Showing posts with label Phil 4:13. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Phil 4:13. Show all posts

The Path of Least Resistance

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 


by Carley Cooper

Microsoft Office Copyright Free Images
How often have you wondered over the years why it seems that you didn’t get an easy path like others do?  Everyone has bumps in their path that they have to climb over, get around, or sometimes even blast out of the way.  For me, my biggest obstacle is Bipolar Disorder.  It is something that I can’t get away from.  It’s there staring me in the face daily.  I can’t take a vacation from it.  Whether I’m feeling good or not; I’m still bipolar.  It took me many years to get the proper diagnosis.  I finally know what’s wrong with me.  I finally have a good medical team; and support from other sources.  I have found though, that it’s all limited.  Meds stop working after a while, the best counseling or therapy can’t prevent episodes from happening, friends and loved ones get tired of the roller coaster and walk away.  I’ve learned in my life that often other people just can’t take it anymore and push me away permanently.  It’s another obstacle that I have to live with.  I’m broken, and others can only offer so much support before they run out of energy themselves. 

I have always felt that if I could only help my friends and family understand it more than maybe they would have more tools to work with.  Maybe they wouldn’t walk away so quickly.  Maybe you have felt the same way, so I’ve compiled a list of resources that will help you to better understand this beast that we’re fighting.  If you a sufferer than this should give you some insight into your symptoms, and possibly give you something extra to talk to your doctors about.  I learned things about myself from some of these things that I wasn’t aware of before.  I learned about symptoms that I didn’t  know were symptoms.  If you’re someone who is living with a loved one who is suffering and you want or need to understand more this should  give you some insight as well. 
 

The Basic’s off Bipolar Disorder (BPD):

  • There are 2 types:
Bipolar 1 – More severe; often known by behaviour that will put the sufferer in danger.  For example, during a mania period s/he may believe they can fly, and attempt to jump  off a roof. 
Bipolar 2 – Less severe; sufferers do not usually put themselves in danger. 
  • Extreme mood swings beyond that of a normal healthy person.  These mood swings go from extreme depression to a manic high and back again.  The time limit in between mood changes vary from person to person. 
  • A depressive or a mania period is commonly referred to as an episode.  Some will have an episode that can last as long as years.  Others can have episodes that change in a matter of half an hour, and then back again.  These more frequent changing episodes are called ‘Rapid Cycling’. 
  • Severe changes in energy for most people accompany the changes in mood swings.  This can mean little to no energy that is needed to live life and care for one self.  It could also mean extreme energy highs that don’t allow the sufferer to stop and rest. 
  • Characteristics of a Manic Episode:
- Extreme irritability or distractibility
- Excessive high or euphoric feelings
- Sustained periods of impulsive, unusual or bizarre behaviour; often accompanied by risk taking.  (Which could possibly allow the sufferer to unknowingly put themselves in danger.)
- Increased energy and activity
- Rapid talking – the sufferer will talk fast and for prolonged periods, sometimes leaving the listener unable to understand what they’re talking about.
- Rapid thinking – often called racing thoughts.  Thoughts come at a rapid speed and usually about random subjects that are unrelated to each other.
- Hyper sexuality – often with the need to have sex several times per day.
- Provocative or obnoxious behaviour
- Agitation
- Decreased sleep
- Unrealistic beliefs in one’s on abilities
- Poor judgement
- Poor concentration
- Loss of appetite – sometimes forgetting to eat for, as long as, days.
- Addictions and Substance abuse
- Denial of a problem
- Often people are afraid to follow the path of happiness because they do not know if what they are feeling is really happiness or a mania episode. 
- In full-blown psychotic episodes paranoia, hallucinations (including sound, smell, and visual) and delusions are also possible.
  • Characteristics of a Depressive Episode:
- Persistent, sad, anxious or empty mood
- Feeling guilty or worthless
- Hopeless or pessimistic feelings
- Loss of pleasure in usual activities
- Decreased energy
- Loss of sex drive
- Loss of memory or concentration
- Irritability or restlessness
- Sleep disturbances or increased sleeping
- Loss of or increase in appetite
- Persistent thoughts of death
  • BPD can result in:
- Inability to function – which also varies in intensity from person to person.
- Damaged relationships – BPD sufferers have a difficult time keeping and maintaining relationships and friendships. 
- Bad work performance
- Suicide
  

More information can be found at:


Video Resources: 


Here is a list of videos that I have found to be helpful and informative.  Though there are many videos you could watch; these are those that have touched me; the ones I could relate to the most.  Most of these are a maximum of 12 minutes long.  A couple of the documentaries listed that are longer, I’ve noted the length of time.  Each of these videos contributes some important information to understanding the overall picture of Bipolar Disorder.  I suggest that over time, you watch all of them.

