How My Angel Fell Off the Edge of Heaven

~~ Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) ~~  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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by Carley Cooper

Prodraw Graphics Public Gallery Photo

Image Title: FallenAngel, Author: Isaura

My original plan for the five article series on angels ended with the last post, “Angels: AJack-of-All-Trades”.  (Thanks to my readers for the great feedback on this series, and for sharing your awesome angel stories with me!  I really enjoyed them!)  Since then God has brought to light for me another type of angel.  Though I briefly touched on it in the last piece, I hadn’t really given the idea of ‘Fallen Angels’ much serious thought.   

I mean, I know that some of the celestial type willingly jumped off the edge of the clouds of Heaven to play in the tar pit; but what about the other angels... the ones that live here with us?  What happens when one of your angels falls off their pedestal?  It can be devastating and life altering.  It can make you question everything you know.  This happened to me.  Someone important in my life has completely changed the nature of our relationship.  It’s left a very big hole in my life that no one else can fill.  It’s made me question the relationship I thought we had.  Is it real?  Was it ever real?  How could I have let my guard down and trusted someone that much?  I knew better; didn’t I?  How do I know who I can trust in the future?  How do I know what’s solid and reliable in my present?  I have plans and goals that I am working toward; and I’ve come to second guess my whole focus and strategy. 

God has been working very hard to remind me of a few things since this happened.  I got a few  divine messages that are slowly helping the dust clear from my head.  I’ve been lead through a long, hard journey in my lifetime to learn to become independent and strong; and an even harder journey to learn to think positively, standing on my own two feet.  I won’t go into the details on that here and now because... well, because I could write a book about that journey.  As a matter of fact I am writing one.  For my loyal followers, be patient, it’s coming!  Anyway, God has taught me (and more than once it seems) that there is no setback that I can’t overcome as long as He is with me (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).  Why do I forget this sometimes? 

Everyone makes mistakes (Romans 3:23 NIV84).  I am to learn from it and move on.  I also, am not, to hold a grudge against someone for what I perceive to be a wrong (Luke 6:37 NIV84).  There is messy stuff that we just don’t want to face; pain, hurt, rejection, anger, the intense need to smack a guy up the side of the head to make him smarten up (eh, well, maybe that last one is strictly a female thing).  These things are certainly difficult, but once you get through it you’ll find that wonderful new things are waiting for you.  My friend once told me, “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”.  Good advice!  I can’t let the past dictate my future.  God doesn’t want me to live that way.  I did for way too long and He’s worked hard to bring me out of that place; so I just can’t throw that gift back to Him.  It would be like saying “Thanks Lord, but I’d rather play in the dirt”.  Truthfully, the original hurt made me really want to play in dirt again.  It honestly looked like the better option.  It’s an option that I am familiar with and comfortable with.  However, God is reaching out to me.  I’ve seen the signs and I have to stop ignoring them.  It is my responsibility to reach out and take His hand.  Romans 12:2 (NLT) tells us “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”  God is challenging me to hold on to the new  mindset that He’s worked so hard to instil in me.  I have to stop listening to lies from the enemy and accept God’s test.   Hmmm, come to think of it, I have been praying that He would show me when He’s testing my faith.  I certainly have no right to complain when He answers. 

My very special friend Ramona put it this way “I know it's corny, but whenever something is removed from our grasp it's usually because God is making room for something better.  Keep the faith, Carley!”  Of course, she also summed it all up very nicely in one of her own blogs by saying “Put on your big girl panties and deal with it!”.  Good advice as well!  On a side note, she also said that I should go buy some awesome new shoes to go with the big girl panties.  (Thanks for the advice Ramona.  You’re a Babe!  I’m thinking red high heels.  Whatta ya think?) 

That’s not to say that all is perfect in the world again.  As far as I can see I still feel like it’s no longer moving on its axis.  I still don’t know the answers to so many questions I have.  I only know that God does know the answers.  I can’t demand that someone respond the way I would like them to.  I can’t make them accept apologies or believe me when I tell them things have changed.  It’s also likely that next time I will test and re-test the water before I open up; but I have to keep faith in Jesus to lead me through.  Not only that but, that hole is still there and it still hurts very much.  How am I to fill that big hole in my life?  I don’t!  God will fill it, and I’m starting to feel a tingle of excitement in anticipation about what He’s going to fill it with.   

