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Shattered Treasures

~~ Isaiah 40:29-31 (NIV84) ~~  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.



by Carley Cooper

Photo by Carley.  All copyrights reserved.
I used to own a tall glass curio cabinet.  It was about six feet high, two and a half feet wide, and one and a half feet deep.  It attacked me one day! 

The basic frame was wood but the doors and sides were glass, and the back of the cabinet was a large mirror.  Inside were five or six glass shelves.  I had this thing filled to its limits with all sorts of treasures.  I mean, it was packed!  Every piece in it was made of some sort of glass, ceramic, porcelain or crystal.  There was everything from wine glasses, to ornaments; and some special things that I had collected or had been given as gifts over my lifetime. 

No one told me there was a weight limit on a glass shelf.  Someone should have posted a warning sign.  I opened the door one day to put something inside on the top shelf, and the shelf collapsed.  Then, so did the next one underneath and the one under that one all the way to the bottom.  In the matter of seconds, the glass shelving and all the items inside showered out of the cabinet onto me, and down the floor in pieces around me. 

I screamed and my boyfriend, Paul, came wobbling over to see what the noise was.  He was a disabled guy so he couldn’t move fast.  He looked me standing there in my bare feet, shorts and a tank top surrounded by a huge pile of broken glass.  Thankfully I didn’t get any cuts, but it was only by the grace of God that I didn’t.  Paul had warned me at least a thousand times that if I didn’t start wearing shoes he was going to staple them to my feet.  Footwear on a regular basis was an issue for me, but I wished this day that I would have listened to him.  I just looked at him in the midst of my dilemma and started to cry.

“Don’t move a muscle” he said.  

He went to get some clean up supplies and I waited for him to rescue me from my predicament.   When it was all cleaned up I managed to salvage a few items; but most were completely useless because they shattered.  I ended up with a big box of broken glass to throw in the garbage.  So many of my special things were tossed into the trash dumpster outside our apartment building, and I was so disappointed.  What good are they if they’re broken?

Have you ever felt like one of those broken treasures that was tossed out because it was broken?   I have.  I feel it all the time.  How many things in your life have broken you?  My shattered pieces come from  a lot of abuse, divorce, Bipolar Disorder, addictions, loneliness, self hatred, a number of childhood traumas, social phobia, a lot of illness (especially as a child), the pain of being childless (not by choice) in a world built for parents; and so much more.  Before I knew the concept of having a relationship with Christ, I led a very worldly and sinful life.  Paul and I didn’t work out as a couple; but we are still good friends.  Despite our issues, I have always been thankful that he never rejected me because of my brokenness.  For the same reason I felt I had no right to reject him because of his disability.  Who am I to say what is broken or what is acceptable? 

There are many others who have judged me or rejected me because of things I’ve said or done; because of my brokenness.  The pain is overwhelming.  Truthfully, I am still learning how to deal with it.  People no longer want to be a friend; they stop loving me, they decide that they just want to wash their hands of me because I’m just not worth the trouble or that I come with too much history, or I am just too broken.  Well, I’m human.  That means I am broken.  Unless you were born yesterday, each and every one of us has a history which includes pain and suffering.  Not one of us has avoided hitting the floor to become shattered.  God made us to have relationship with each other; and it is necessary for a full productive, healthy life and spirit.  However, I can’t depend on others to rescue me every time I get in the midst of a chaos.  Though, I can’t help but wonder why it seems, sometimes, that I have a special talent for getting into so many mess’s.  Anyway, letting go of the need for the approval of others is one of the hardest lessons I am learning; but then, they are all hard lessons, or they wouldn’t be worth learning. 

Others may judge me harshly at times, but my own personal battle is that I judge myself even harder.  When I am down and broken I blame myself, and beat myself up the most.  I am hardest on myself always.  Why is that?  I’m not sure I know the answer really, but I think many of us are like that.  I do know that it’s about learning to forgive.  I can and have forgiven other people for many bad things.... everything from betrayal by a loved one to forgiving my abusers.  But, forgiving myself seems to be a much harder task to accomplish.  I have learned, though, that I never stop striving to get closer to Jesus.  I want to be like Him so much.  I have found a strength and determination inside myself that I never would have known was there if I hadn’t found Jesus.  Then, again, without Jesus in my life, it wasn’t there.  Pushing myself beyond my limits and the willpower to never quit has become a blessing more times than I can count.  It is overwhelmingly exhausting; but I have found that it is necessary, and a challenge that makes me feel very good once I’ve reached the goal. 