BIPOLAR DISORDER ISSUES


An Overall Look at Bipolar Disorder

From teamThrive with Bipolar Disorder

Living with Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder Documentary

Bipolar State of Being Videos  (This is a video blog of a woman living with BPD.  I find her video’s wonderful as I can relate to so much of what she goes through.  I’ve chosen these as the once that I can relate to the most, but she’s posted many others.)
   
Documentary: Stephen Fry Story
  

OTHER MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES


Documentary on Mental Illness

Social Anxiety Documentary: Afraid of People  (57 min.) - (Social Anxiety has been a very big part of my life for many years.)

Schizophrenia: A Recovery (26 min.) - (Though this is not BPD, it can give you a glimpse into the world of mental illness.  There is hope though, as this very brave young man shows.  My hat is off to this guy!)



Strictly for the non-sufferers who need to understand this, just let me give you this advice from the perspective of a suffer.  This is what we need most:
  • start by always having patience.  Don’t ever forget that the person you’re looking at, is suffering even when it doesn’t necessarily appear so.  Please be patient, caring, considerate, compassionate, and above all don’t judge.  Basically, love them purely.  I promise you that there is no greater therapy, comfort, advice, medication or support that you can give. 
  • Next, love them enough to want to inform yourself.  I know from experience that it hurts when I get brushed off as though I were a pesky mosquito.  To have someone love me enough to want to educate themselves for me, would show me a world that I have rarely seen before. 
  • Next, understand that when mistakes are made, relationships are damaged, harsh words are spoken, impulsive decisions are made; it’s all part of the disease.  This is not who your loved one is naturally; or highly unlikely.
  • Pray, constantly on their behalf.  Often times your loved one is not capable of knowing the best choice to make.  You can help by praying for this. 
  • Stigma – it’s real, it stare’s us in the face daily.  Do your part to kill it.  Help to inform others. 
  • Rejecting the sufferer, if you love them at all, should be an absolute last resort! 

I hope these lists help you in some way; that your struggles may become easier, if not disappear completely.  For myself, well I haven’t always been the one to chose the path of least resistance in this journey that is my life.  As a matter of fact, even when I do have a choice, often I chose the more difficult path.  Some would say this is... well, crazy.  I’ve certainly been accused of worse.  Of course, those are the paths where I have options and choices.  Mental health issues, in any format, is always the more difficult path; and it is not by choice that we who are suffering follow this course.  The difficulty level is escalated by medication side effects, that are as long and varied as people who are taking them; and the stigma in the world today regarding mental illness.  If I told someone that I had Cancer, Diabetes, AIDS, Crones Disease, or any of hundreds of other health problems; people would not judge me or be afraid.  The first mention of mental illness means I have often lost a potential friendship before it even got started, damaged current ones, or have been rejected by a (potential) dating partner. 

However, I have learned that I am an over-comer.  It has taken me a long time, but I’ve come to see that there is strength, pride in my accomplishments, and a bigger lesson to be learned by accepting a challenge.  My current obstacles have  left me feeling very tired; mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I would love to have a vacation from it now and then, but I can’t.  The best I can have is a quick pit stop.  More often than not I feel alone, isolated and rejected; but I never give up hope.  My hope comes from my faith in Jesus.  I am grateful for Him.  My heart is troubled for those who are sufferers and not believers.  As much as I go through on a daily basis, I know Jesus gives me hope.  Not only for my salvation, but as a child of God I know that there is a very real possibility of me being cured one day (if it is in His will).  It is a huge advantage over nonbelievers.  I also know that there is a very real possibility that my issues could in fact very well be in part, if not all, from spiritual warfare.  The ‘symptoms’ of my struggles also fit into that category, but that’s a whole other blog post.  God is in the miracle business.  I am His child, and He loves me.  There was a time when I lived very successfully without medication for about four years.  I only went back on medication when my life was filled with extreme stress (an abusive situation and having to face a possibility of being homeless).  My faith in Jesus gives me the hope that one day I will be medication free again; and it will last forever this time.  I will be able to live a healthy, productive life without rejection or stigma.  You see, I know that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)).   



~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You for the path that You have chosen for me, and the obstacles that You place in front of me.  Help me to overcome each one in a way that will make You proud of me, and will help me to help others the most.  In Jesus name, AMEN.