I’ve come to realize that if anyone is on a pedestal it’s ‘cause I put them there (hmmm, another lesson that I seem to remember learning before).  No one should be placed on that pedestal other than Jesus.  I am also reminded that my perception of right and wrong is distorted, at best, to begin with.  If the view looks different, maybe it wasn’t my angel who walked over the edge.  Maybe it was me.  It would certainly explain the nasty bump I just felt and the dusty brain.

I love the artwork above.  It's titled 'Fallen Angel'.  I want to reach out and hold her and let her cry on my shoulder without saying a word to her.  I just want to let her feel the safety to let her feelings out without the fear of being judged or rejected because of it.  I so very much want to let her know she is loved no matter what; no matter how broken she is.  I chose this artwork for this post because she looks like me... she has the same body I had most of my life, same hair, same color.  But more importantly; just like me, she's also alone, with the same tears, hopeless feelings and broken wings.  It hurts to see myself like this, but what hurts even more is that someone I love very, very much sees me like this now and has rejected me because of it.  I am broken and no longer good enough in his eyes.  I no longer have his respect, admiration or love.  It's turned my world upside down.  It's a pattern I've seen many times in my life when people suddenly see that I'm not the perfect person they thought I was.  Why do we see ourselves like this, when God sees us so differently?  Why does the opinion of others matter so much?

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~~ Dear God ~~  Thank You for never giving up on me.  Thank You for the strength that You give me that carries me through each day.  Thank You for testing my faith.  Help me to see myself and things clearly; from Your point of view.  I also pray that You could help me adjust to changes easier in my life.  I pray that You will restore my brokenness in the eyes of my lost loved ones.  Please help me fill the void that is left and to feel Your peace with me each and every day.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Families Are Like Fudge

~~ Galatians 5:22-26 (NIV84) ~~   But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.  Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

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Microsoft Office Copyright Free Images
Fudge Brownies

Family.  What is the first thing that popped into your mind when you read that word?  I will say it again... FAMILY!  What does the word ‘family’ mean to you?  Did your heart suddenly feel full because they are so sweet, or did your blood pressure shoot up because they are just a bunch of nuts?!  Dictionary.com gives one definition as “a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for”.  I really like that definition.  It does not matter what kind of family you came from, what kind of family you have; or what you have been through with them or because of them; I would be willing to bet that you love them.  Whether you came from a traditional family of 2 parents, 2.5 kids, a dog, and a hamster; or divorced parents, or even if the only family you have is a couple of the best friends anyone has ever had; they are your family.  Even when they are making you so crazy that you just want to pull your hair out... or better yet, pull their hair out... you would never want to walk this earth without them; and you would go to just about any lengths for them if it were called for.

Well, think about this next thought for a minute...  Can you say the same about your church family?   Are they part of your life every day of the week?  Do you take care of them when they are sick; give them food, money or a place to sleep if they need it?  Can you confide your deepest secrets with them?  Can you listen to their secrets and truly not make a judgement against them?  Are you able to stay calm and love them even when there is a big disagreement about how the latest ministry within the church should operate?  Do you even think about the people you go to church with as family?  I certainly did not for most of my life.  Truthfully, I had never heard the term ‘church family’ before; despite the fact that I have passed through quite a few churches in my life.  That is, until I was finally led ‘home’.  I think that is one of the things that first attracted me to this church.  I was fascinated with the idea that they were a family together.  From the first time I went there, the first sermon that I heard; it was stressed that ‘we are a family’.  It is still stressed to us; it is a message that is not forgotten.  The more I got to know them, the more I could see that they really are a part of each other’s lives; and not just on Sunday’s?  They love each other.  They laugh, cry, and pray together.  I have yet to hear any gossip or see anyone with a grudge against someone else.  When one grieves, everyone is sad, when one of us is lonely there is a friend that you can reach out to; when one of us is sick, someone will be there to take care of you; when we are hungry someone will bring you food; when we just cannot seem to make a pay-cheque stretch far enough, they are there to help. 