The most important thing that I have to remember though is the point that Jesus is carrying me.  I am not alone.  It is His approval that I need, not that of others.  He has great plans for my future.  If I have a dream, it’s because He put it there.  If I can’t let it go, it’s because He is constantly reminding me not to; and He does keep reminding me.  The pattern is there.  The stubborn and impatient part of me is sometimes fearful that it may not happen (those would be some fruits of the Spirit that are still works in progress in my life).  That’s when the enemy tells me lies such as it is all my fault, that I’ve messed up way too many times, that I have crossed that ‘line of no return’.  I should have known better, I tell myself.  I am stronger than that.  There is no excuse for not pushing harder, no matter how hard I already pressed forward.  There is no reason why I have to be broken.  If I wasn’t so broken, I wouldn’t be in this mess; maybe someone would love me.  But, Jesus does not reject me no matter how broken I am, and even when everyone else does.  He knows my history; even before it happened, yet He loves me anyway.  No matter how much I cry, or how many temper tantrums I throw, or how many pieces I am broken into; He loves me anyway.  As a matter of fact He dries my tears, He lets me be crabby and comforts me; and He tells me that I am a treasure and has already forgiven me!  His comfort is that even though I am broken it doesn’t matter.  I am still useful because He can fix it!   

How many people have rejected or judged you for something?  Have you hit rock bottom?  It’s a very cold and lonely place, isn’t it?!  Was there anyone to save you?  Reach up to take Jesus’ hand.  He loves you the same way.  He knows what you’re going through.  He is there to save and fix you always.  This video below is a song written and performed by my friend Chris Blakley.  It is called I May Be Down.  It has helped get me a very rough patch lately.  Listen to the lyrics.  It will tell you all that you need to know.  You can’t give up.  Don’t let anyone or anything keep you down.  Hold on to Jesus and that relentless drive inside to keep pushing forward.  For me, sometimes that means I have to sit and listen to this song over and over for half the afternoon before the message sinks in; but I don’t ever quit!



Hey friends, do me a favor if you would be so kind... Go to Chris's YouTube page, click 'Like', leave him a positive message and tell him Carley sent you!

(If you’re in the Barrie, Ontario area and would like to see Chris sing or preach; he will be in town once per month on a Sunday evening.  Email me and I’ll give you the deets to come out and join in the worship time.  Or, if you would like to get in contact with Chris for CD's, email me and I will put you in contact with him.  For my contact info see my Contact page).



~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You for never giving up on me.  I am never permanently broken, never defeated, never rejected with You.  Thank You, Jesus; for the strength, courage, hope, drive, determination, passion to never give up.  And thank You for the hope.  Please, do not ever let me lose it.  ~I pray in Jesus name, AMEN.

Oh, and one more thing, Lord... on a more personal note, thank You for Chris and all that he does for us here in Barrie.  Please continue to provide him with the resources he needs to come to see us every month.  Thank You for his talent, his incredible energy, his love for Jesus, his gift for preaching and this awesome song You gave him.  Please let it be as much of a blessing to many others as it has been to me.  ~I pray in Jesus name, AMEN.



72 comments :

  1. I loved this one Carley! It touched me... Have a great week!
    Ray

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    1. Thank you Ray. You're wonderful as always. I hope you have a great week too. HUGS.

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  2. DDTP_HAYESApril 03, 2012

    I really enjoyed your blog. I am also a bipolar christian. I am new to spark people and am having trouble starting my own blog. would you let me know the steps?

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    1. Thank you for your comments. I'm glad you liked it.

      I started out my blog here on SparkPeople. Later, I realized that I wanted to go beyond the SP community so I started my own blog site. There are two main sites that bloggers use. Wordpress.com and Blogger.com. The site will guide you through doing the set up. After that you just need to start writing. It takes a while though to get some regular loyal followers, so be patient. It's why I share my links here on SP; it's where most of my followers are right now, but I am growing outside of that as well. Let God lead you and make it about Him and it will be a success.

      Hugs.

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  3. I have been on my knees often, broken and discouraged, not understanding God was fixing to redome into a better person. Today I hank Him for the ad times as wellas fot the good times. Thank YOU Carley! Vic.