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How My Angel Fell Off the Edge of Heaven

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


by Carley Cooper

Prodraw Graphics Public Gallery Photo
Image Title: FallenAngel, Author: Isaura
My original plan for the five article series on angels ended with the last post, “Angels: AJack-of-All-Trades”.  (Thanks to my readers for the great feedback on this series, and for sharing your awesome angel stories with me!  I really enjoyed them!)  Since then God has brought to light for me another type of angel.  Though I briefly touched on it in the last piece, I hadn’t really given the idea of ‘Fallen Angels’ much serious thought.   

I mean, I know that some of the celestial type willingly jumped off the edge of the clouds of Heaven to play in the tar pit; but what about the other angels... the ones that live here with us?  What happens when one of your angels falls off their pedestal?  It can be devastating and life altering.  It can make you question everything you know.  This happened to me.  Someone important in my life has completely changed the nature of our relationship.  It’s left a very big hole in my life that no one else can fill.  It’s made me question the relationship I thought we had.  Is it real?  Was it ever real?  How could I have let my guard down and trusted someone that much?  I knew better; didn’t I?  How do I know who I can trust in the future?  How do I know what’s solid and reliable in my present?  I have plans and goals that I am working toward; and I’ve come to second guess my whole focus and strategy. 

God has been working very hard to remind me of a few things since this happened.  I got a few  divine messages that are slowly helping the dust clear from my head.  I’ve been lead through a long, hard journey in my lifetime to learn to become independent and strong; and an even harder journey to learn to think positively, standing on my own two feet.  I won’t go into the details on that here and now because... well, because I could write a book about that journey.  As a matter of fact I am writing one.  For my loyal followers, be patient, it’s coming!  Anyway, God has taught me (and more than once it seems) that there is no setback that I can’t overcome as long as He is with me (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).  Why do I forget this sometimes? 

Everyone makes mistakes (Romans 3:23 NIV84).  I am to learn from it and move on.  I also, am not, to hold a grudge against someone for what I perceive to be a wrong (Luke 6:37 NIV84).  There is messy stuff that we just don’t want to face; pain, hurt, rejection, anger, the intense need to smack a guy up the side of the head to make him smarten up (eh, well, maybe that last one is strictly a female thing).  These things are certainly difficult, but once you get through it you’ll find that wonderful new things are waiting for you.  My friend once told me, “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”.  Good advice!  I can’t let the past dictate my future.  God doesn’t want me to live that way.  I did for way too long and He’s worked hard to bring me out of that place; so I just can’t throw that gift back to Him.  It would be like saying “Thanks Lord, but I’d rather play in the dirt”.  Truthfully, the original hurt made me really want to play in dirt again.  It honestly looked like the better option.  It’s an option that I am familiar with and comfortable with.  However, God is reaching out to me.  I’ve seen the signs and I have to stop ignoring them.  It is my responsibility to reach out and take His hand.  Romans 12:2 (NLT) tells us “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”  God is challenging me to hold on to the new  mindset that He’s worked so hard to instil in me.  I have to stop listening to lies from the enemy and accept God’s test.   Hmmm, come to think of it, I have been praying that He would show me when He’s testing my faith.  I certainly have no right to complain when He answers. 

My very special friend Ramona put it this way “I know it's corny, but whenever something is removed from our grasp it's usually because God is making room for something better.  Keep the faith, Carley!”  Of course, she also summed it all up very nicely in one of her own blogs by saying “Put on your big girl panties and deal with it!”.  Good advice as well!  On a side note, she also said that I should go buy some awesome new shoes to go with the big girl panties.  (Thanks for the advice Ramona.  You’re a Babe!  I’m thinking red high heels.  Whatta ya think?) 

That’s not to say that all is perfect in the world again.  As far as I can see I still feel like it’s no longer moving on its axis.  I still don’t know the answers to so many questions I have.  I only know that God does know the answers.  I can’t demand that someone respond the way I would like them to.  I can’t make them accept apologies or believe me when I tell them things have changed.  It’s also likely that next time I will test and re-test the water before I open up; but I have to keep faith in Jesus to lead me through.  Not only that but, that hole is still there and it still hurts very much.  How am I to fill that big hole in my life?  I don’t!  God will fill it, and I’m starting to feel a tingle of excitement in anticipation about what He’s going to fill it with.   

I’ve come to realize that if anyone is on a pedestal it’s ‘cause I put them there (hmmm, another lesson that I seem to remember learning before).  No one should be placed on that pedestal other than Jesus.  I am also reminded that my perception of right and wrong is distorted, at best, to begin with.  If the view looks different, maybe it wasn’t my angel who walked over the edge.  Maybe it was me.  It would certainly explain the nasty bump I just felt and the dusty brain.