In my time as a member of this family, they have given me gifts that are eternal.  For the first time I have met people who truly do strive live the life, not just talk the talk.  They allow the Holy Spirit to move very freely among them.  I have been invited into their midst and been made one of the group.  For the first time in my life, I know what it is like to belong to a group.  They have shown me that knowing about God is not the same as knowing God; or having a relationship with Him.  I have learned how to forgive; and how to strive for true repentance.  For many years my one “rule of survival”, as I called it, was “never trust anyone for any reason no matter what.  No exceptions!”.  I really did live that way.  I thought I was protecting myself.  The first time that I was told “I will not judge you”, after sharing what I thought was something terrible, my life literally changed.  In that one instant, I suddenly saw light that I had never seen before.  My life, my heart and my view of the people of the world all changed completely.  I suddenly had a door open in my heart that was never open before.  A door that would allow trust to enter in... that would allow the Holy Spirit to enter in. 

I have been given food and money when I did not have any.  Anytime I need a ride, someone is there to give me a lift.  They have let me cry on their shoulders when I had no one else to turn to.  I have seen incredible patience from them while I learn how to emerge from my dark hiding place that was my world for such a long time.  Honestly, I still feel like I am a new; like a new puppy that is still so very unsure of everything and still very wobbly on its legs; but they do not try to push me or rush me along in my journey.  In their own homes, their individual family units pray together, play together and study the bible together.  The men are actually as in love with their wives as they are with Jesus; and they welcome an accountability partner to help keep them on the ‘straight and narrow’.  These are things that I have rarely, if ever, seen before. 

Here is an example of something that one of them did for me once.  It is just a small thing, but it is a wonderful example of charity that I had never experienced before.  The situation was that I was at a church function.  It was a big concert and it was getting late in the evening.  I wanted to go home even though the concert was not over yet.  I do not have a car, and I did not have a ride.  I called a few people, but it seems everyone else was also out that night.  I did not know the bus system, and I did not have enough money for a bus even if I had known where or when I could catch a one.  One of my beautiful sisters in Christ came to me and gave me some money to get a taxi home.  I started to cry, thanking her and assuring her that I would pay her back as soon as possible.  She looked at me and simply said “Why?  We’re family now.  That’s what families do for each other.” 

The closer I get to God in my journey the more I feel His peace within me.  To have the support of a wonderful family around me during my journey is helping me learn how to become more and more like Jesus, as we are called to do.  With each and every small step I take the sins of my past are becoming smaller and smaller.  The more I grow in Christ, the more freedom I have in my life.  In the past, I thought was being free was living behind a protective wall and keeping others away.  Now I am able to see that instead I actually built a big wall around myself so tall and so secure that no one could get in, and I could not get out.  God sent people into my life that are helping me break down these walls.  They not only help guide me out into the light; but also show me wonderful examples of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

As Christians, we know that we are all children of God; heirs with Jesus, but we also know that we are mere human beings living in a broken world.  To me, this means that I am fully aware of the fact that as wonderful as my new family is, that they are far from perfect.  No one is perfect (Romans 3:23 ~ For all have fallen short of the glory of God), and it is important that we do not forget that.  When someone in your family is causing you stress, or just making you crazy; give them little slack, learn to forgive and forget just as God does with us (Hebrews 8:12 ~ For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more) and as He calls for us to do with others (Luke 6:37 ~ Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven).  There’s an old saying that says “Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts!” (~Author Unknown)  Enjoy, nuts and all... sometimes the nuts are the best part! 

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~~ Dear God ~~ Your infinite wisdom and grace never cease to amaze me.  The whole idea of a family is an awesome idea!  Thank you so much for placing me with families that are the most incredible mixture of sweet and nutty people.  They help me, teach me, laugh with me, cry with me, play with me and pray with me.  But Your Son, Jesus, is the most important family member of all.  Please do not ever let us be separated.  Thank You, Father.  Oh, one more thing, Lord; am I one of the sweet ones or the nutty ones?  Never mind... I am not sure I want You to answer that one.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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Keeping Your Eye on the Prize

~~ Philippians 3:13-14 ~~  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

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Free Source Photo

One of the most amazing feelings in this world is the thrill that you feel after you have achieved a goal that you have been working very hard to achieve.  This is especially true if you have been working toward your purpose for a long time, or if you have spent a lot of money, or made some sacrifices.  After months of training to run a marathon you finally cross the finish line; or after months of planning a wedding, the pastor finally says “I now pronounce you man and wife”; or after years of going to school you are finally handed your diploma.  Maybe your thrill comes from something much simpler; like when you finally have all the housework done, the kids are in bed, and it is still early enough and you are not too exhausted to have some quality alone-time with your spouse.