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    1. Thank you Vic. I keep telling myself that you can't get to the other side if you don't go through the struggle first. It's like a quote I read the other day somewhere that said something like; you can't get the rainbow without having the rain. Sometimes my strength is so low that I'm not sure I can make it any further; but it seems I can because I'm still going. HUGSSSSS

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  4. Wow! He is a really great singer and that is a very special song!
    Your blog made me really think about how I view other people.
    I have to admit that i've been guilty of not wanting to friend someone because they seemed too broken and too much trouble.
    Wow. That takes a lot for me to admit that.Me that always says i'm very tolerant.
    Tolerant of what? Of people that are just like me?
    I have to pray about this. And I need to have the courage to face this weakness in me that is so far away then Jesus's way.
    Thank you Carley for opening my eyes for this.
    And I am so sorry that you have to go through these hard times.
    Keep up the good work of Jesus.
    Hug Hug

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    1. Thank you so much for that awesome feedback. To know that I can touch people like that makes it all worth it. Really! HUGS

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    2. You do an awesome job!

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  5. You've got that right, Sister!

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    1. :-D Thank you so much! Blessings to you. HUGS

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  6. I dont feel broken today just pressed down. I am digging deep to find the joy today!

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    1. God loves you and so do I. He has awesome plans for you and for me. I know it's hard to find the joy some days. Just don't ever give up, and don't ever let go of that glimmer of hope. As long as you have faith as small as a mustard seed nothing will be impossible. HUGS.

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  7. CWPRAISINJC1April 03, 2012

    Thanks for the insight. I feel like that all the time, you?

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    1. I do feel that way a lot. I hope that something I've written will give you some hope and bring you a blessing. Jesus loves you. HUGS.

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  8. We are a work of in the potters hand of God. Even the ones who think they are there. Its a life long trip.

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    1. Oh that we are, and indeed it is a life long trip. It's a hard trip but I know that in the end it's worth it. Even during the times when I have a hard time seeing anything good; deep down I never truly give up all hope. It keeps me going. Thanks for the wonderful feedback. I hope you have a great day. HUGS.

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  9. Thanks so much for the great share...it really spoke to my heart...I have been in a deep pit of despair since losing my husband last year....I am finally finding my way back to the Lord and to living!
    Hugs,
    Sarah

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    1. Thank you Sarah. I am happy that you enjoyed it. I am sorry to hear about your husband. I know it's hard being alone. I'm there every day, though under much different circumstances. Jesus loves you so much, and He is waiting for both of us. Blessings to you. HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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  10. I use to feel that way alot because DH and i have sang in different churches for about 35 years and alot of them accepted us until they found out DH has been divorced then they just quit calling us in to sing ect. But i know Jesus loves me and DH and forgives and a man who will give you a second chance third ect. Look at the woman at the well ! I have never been married before and we been married 40 years in May and along time ago i come to the conclusion if they don't accept us thats their loss and go where the doors are open ! I am human and it does hurt but i won't let others take my joy from me !

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    1. Thank you for that awesome insight. You've really made an impact on me today. Thanks. Blessings. HUGS.

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  11. With Jesus by my side I never feel broken beyond repair....

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    1. Thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback. Blessings to you. HUGS.

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  12. Carly, how beautiful. Thank you for the encouragement. I will not quit nor will I be beaten down. I am loved. Hug, Marti

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    1. Wow. Thank you so very much for the beautiful comments. I am so happy that you were encouraged. Don't ever quit. Blessings to you. HUGS.

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  13. I have a friend who is very broken, and most recently, went in the hospital suffering from severe BiPolar. I think she may be schizophrenic. When I visited her Sunday afternoon she was talking about all kinds of strange things, and I just kept agreeing with her so that she could, would be calm. She has many people in her life who have rejected her, and made life hard for her. I love her very much and accept her as she is.
    Jesus does that for us. When we can accept his forgiveness it becomes easier for us to forgive others, and even forgive ourselves. . In fact it is only by knowing his forgiveness that we can forgive others. John speaks of this in I John.
    Blessings on you Carley
    ~R

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    1. Thank you so much Ravyna. Sometimes I wonder how distorted my views are because of the Bipolar. Most of the time I can live and function like everyone else. Then the roller coaster hits, and when I feel out of control I don't trust my own judgement. Learning to forgive others is something that I have learned to do most of the time. It's no where near as hard as it used to be. Forgiving myself is so much harder. But I never quit! I will keep going and I believe that God will cure me of this one day. Thanks for the blessings. I'm praying for you and for the rest of Texas. HUGS

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  14. The thing I know for sure is that God loves me.

    When I hold to that, the world can hurt me but it can't hold me.

