repent from your sins and let God mould your heart to be like that of Jesus. 
• I have learned (thanks in part to my healthy living journey) that there are certain foods that can trigger bad episodes in me.  I know what foods I am to stay away from; what foods contribute toward keeping me from going into a severe depressive episode or a severe mania period; and how to strive for a healthy lifestyle.
• As a result, I have also learned a huge amount of nutritional information.
• I have learned the importance of regular exercise for my mental health.
• I have learned just how much of a gift that music (especially Worship Music) can be.  Many days music is the wall that keeps me from falling into depression.
• I have talked about my battle with Bipolar before in an earlier blog entitled “The Truth”.  I have learned, as I said in this previous article, that Bipolar is “not a choice, a sin, a crime, a weakness, or a character flaw”.
• I have learned that mental illness is not something to be embarrassed about, afraid or ashamed of. 
• Through some amazing therapy and recovery programs offered in the area where I live, I am being taught how to “reprogram my brain” by learning how to change my thinking.  As a result, I have learned that:
• Bipolar does not mean that I am broken. 
• It is not my fault.
• I am not crazy.
• I am not bad.
• I am trustworthy.
• I am loveable.
• I am good enough.
• I belong.
• I am worthy.
• I have learned that the stigma placed on me is not who I am.  Those negative beliefs by others are false, uneducated, shameful, and fearful; and are not connected to the truth.  I was told once that “you do not know how to count your blessings, because if you did then you would not be depressed”.   This kind of uneducated lie from the enemy is exactly the kind of stigma that the public needs to be educated about.  More and more, science is proving that mental illness is indeed a physical disease.  It is caused by chemical and hormone imbalances, and personally, I believe; also from chemicals, preservatives and artificial sweeteners in our over-processed food supply.  Those of us, who suffer from mental illness, have known this for years because often the physical symptoms show up before the emotional symptoms.
• I know that judging others by their appearance; or rather by their Bipolar, is about as efficient as judging a book by its cover.
• I have learned to reach out for help and support when I need it.
• I have learned that I am incredibly strong.  I am stronger than I ever would have thought I could be.  I have to be or it would be impossible to survive this; especially considering that I am doing it as a single woman living alone.  With all the wonderful support I get from family, friends, counsellors, church family, and my medical-care team; when I am at home, I am alone.  If I cannot care for myself, than who will?  Thankfully, I am a child of God and He has sent Jesus, to take care of me.
• Depression is the place the enemy wants many of us to stay; even those without Bipolar.  I have learned that this place is a glimpse of just how dark and scary the world would be without God.  I have learned that I do not ever want to go there.

With all these points mentioned, I believe that the biggest lesson I have learned is that I need to turn to God whether I am at the bottom or at the top.  I cannot get back up out of the pit of depression, or come down from a mania period, or stay supported and stable at a healthy level in between; without Him.  No matter what level I am on, I need Him.  Whether you are going through a stressful period or a happy period, listen to God’s voice.  He is trying to teach you something.  God has designed every struggle to bring us closer to Him and to teach us how to lean on Him.  Look for the silver lining in each and every cloud.  After all, no matter what kind of mess you are in right now, there could be much scarier things chasing you!

(I welcome you to share your stories with me in the comment section below.  I would love to hear them.)

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~~ Dear God ~~ Your ways and Your understanding is beyond anything that I can comprehend.  They are perfect.  No path I can choose, no solution I can apply is as perfect as those that You have already set in place for me.  I thank You for leading me closer to You with each and every day; and for moulding my heart to be like that of Jesus.  Open my heart, mind, eyes and ears to receive the message of love that You are sending me.  Please make me willing and able to receive that message, and give me opportunities to share it with others.  Help me to see the silver lining in every cloud, and use me to teach others about mental illness.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble

~~ James 4:10 (TNIV) ~~  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. 

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Pinky & The Brain

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  ~~Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

This is a very well known quote.  It is both profound, giving you some great food for thought; and yet at the same time it states something obvious; or at least it should be obvious.  Ever have moments when you realized that you do not know something that you thought you always knew?!  I would be willing to bet you have.  I think everyone has moments when something suddenly becomes clearer, out of the blue it makes more sense, or the ‘light’ comes on.  You thought you knew what a certain word meant.  But, nope!  It turns out you didn’t have a clue!  It has happened to me several times.