I love the artwork above.  It's titled 'Fallen Angel'.  I want to reach out and hold her and let her cry on my shoulder without saying a word to her.  I just want to let her feel the safety to let her feelings out without the fear of being judged or rejected because of it.  I so very much want to let her know she is loved no matter what; no matter how broken she is.  I chose this artwork for this post because she looks like me... she has the same body I had most of my life, same hair, same color.  But more importantly; just like me, she's also alone, with the same tears, hopeless feelings and broken wings.  It hurts to see myself like this, but what hurts even more is that someone I love very, very much sees me like this now and has rejected me because of it.  I am broken and no longer good enough in his eyes.  I no longer have his respect, admiration or love.  It's turned my world upside down.  It's a pattern I've seen many times in my life when people suddenly see that I'm not the perfect person they thought I was.  Why do we see ourselves like this, when God sees us so differently?  Why does the opinion of others matter so much?


~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You for never giving up on me.  Thank You for the strength that You give me that carries me through each day.  Thank You for testing my faith.  Help me to see myself and things clearly; from Your point of view.  I also pray that You could help me adjust to changes easier in my life.  I pray that You will restore my brokenness in the eyes of my lost loved ones.  Please help me fill the void that is left and to feel Your peace with me each and every day.  In Jesus name, AMEN.


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Aunt Sadie’s Encouragement

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


by Carley Cooper

Aunt Sadie & Carla (early 1990's)
Candid Photo Shot by Marj Cooper
I have a plaque that is about 7.5” x 5”, and it has one of those little flaps on the back, like a picture frame, that allows you to stand it on a table top or shelf.  The front of it is a sliver plate, with the bible verse from Philippians 4:13 written on it “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  This little treasure belonged to my Aunt Sadie once.  She has gone to be with the Lord now.  Cancer took her away from us in 2005.  When she passed, this little keepsake was one of a couple things that I asked for that was hers.  The other item is a marble collection that she had; that was made into a sun catcher for the window.  I keep both of these things in my living room and I think of her every day when I see them.  The reason I chose this particular plaque was because Philippians 4:13 was her favorite bible verse. 

Aunt Sadie was one of those super special women.  I think all of us cousins, in my family; felt she was a favorite Aunt.  There are a lot of cousins and a lot of Aunts and Uncles in our bunch.  Aunt Sadie, though, didn’t live in Newfoundland where most of the rest of us lived.  Aunt Sadie lived in Albany, New York.  We only ever got to see her every 5 years or so when they came for a visit.  Oh, how we enjoyed those visits!  It was the highlight of our summer.  Actually, it was more like the highlight of our year!  What I remember most about her was that Aunt Sadie always talked to me like I was a real person.  What I mean by that is she never talked down to me like other adults tend to do with kids.  She talked to me like I counted for something; like what I had to say, no matter what it was, was important and interesting.  Then she would always give me advice.  Never once did she tell me to stop being so silly, or so childish, or to get over it. 

Little did I know how special Philippians 4:13 would come to mean to me as well since then.  In the past few years I’ve been through some of the most difficult times of my life.  Knowing that Christ brings me more than enough strength to carry me through any trial has come to be of incredible comfort to me when I felt like I was otherwise alone in the world.  Well, I am about to embark on an adventure, of sorts, that requires I need every bit of God’s strength and guidance that He is willing to give me.  See, starting tomorrow, I will begin serious writing on my book.  Remember the book I mentioned, in my last blog post, that I want to write about my story?!  Well, I have been making notes and coming up with ideas about this project for quite a while now.  I didn’t think I was ready to start doing any serious writing yet.  My thoughts were that sometime next year I would be ready to begin. 

Then, a few days ago I got an email from my beautiful friend, Brenda Wood.  She told me that she and a couple of her friends have entered a writing challenge on a website called “National Novel Writing Month”.  The challenge is to write 50,000 words... a novel.... in November!  Yep... the whole thing is to be written in only a month; or the first draft of it anyway.  As is Brenda’s usual way with encouragement, I was convinced.  I need to start this book now.  It’s time to stop delaying, puttering around, and coming up with excuses.  I am tempted to say that she talked me into it.  However, she only made the suggestion.  It was God that talked me into it.  I am excited and looking forward to this chapter of my life.  I am also scared half to death.  See this project means going through a lot of emotion to remember the most painful things; as well as the best parts, of my life.  When I am done, my whole life will literally be an open book for all to read.  The good, the bad, and the ugly will all be in print, with my name on the cover. 