    I found your blog interesting as I am working with a friend to help her find her joy!
    I spent a bit of our time today, sharing with her what I see...what is most amazing is all the good I see...she sees negatively.
    I encouraged her to think about a diamond...it has many facets...not all of them shine brilliantly...but without one of them the shine would be less bright. I say that to ask each of you to look at your entire self and see the joy you give to the world...it might help you feel less broken.

    God Bless and thanks for sharing !

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    1. Thank you. Sometimes I think my biggest issue might be needing people too much. I was doing well, until someone I love saw me as broken. Then I felt broken. Thank you for reading, and also for the encouragement and feedback. I said a prayer for your friend. Blessings to you. HUGS.

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  15. DAWNDMOORE40April 04, 2012

    :-( There are times I feel burnt out and discouraged because I have reached goal #1 and now I want more of the weight to come off and it's not coming off! It's so frustrating, but I refuse to give up! I know God has a plan for each of us! I look at my life and what choices I've made! I realize God has to be taking the wheel because otherwise I don't know where I would have ended up! So praise God that I am standing tall in the Faith and I won't give up on my good Health that he has blessed me with! I Luv SP :-D

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    1. Thank you for reading, and thanks for the wonderful feedback. Blessings to you. HUGS.

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  16. Sometimes I may feel that things are difficult and look at giving up but then I remember Jesus in the garden asking God to take the cup away from him so he would not have to suffer. Not even Jesus wanted to go through the tough times but then without hesitation he said not my will but thine be done. I have to force myself to remember that God knows better than I do what I really need at the time so then comes the decision do I trust God or do I shut him out and go it alone. I have found that things work out even better than I could have imagined if I trust God.
    I wish you well as you continue through whatever trials you may be facing and turn to God.

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    1. Thank you for reading, and thank you for the incredible feedback and encouragement. It really does help. Blessings to you. HUGS.

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  17. that is such a beautiful song. It has a great message. Thanks so much for sharing. Hug

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    1. Thank you. I'm glad you liked it... the song and the blog. Blessings to you. HUGS.

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  18. Thanks for the blog, it is very encouraging to know that even I feel shattered and rejected, Jesus is there for me. Blessings Hugs

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    1. Thank you for reading. I'm so happy that you're encouraged. That is a blessing to me. Thank you. HUGS.

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  19. The Lord delivered me out of years of major depression, dissociative identity disorder and PTSD, so ladies, I know whereof I speak. So this is what my heart urges me to say to you:

    My Lord does heal and He does deliver because He is ALIVE! And sometimes we have not because we ask not! You can come boldly before His Throne of grace. Ask and you shall receive! Seek and you will find! Knock and He WILL open that door for you!
    He is a generous, compassionate, beyond-words-LOVING God! And best of all, YOU are the object of His Love! :)

    There is a principal in Scripture about a cup. Do you ever wonder why the wicked are allowed to flourish for a time? Its because the Lord waits to see if their cup of iniquity will fill up. He waits with a heart full of love and compassion to see if they will turn from their wicked ways. When the cup of iniquity becomes full, they are judged by the Lord.

    Likewise, when we pray, sometimes, for reasons the Lord alone knows, He waits to answer until the cup of your prayers has filled. He waits to see if you will fill the cup! He knows that the time we spend struggling through difficult, nearly impossible places is what we need to shape and mold our character to be more like His, if we submit to him. When the cup is full, He sends the answer. I'm NOT saying that the Lord does this every time to every person, but sometimes it seems He does. Depression cannot win against you because the Lord created you to be more than a conqueror! You are made to triumph over the works of the evil one.

    I know that one of the most powerful weapons in our arsenal is that of PRAISE and WORSHIP! Ever wonder why He would tell the Israelites to send the worshipers out in front of the army? Fill your house with music that worships the King of Kings 24/7. Even if it is very quiet, it doesn't matter. Your enemy hears it and it drives them nuts; it breaks them down! It is a weapon in your hands to defeat your enemy. And it accomplishes its goal! It changes the atmosphere you live in to one of hope and joy and loving grace. It strengthens you in your spirit to go forward!

    You ladies are strong in the Lord and the power of His might.
    Love,
    Janet

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    1. Thank you so much Janet for the wonderful message of encouragement. Big blessings to you. HUGS.

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    2. No, thank YOU, Carley! You are brave and walking in a difficult place and I love seeing you lean on the Lord! You are a blessing! You can do it!

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    3. Thank you so very much Janet for the encouragement. It really does help so very much. HUGS.