One of the biggest experiences for me like this was when I became, what I call, a true Christian; desiring to obey God and having the willingness to let Him change me.  I suddenly understood so much more than I ever knew before.  There was a light shining into corners that I did not even know where there.  I had no idea that there was a whole world outside my cozy little room!  I started feeling God talking to me and guiding me to walk outside of my room.  Actually, it was more of a big push because I was sure that anything outside my little-room-world was terrifying.  That old cartoon, that I am sure you are familiar with, ‘Pinky and the Brain’ comes to mind here.  For so long they had no idea there was a whole world outside the lab.  I finally started to feel the Holy Spirit working in me.  Both me and my life started to drastically change.  Even the world around me started to look different.  Things started to look ‘more alive’, colors started to look brighter.  It really is awesome to see things as God wants you to see them.  It makes me look forward to the time when things will look even clearer still.

Another one of these ‘it turns out that I didn’t know what I knew’ experiences was very recently when God started to lead me down the path of humility.  We may think that we have a clear vision; that we have our route laid out, our plans are made; but God always sees the full picture.  That is how He knows what steps to lead us on.  He knew that my first step in the lesson of humility was to teach me the terminology and their definitions.  Sounds like something that should be obvious, doesn’t it?  Well, keep reading!

See, it is like this; I had always associated the word ‘humility’ with ‘humiliation’, which in turn I thought was a fancy way of saying ‘embarrassed’; and to be embarrassed meant someone had done something or said something very mean to hurt you.  ‘Pride’, I thought meant high self-respect. To be ‘humble’ I thought meant... well, that you were not exactly the ‘smartest rodent in the lab’; which I guess at that time, unknowingly, was me!   I know what you’re thinking but; hey, rodents are God’s creatures too!

You know those moments when you realize that God has been trying for so long to get your attention that He has had to clobber you over the head with something?  I had one of those times in church.  I guess if you are going to be clobbered, church is a good place for it to happen!  The sermon was about pride and humility, based on the book of James, chapter 4.  It was an awesome sermon.  I felt very uplifted, like I had learned an awesome lesson.  Our church is blessed like that.  We get a lot of sermons that speak right at home to us.  This one told us that we have to be humble before God to release the dreams that He has for us.  Woo Hoo! What a remarkable message. 

I went home, I grabbed a snack, and I sat down on the couch with my laptop in front of me to check my email.  Among the list of unread messages were two devotional subscriptions, from completely different sources.  I do not always have time to read all the daily devotionals and blogs that I sign up for, but I do try to read most of them every day.  I started reading.  The first one was about humility and was based on James, chapter 4!  OK, twice in one day... this was an obvious message from God that He definitely wants me to be humble.  “OK, Lord.  I got the message.  Humble it is”.  I opened the second email.  Guess what?!  I hope you are sitting down for this... it was also about humility.  Seriously!  I was so surprised my jaw nearly hit the floor.  My first thought was “Whoa, this is so huge!  This is a very big God moment”.   God wanted my attention, and He certainly got it at that moment. 

However, there was one problem.  I did not, at all, understand what He was trying to tell me.  I mean, I try to be nice to people.  I do not ask for much in return.  I certainly try not to judge, and do my very best to always forgive.  I am basically a good person.  Right?!  I guess this kind of pride should have been my first clue that I have a big problem.  Despite all this, I was almost certain that I was about to go through something; some sort of lesson or test by God, that would teach me about humility.  I really considered asking God if He would consider taking the short cut on this one.

I was right.  There was a lesson from God.  Only days later, I had a very upsetting experience that would educate me not only on the proper definitions of these words that I was obviously confused about, but how they are to be applied to the particular situation.  I was completely thrown for a loop and went through a great deal of distress, to the point I was sick, when someone that I count on for support defined a boundary between us.  It seems that I have learned the hard way that boundaries are an awesome idea... when you are the one setting them.  From the other side of that boundary line things look different.  My mind circled around over and over with thoughts like “How could he do this to me?  I thought I was important.  I am just not loved.  I probably rub on his very last nerve.  I do not deserve to be loved.  I think it would be best if I just quietly leave and disappear for good.”   Once the initial shock was over, I received a third devotional email, from yet another source, with the subject of ‘humility’.   God certainly felt the need to reinforce this message to me!  As a side note; I just love it that He sends me emails!  How cool is that?! 

Anyway, I had the sermon and the blogs that I read, but I still did not truly understand how this situation I was stressing about was trying to teach me about being humble.  I just could not connect these two ends.  So I decided, as I usually do in such cases, to do some research.  First I looked up the definitions of these words.  Again, this would seem like something that should have been obvious much sooner.  For me, apparently not!  Then, to reinforce what I learned from the sermon, I played it back from the church website and listened to it again, and again; taking detailed notes this time. It is amazing how much you can realize you have missed the second and third times around!  I started to put the pieces together.  I have learned that God is the One who defines the terms, makes the rules, and plans the route.  So with that in mind, I could see how these words are defined, and how He wants them to be applied.