I can’t help but look at this little plaque on my bookshelf in front of me and think “Thank You, Lord for that strength.  I need it now more than ever”.  It will be the leading of the Holy Spirit that will get me through this time; and the days, weeks and months to follow.   There are things that will upset a few people.  I know that; but I cannot show the glory of God, or grow closer to Him, by hiding things.  Showing the miracles that He has worked in my life; and inside my heart is one of my goals.  I have to be willing to lay it all out in the open or Jesus cannot carry it for me.  Hebrews 4:13 tells us that nothing is hidden from His sight, and that we must give account for everything.  “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account”.  Unless I open my life and leave nothing in the dark, I will be useless to Him.  The strength of Jesus will carry me when my energy is gone because I am feeling beaten, battered, exposed, judged, and possibly even hated; by others.  In the end, the only opinion that should / will alter my life in any significant way is that of Jesus. 

I hear God’s gentle voice talking to me.  I feel the tug of the strings of my heart about this project.  It is the right thing to do at this time.  I can also hear Aunt Sadie’s encouragement telling me that I can do it; and that He will be with me every step of the way.


~~ Dear God ~~    Please guide my every word as I write.  Make my story one that will help others, help me to grow closer to You; and show Your awesome glory.  Thank You for using me to do these things.  In Jesus name, AMEN.


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Little White Lies

~~ Romans 12:2 (NIV84)~~   Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.


by Carley Cooper

Cracker Jack & Casey
~~~~~~~~~
Cracker Jack: "I hate to tell you this, Bro,
but Mom loves me best. That package of
treats she brought home was for me."
Casey: "Mommyyyyy. *sniff, sniff*
Cracker said you don't love me anymore!".
~~~~~~~~~
Photo by Carley
“No Mommy, I didn’t break that.  Billy did it!”
“You are beautiful, Baby.  That dress doesn’t make you look fat at all”.
“Of course I know when our anniversary is Honey”.
“I promise I will never, ever do that again!”
“Yes Baby, I did like it.  That was the best meal you ever cooked”.

Do you see a pattern in all those statements?  If not, read them again.  The common thread is that they are all untruths that so many of us have said in our lifetimes.  They are what most of us might call ‘little white lies’.  Every once in a while a situation pops up where we just do not want to hurt someone’s feelings, so we tell a tiny lie in an effort to avoid hurting someone we love.  Why does it matter anyway?  It is not like someone’s life will be altered one way or the other.  What she doesn’t know cannot hurt her.  Right?

The patterns of this world have us believing that lies can be categorized into various sub-groups such as: Good Lies, Bad Lies, and Really Bad Lies.  We have a longing to believe that as long as we are basically ‘good’ people, do not do ‘really bad’ things, treat everyone the same, and try not to hurt others than we are ‘safe’ with God.  Our attitudes are that certainly, people will ‘tick us off’; but it is better to feel a little out of sorts than to be like the ‘really bad people’ who push their anger to the limits and do something terrible like kill someone.  These beliefs feed into the next one which says ‘I didn’t commit a crime.  My lie, anger or hatred did not actually hurt anyone.  Killing... well, does!’

My very dear friend and mentor once told me that Satan will stand behind us and whisper lies in our ear; then he will stand in front of us pointing his finger and say ‘how dare you think such horrible thoughts’.  He does this in an effort to make us feel guilty, angry, unworthy, unloved, and an endless number of other negative emotions.  His goal is to make us vulnerable.  At a bible study last week, our leader (Pastor, Speaker and Author, Francine Gilchrist) told us that Satan can whisper something in your ear, and then something else into the ear of a friend; in an effort to create a rift in the relationship.  What greater helplessness is there; than damaging our most important relationships?!  It seems, in my life right now, God wants me to be extra aware of Satan’s deceptions.  I say this because the subject of the enemy’s deceptions came up a third time, a couple days ago, during another conversation; this time with my pastor.  He told me that the enemy whispers lies in our ear when we are vulnerable so that we will be more likely to believe them. 

There is an endless list of lies that the world lives by yet not realizing that indeed huge sins are being committed.  Our life in this world will be judged according to God’s laws.  Sin is sin.  The truth is that in God’s eyes, hatred is equivalent to murder.  1 John 3:15 (NIV84) says that “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.”  If you have ever hated anyone, than you have broken the commandment “You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13 (NIV84)).  Lust means you have committed adultery in your heart (Matthew 5:28 (NIV84)).  Gossip, envy, slander, or boastfulness are all considered as evil as any other wrong doing.  (Romans 1:29-32 (NIV84)).  Why is it that we have a hard time believing that these things are actually as serious as any other sin?  Yet, when we read that rape is actually as bad as committing murder (Deuteronomy 22:25-26 (NIV84)), we often tend to agree.  Why do we believe there is a difference?  The reason is because of the deceptions that the enemy whispers in our ear.  No matter how small a lie is; it is a lie just the same.  It is a huge black mark on our souls.