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  20. VADAVICTORIAApril 04, 2012

    Thank you for sharing the blog. I relate to it on so many levels. We often judge ourselves and others but God never does. He takes us in, sins and flaws and all. He should be the one doing the judging but He doesn't. Instead, He just keeps on loving. I am so grateful that He never abandoned me. It was me who turned away but I'm slowly finding my way back.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading, and for sharing. I hope you are blessed by it. HUGS

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  21. Thank you so much for sharing this - I feel broken so often (due to my own selfishness, laziness, etc) - but I needed this - thank you again.

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    1. Thank you Felicia for reading and for sharing. It helps me so much when I am told that people are blessed by my words. But then, they're God's words because I always ask that God use me to write. HUGS.

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    2. It is a humbling and beautiful experience when God uses us to reach others!

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    3. Indeed it is. God works are so amazing. :-D

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    4. Yes! I have to keep reminding myself of that - also that His Ways aren't our ways - and HIS Ways are so much better!

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    5. Boy, do I know that lesson! Trouble is that it seems I keep forgetting it. It's in our nature that we want things to happen in our own way in our own time. For me, I tend to end up in a huge tail spin when it doesn't happen. Yet, I know from my own history, and from knowing how God worked in my life in the past that His ways always work out to be so much better. I've yet to end up in the end thinking "I still would have preferred my own way". Every time I've always thought "Thank You, Lord, that you brought me through this lesson via this path". Even with that knowledge, next time, I still want my own way again. Why do people like me do that to themselves? But thankfully God has patience with me and lots of grace.

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    6. Yes! I remember reading what Corrie Ten Boom said, that we can't run ahead of God's Will for us.

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    7. That's beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I'll remember that! HUGS.

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  22. I think it is normal to have an idea in our minds about how we want a situation to turn out, but we have to recognize that God's perfect will truly is what we really want. Life isn't worth living if we are not within His will. Then it is easier to accept the way things turn out even if it's not what we had planned.

    ~Melissa

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    1. Thank you Melissa. It's amazing we think we want one thing, but in fact we don't really want that at all. I think about that old saying "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it". It is indeed God's will that we long for. That's why I always try to remember to say "if it's in Your Will, Lord" when I'm praying. Thanks for reading and thanks for the wonderful comments. Blessings. HUGS.

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  23. WOW !

    Another uplifting blog

    THANK YOU !

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    1. Thank you so very much. I hope you have a wonderful week. HUGS.

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  24. LETTINGITALLGO1April 15, 2012

    What a beautiful blog post. You are a talented writer.

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    1. Thank you so very much for the wonderful support! Blessings to you. HUGS.

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    2. LETTINGITALLGO1April 15, 2012

      Wow, I really mean that. I love reading your posts. I come from them with a spirit renewed. I love that you are real and true voicing your doubts as well as triumphs. More than anything I love how God is in the centre of all of it. You are a gifted writer and a marvelous testament of all things true and good. God Bless you for being His witness in a way that makes people feel apart of His love and not rejected from it. Thank You.

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    3. LETTINGITALLGO1 - thank YOU so much. Our pastor talked, just today, about witnessing and how leading others to Christ is the one responsibility that trumps all others. If a church is not doing that then it's not a healthy or functioning church. He says it's dead but not buried yet. For example, he told a story about a friend of his that was pastor at a church and was asked to leave because he spent too much time int he community bringing people in; instead of being at the church with those already there. He told another story that he read in a book; a true story. A young pastor was asked to fill in at another church for his friend who was going on vacation. He got there and was told by the office administrator that she hoped he was good, because she had a phone call from a lady who was lost and wanted to try to come to church for the first time in attempt to change her life. They waited for her. They saw her coming in an old beat up car, wearing jeans and holding a cigarette. Pastor prayed about what to say to her to make sure she was lead into the church. Another older man who felt it was his calling to greet everyone got to her first. He told her that they didn't dress like that in this church and that she should have respect for God. The lady turned around and left before she ever got inside the church. Then the old man said that she was just a rebellious young person. Our pastor says that we don't need to protect Jesus. He can do that all on His own. Our pastor also told us that he hoped that we, as a church, would never be like that... that we would welcome everyone. I sat there listing to this and wondered if I ever make any difference to anyone. Most of my time, I'm not sure. Do I do any witnessing, or leading? God has used you this evening to answer that doubt for me. Thank you so much. You've brought tears to my eyes because knowing that I can affect people like that makes it all worth it. Blessings to you and your family. HUGzzzzzzzzzzz

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