One of these thrills happened for me when I reached my goal weight after being on a weight loss mission for well over a year.  I have learned many lessons from going through the weight loss process.  At least 50% of these lessons are not about health, nutrition or physical appearances.  They are lessons that will not only stay close to my heart, but lessons that have changed who I am... and they are still changing me.  I will not list all of these lessons now because that is surely a topic for, at least, a few other blogs.  However, one of these lessons was that, being patient and waiting for things to happen in God’s time is so very well worth it!  Another was that; I have it in me to challenge myself and push myself extremely hard, and to withstand the test.  Still again, another of these most important lessons was the significance of staying focused on my goal.  Even part of this lesson, was that the real goal is not to see a certain number on the scales, or even to fit into a certain clothing size.  Granted, these are important but to be truly successful on this venture the real goal needs to be that of becoming healthy... body, mind, and spirit!  As my vision developed and changed through the course of my journey, I learned more and more about what is important.  I was able to force myself to press on toward my objective, and I did so without giving into temptation to quit just because I was just too exhausted to go any further.  It was my dream that kept me motivated, determined and inspired.

Another thing I learned is that, the reasons behind being overweight are as varied as there are people who need weight loss.  However, there seems to be one common reason for weight gain among most people; and, believe it or not, it is not overeating!   Well, indirectly, overeating is the main reason; but there is always another reason why we overeat in the first place.  Inside our minds and our hearts there are psychological reasons why we sabotage our health as we do; sometimes, even purposefully as a form of punishment for ourselves.  To simplify it, I believe this to be because deep down inside our hearts we do not love ourselves enough.  To be a success in your attempt to be healthy, the psychological issues must be dealt with.  Without it, you are fixing the ‘symptoms’ without dealing with the ‘illness’ itself.

As children of the almighty God, we are made in His image (Genesis 1:27).  As such, it means that we all want to love and to be loved.  Unfortunately though, we are misled by the world about what love really is and what it takes to achieve that goal.  The world tends to put conditions on love whether we are giving it or receiving it; even when it comes to loving ourselves.  When these conditions are not met we feel unloved and unworthy, which leads to depression and all sorts of other things.  This, in turn, leads to guilt and unforgiveness for ‘falling short’.  To add to the issue, we also tend to be much harder on ourselves than we are others, and we punish ourselves.  Despite how difficult it feels to forgive others at times, have you ever noticed how much easier it is to forgive someone else than it is to forgive yourself?!  This kind of judgement is God’s responsibility only.  We hold ourselves accountable to conditions that we, not only, do not hold others to; but to those conditions that are not possible to meet because they are manmade conditions, not God’s conditions.   

Learning to forgive is vital.  That is, not just to forgive others but to forgive ourselves as well.  Jesus said “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37).   God also said “...I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.” (Hebrews 8:12).  So, if God can forgive and forget just because He loves us that much, than why can’t we do the same with each other, and for ourselves?  Spending eternity with God is our most important goal in life; just as being healthy is the true goal in our attempts to alter our physical appearance.  Not only that but, just like making our ‘goal weight’ the focus of a weight loss program, we are limiting ourselves; we have to stop putting conditions on God’s love, or we will not get to experience life or love to its fullest.  We need to learn to be easier on ourselves, to forgive, to stop judging and condemning.  I have forgiven other people for just about anything and everything; including some very traumatic experiences.  Forgiving me though, is one of my biggest struggles.  Why are we so hard on ourselves when God does not feel the same way?  How about you; are you harder on yourself than you are others?  Do you punish yourself for not ‘measuring up’?  Are you completely sure that you truly have your eye on the Big Prize?  If not, maybe it is time to do some re-prioritizing.

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~~ Dear God ~~   We know that the ‘Big Prize’ is spending eternity with You.  I love the thrill of having Jesus in my heart knowing that He is the only Path that leads to Heaven.  Please help me to forgive myself for not measuring up to my own unrealistic standards.  Do not let me have negative thoughts or judgements about others or myself.  Keep my thought life and emotions ‘in check’ with Your Will for my life.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

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