As a Christian with Bipolar Disorder, I am also aware that it is when I am most vulnerable, or when the chemical imbalances are the most ‘out of whack’, that Satan whispers the biggest lies to me.  He picks my weakest moments and the worst of circumstances to tell me the biggest lies.  Fighting him in these times takes every bit of strength and focus I can muster up; and often the strength I have is no where near enough.  Pastor, also said that we have to consciously focus on faith.  The mind is a powerful thing.  With a lot of work, and a lot more faith; we can change our minds and build a strong defence against the fabrications of the enemy.  Keep our eye on Jesus, and God’s Word and we can fight the untruths about ‘good lies’ and ‘bad lies’.  It is by knowing what scripture tells us that we will have the tools that we need to fight (Hebrews 4:12(NIV84) ).  The renewing of our minds through Christ is what will transform us from the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2(NIV84) ).  Without this faith, I would not have the strength to keep fighting (Nehemiah 8:10, Psalm 46:1, Isaiah 40:28-31, Philippians 4:13 (all from NIV84)). 

I have often told people that I would rather hear a truth that hurt, than a lie that did not.  The truth is that ‘’little white lies’ is, in itself, a contradiction of terms; as they are not little, and they are not white.  I am a firm believer in “what she doesn’t know can, and likely will, hurt her a lot” and, when it does, it can hurt in many ways.  Little white lies do hurt... they hurt you, if you are the one saying it; and they hurt the other person because you have just placed a sin between you.  Not to mention the fact that the other person is continuing to build, based on a false foundation.  Your life is the life that will be altered... your eternal life.  The biggest truth of all though, is that we have hope because of Jesus; and with His strength, and the renewing of our minds daily we will have more energy and there will be no more lies controlling our lives.  God’s good, pleasing and perfect will, will be done.


~~ Dear God ~~ Thank You for the hope You have given us through Jesus.  Please continue to renew my mind daily with the Holy Spirit.  Send the angels that You have assigned to protect me, to fight the enemy with me and keep him from whispering lies in my ear.  Please help me remember each verse of scripture in the moment I need it as I fight the enemy and also to help spread the Good News about Jesus to others.  In Jesus name, AMEN.


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Letter to My 18 Year Old Self

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~   I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


Carla - Age 18 - St. John's, Newfoundland
Have you ever wished you could go back and do things over again?  I do not think I know anyone who has not said at least once in their lives “If I could go back and do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would do it so differently”.  Maybe just to give yourself some advice would help so very much.  The idea of writing your younger self a letter is hardly a unique one.  I have read letters written by others to themselves and found them to be incredibly interesting, so I thought I would write one for myself.  The process of gathering information and bits of advice; and forming them into this letter, was a lengthy one.  It turns out, though, that this course has been as enlightening to me in the present day, as it would have been to my younger self, but for different reasons.  It seems that I have come through a lot of trials and trauma in my life.  I am a survivor.  I have grown to be a person that is incredibly strong, and I have enough experience to give some very good and practical advice to someone younger.  Most of all, I can see that I have grown, and am still growing, into a woman that I can be proud of. 




Dear Carley,

Well, you are 18 now... legally an adult just starting your life.  I want to give you some advice to prepare you for the life you are about to embark on.  I know what your first thought is... “Who’s Carley?”  Carley is you... me... us!  It is what most people call you now.  It started as a pet name with just a slight change from Carla, and it stuck.  I let it happen because I like it, and I was on a journey to find and heal myself.  I need to create the me that I always knew was inside somewhere longing to get out.  She is the me in our dreams that few others have seen, and she got lost somewhere along the path tangled in the midst of a lot of pain.  I felt that God gave me the new name to go with the new me.  She is you, and one day she will be me again, only better than before.  The journey we are on did not have to be as difficult as it has been, though I am learning to be thankful for it. 

First; know that It is not only OK to be different, but it is cool.  I know that you cannot begin to wrap your brain around that concept right now, but one day you will see that people who are all the same are not original.  Being different makes you special... really!  Let go of all the bad memories from school when the kids laughed at you, made fun of you, and said nasty things.  They had their own hurt inside that they did not know how to deal with, and they took it out on you.  This applies to anyone throughout your life who says mean things to you; and there will be others.  It is not about you.  Let go of the pain before the nightmares start and you need therapy to get rid of them.  It is important to set boundaries for yourself; which you can do without being mean.  Also, keep in mind that others cannot see things from your point of view.  No matter what you say to others, they will not learn what ever lesson you are trying to teach them.  It takes your experiences to create your point of view.  Only you can ever have it.