• Embarrassed – is the feeling one gets when in an uncomfortable situation amongst others.  It is not something that anyone has said or done; it may not even be a result of someone else.  For example, once when spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to turn on the vacuum cleaner, I experienced some embarrassment.  OK, I admit it.  I will not be the next recipient of the ‘Martha Stewart of the Year’ award!  I had all hardwood flooring, and leather furniture (beautiful imported Italian leather.  I loved it).  Oh, anyway, I very rarely had a reason to use the vacuum.  My boyfriend (at the time), sat in his chair laughing at me so hard it is a wonder he did not pop a blood vessel somewhere!  That was embarrassing.  It gave him something to tease me about for months, but it did not hurt me. 
• Humiliated – is the experience you go through when embarrassed by something that someone said or did to intentionally or knowingly hurt you, causing your dignity to go flying out the window.  For example, when I was at a party and a friend arrived and saw me for the first time in a long time.  She stood in the door pointing at me and laughing, while screaming out “Oh my gosh, look how fat she is!”  That was humiliation.  It was painful.  It still is if I let myself think about it; but I forgive her. 
• Humility – as so wonderfully explained by our pastor, is a virtue.  It means giving up and letting God take control in every situation!  For example, if God needs there to be a boundary between me and my friend, than I know it is for a reason that will bring me joy and will show His awesome glory.  I will accept that and wait in anticipation to see the outcome. 
• Humble - is to place oneself at the appropriate level; which is lower than God, in a position to need Him, and to think of others as better than ourselves.  For example, my friend’s need to put up a boundary is what is most important.  I certainly do not want to cause anyone any pain or distress.  I have to love my friend enough to let this new positioning happen without allowing it to derail my life.  I also realize now that he likely understood this need for me to be separated slightly and did this to help me.  He also knows me well enough to know that ‘tough love’ is sometimes the only way I will finally learn. 
• Pride – our pastor says, is likely the greatest sin.  It is one’s ability to put themselves on a higher pedestal than they have a right to do; in an effort to make themselves as high as, or higher, then God.  For example, when I got upset about my friend setting boundaries.  I got upset because my pride got in the way of the truth.  I put my own needs and desires above both God and my friend.  I should not be counting on someone else for support.  I should be counting only on God for the support I need.  He is more than I need. 

I am certain that my journey through the humility chapter of my story is far from over; and likely never will be as long as I am on this side of Heaven’s gates.  I know this because messages, blogs and devotionals with the subject of humility are continuing to be handed to me.  Letting God mould us into the kind of person He wants us to be is almost always a series of painful lessons.  However, it is worth it to become the person that we want to be, and to live a life of dreams beyond anything our imaginations can come up with.  To take the short cut would mean missing out on some very important and interesting things.  To go along with this transformation and not fight it is one more step toward complete obedience.  To go through it with peace and joy in our hearts is what will fill God’s heart with joy.  I pray that God will let me clearly see each and every situation where my pride gets in the way of me advancing closer to Him.  Micah says it so eloquently in ~ Micah 6:8 (TNIV) ~  “He has shown all you people what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

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~~ Dear God ~~    You are so incredibly patient, loving and merciful.  Each time I let pride guide my way, I create a brick that is added to a wall separating me and You.  Please let me see the blocks that I am about to add to this wall each and every time I am about to put one in place.  Instead, show me how to remove all the blocks that I have already put in place, and to never add to this wall again.  Then please let me always be open to feel Your support to get me through to the end.  Please help me realize that I am neither Pinky nor The Brain.  I am one of Your loving children who desires to bring glory to Your name.  Help me to see that outside my little-laboratory-world, there is a multitude of blessings waiting for me, if only I would accept Your leadership to get me outside safely.  In Jesus name, AMEN. 

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Here are a couple videos you might have fun watching.  The first an old song that you likely have heard before called “Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble” by Mac Davis.  I think it is very funny.  That (ex)boyfriend that I mentioned... this was his self-appointed ‘theme song’.  Looking back on it, I can see how God may have been trying to get our attentions about pride even then.  Below that is a clip from a Pinky and The Brain episode.  For years, he and I have had an ongoing ‘discussion’ (which continues) about which one of us is Pinky and which one of us is The Brain.  So on that note... Pinky, this one’s for you!

Pinky & The Brain: Bad Day

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