When you get that letter from MUN, do not turn it down.  You will regret it for the rest of your life.  You do not need to know the whole plan for your life or what your major is before you start university.  Many, if not most, believe it or not, do not know what they want to do even after they start college.  You are not the only one who does not know.  It will help you find yourself, and help you figure out what your dreams are.  Dream big... do not limit yourself.  There are people there who will help you.  Do not focus all your attention on the one dream of becoming a Mother.  It is the equivalent of chasing your own tail.  Put it on the back burner.  Some of your dreams will not come to pass in the format you hope for; and if you continue to push away all other ideas, your life will one day be derailed.  Go to school.  Choose something that will allow you to express your creativity.  We love Interior Design (not Interior Decorating... turns out there is a difference); and toss in some business courses.  Also you will grow to love writing.  No matter what you do in life, business and writing will be useful.  On the side, do some photography courses.  It is so much fun!  Do not delay dreams like sky diving, underwater diving; or taking lessons in music, singing or dancing.  One day you will feel like it is too late.  Oh, and correspondence programs are not the same.  Do not settle for this.

Next, some things that I wish someone would have told me:
  • Now that you have your license, get a car!  Do not put it off. 
  • Travel.  Go anywhere and everywhere.  The world is not as scary as you think it is.  I know that going to St. John’s at first was overwhelming and terrifying; but it does not have to be.  Travelling is an adventure.  Enjoy it.
  • Read more - for at least 30 minutes each day. 
  • Eat right!  Educate yourself on how to achieve and maintain a healthy body.  Stay away from junk food, non-fat or low-fat anything (they are not as wonderful as the media will make you think they are).  Avoid anything made with white flour, or anything that says ‘enriched’.  Above all else avoid artificial sweeteners and processed foods.  If it comes in a box or a bag, chances are you do not want it.  Do your shopping in the produce and meat departments.  Buy only whole-grain breads and such items... not whole-wheat!  They are very important for good health.  Always go organic when you can.  Grab any opportunity to buy farm fresh unprocessed milk products.  Store-bought dairy are filled with chemicals, preservatives, hormones, and antibiotics; all of which are dangerous, and will affect your health!
  • Exercise.  Every day!  Working out does not mean sports!  Go swimming, ride your bike; but you will find that power-walking is something you will fall in love with.  Hold on to it.  Oh, and do sit-ups daily, without fail.
  • Wear a good support bra.  Go to a good lingerie store and get yourself properly fitted for one.  You are not wearing the correct size.  Do not even bother to look at the price tag.  Whatever it says, it is worth it!
  • Do not mix money with friendship or family.  The two just do not mix well so do not even try.
  • When the time comes and you find yourself watching a lot of TV, turn it off!  It is a nasty habit that was very hard for me to break; but now that I have I am so very thankful!
  • Cut up the credit cards.
  • Do not start taking antidepressants.  You have a right to say no.  Also, do not let them keep doing surgeries because of your ovaries.  There are other options.  Do not trust the advice of every doctor you see.  Read, research and know your rights before accepting care from a doctor.  Not all doctors know what they are talking about, even when they sound like they do.
  • When Mom and Dad ask you to move to leave Newfoundland and go to Ontario with them; do not fight it.  It will be one of the best decisions you will ever make.  There is the most amazing world out there that you never imagined was there!
  • Do not put Dad on a pedestal.  The view is not a realistic one.  You will never stop being Daddy’s little girl.
  • Do not let Daphne and John, Charlene or Charlyse drift out of your life.  You will need them one day, and if you do not stay in touch you will have no one to turn to.  Life is lonely without friends.
  • When, Graham comes along, know that you will be a best friends forever.  Do not let anyone tell you that having a guy for a best friend is wrong.  You will share a special friendship that so many do not get in their lifetime.  One day when an argument gets out of hand, do not let him walk out the door without making up first.  Ten years without him was much too long to wait to see my best friend.
  • Shadow belongs with you.  Do not let him go.
  • Roommates – you will have quite a few.  One named Lawrence is bad news!  Do not go there.
  • Learn to enjoy being alone.  I know that is a concept that seems contradictory to you right now.  Loneliness is painful; but it can also be a wonderful time of solitude.  Learn to embrace that or it can eat you alive.
About men - do not believe everything that some sweet talking guy whispers to you... no matter how cute he is.  The boyfriend you have right now is not as loyal as you believe him to be.  Let that relationship go and move on.  I know it is very hard sometimes to tell the difference between lust and love, but they are worlds apart.  When you are young and know you are in love... you are not.  Real love will come along when you are truly ready for it and there will be no doubt.  Do not be so willing to give yourself to a man.  It will not make him love you.  In your twenties you will get an overwhelming amount of attention from men; especially on the beach and in bars, but beware, they are not chasing your heart.  Before you get married, make sure he loves you as much as you love him.  If there is any doubt, then getting married is the wrong thing to do.  Stop worrying about the clock.  There is no rulebook that says it has to happen by a certain age.  It is better to wait than to end up in divorce court on your 30th birthday.  Finally, do not ever, ever, ever, let any man abuse you physically, mentally, emotionally or financially.  Do not give them power over you by falling for the guilt trips.  Be strong.

Paul deserves a special mention.  When he comes along, just know that his ego is just a facade to hide his big heart, but unlike most you will see through it immediately.  He will break your heart more than you ever imagined possible, but do not let that stop you.  You will share a bond that very few other couples in the world ever get to share; seriously!  You will even have people commenting on it on a regular basis.  Despite the heartbreak, the love is worth it.

Partying - drinking yourself stupid will not impress the kind of man you want in your life.  Partying is fun, but you need to keep it in perspective.  One day when Graham ties you to a chair and screams at you, listen to his message.  Do not fight it.  It will change the path your life is on.  Too much booze will bring you a lot of trouble and heartache.

Of all the lessons that you will learn, of all the advice that you can get from me or others; the most important thing and the most important decision that you will ever make is to invite Jesus to live in your heart.  Do it now!  Do not put it off.  Please look to God for all you need.  God wants you to have a relationship with Him.  Yes... a relationship with God!  I know that does not make any sense to you now, but once you open your heart, truly, to Jesus, you will begin to understand.  It will change your life.  Even the world around you will start to look different... more alive somehow.  God loves you!  Being a Christian is not limiting.  In fact, it is freedom.  It’s awesome!

Once Jesus is the focus of your life you will learn many things, understand things with much more clarity and get many blessings.  One of the greatest will be the gift of forgiveness.  However, first you have to understand that it is something you do for yourself, not for others.  This does not mean that you are telling them that what they did to you was OK; but truly forgiving opens up a whole world of new possibilities.  Always choose caring over uncaring, giving over passing by, give the benefit of the doubt over criticism or gossip or judging.  Do not lose faith in people.  They will hurt you, but they also are hurting; it is not about you.  Measure any kind of frustrations from others or indecisions by this standard... “Will this alter my life in 5 years from now... or even 1 year from now?”  If the answer is ‘no’ then do not give it another thought.  It is not important.

Keep smiling.  You are beautiful.  Please do not start hurting yourself because you think you deserve it for not being pretty.  You are wrong.  One day you will see that a lot of people will be telling you that, and they will mean it.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am a child of God.  I am beautiful.”  Then, believe it!  Every time you hurt yourself, or belittle yourself, it hurts God.  Do not let go of that bubbly personality that so many keep telling you is why they fell in love with you.  If you hide her inside, one day you will not know how to let her out again.  Life can get very lonely after that.

Do not ever quit!  Hold on to your dreams.  Follow your heart and do not be influenced by others; not even Mom and Dad.  You have to live in your body and live your life.  Do not ever hurt anyone to get there, but you have to make yourself happy first.  Learn to push yourself... hard!  You will come to treasure that about yourself.  Do not let anyone tell you that Prince Charming does not exist, or that any of your dreams is not realistic.  Anything is reasonable if you work hard and let God lead the way.  Do not let anyone talk you into limiting yourself like that.

So, my wonderfully innocent and naive young self, if you take nothing else from this message, just remember these things... first, that person who was hurting you before is the bad person.   It is not your fault.  Repeat after me “it is not my fault”.  You did nothing wrong.  Next, invite Jesus to be the center of your world, and learn to dance in the rain; because the rest will take care of itself in God’s wonderful timing.

Love always, 
Me


 ~~ Dear God ~~    I know that I cannot go back and change my life.  I also know that no matter what plan I may have, what advice I may be given; that the plan You have already prepared for my life is the perfect path.  Despite all the bad decisions, wrong turns, disobedience, and sin that have caused so much pain and trauma; I know that You are leading me on my journey.  Thank You, Father for this journey.  Please teach me with each and every step all the lessons that I need to know to get closer to You.  Open my eyes and ears; along with my mind and my heart to be anxious, willing and able to receive the Holy Spirit.  Make me a disciple for Jesus that will make You proud.  In Jesus name, AMEN.


 
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