Advertisment

Think Your Home is Safe? Think Again!

~~ John 3:16 (NASB) ~~  For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.




Photo by Carley Cooper
July 2012 - All rights reserved
Picture this: you’re exhausted, the world is way too loud and demanding lately, and you finally arrive home.  Ahhhh.  Peace, comfort, and your own bed!  This describes the average multi-tasking busy person in our North American society. 

What if your Home was a Painful Place?
For some, home means being controlled, isolation, insults, depression, walking on egg shells; and often threats or horrible violence.  Church family can be vulnerable to snakes slithering in as well.  Even in God’s house the enemy can put himself in the midst of the worship, destroying relationships.  Lots of people have negative experiences with church, resulting in changing churches, or stop going completely. 

I used look forward to ‘Church Day’ all week long.  Three years ago I found a church that is unique, solid in the Word, and accepted me into their midst.  For the first time I was learning how to be part of a community and how to develop a relationship with Christ.  After a while there special friendships formed; one in particular stood out.  Then, I had some bad side effects from a new medication, which caused some problems.  The next thing I knew, my ‘solid’ friendship changed without warning.  He became someone I didn’t know and hurt me; leaving me to feel confused, alone, rejected, and judged.  Turning to others made things worse when I heard “Sounds like a pity party.”  My tears stopped in therapy when Doc said (while shaking a finger) “See, that’s proof that they don’t understand Bipolar Disorder.”  Others changed the nature of our friendships without discussing it; thinking I wouldn’t notice the subtle changes.  Doc said, “It’s blaming the victimYou did nothing wrong.”  Behind closed doors, my friend said he misses me; yet won’t make a connection in public.

God does not Waste Anything; Ever. 
I’m left not knowing who or what is real.  I ran out of service crying on Sunday morning because looking at him, not seeing any compassion was just more than I could bear in that minute.  Doc says he is “taking up residence” in my mind, but “not paying any rent.”  The friend I was sitting with said it appeared I had a panic attack.  Maybe.  I’ve had them before.  I told God I was sorry for disappointing Him, and myself.  But, I am aware I am in this season for a purpose.

Nothing Compares to the Joy of Knowing Jesus.
After service on Sunday someone said ‘You have a very soft heart.’  It’s often gotten me in trouble.  I try showing him kindness at every opportunity because that’s what we are called to do, but my questions go unanswered.  Doc says that I am subconsciously relating this to the abuse in my past because control was taken from me.  Part of me concludes I have to live for me; ignore pain.  How do I do this in a manner that is godly toward others?  Going backward, now, is about as desirable as the other guy’s donuts after having Timmy’s, or settling for mediocre lover after having mind-blowing sex;  or worse, shopping for large sizes after living as a skinny person.  I’ve experienced all of these things.  The enemy says a hard heart will protect me.  It’s tempting.  But I’ve learned to love following Jesus.  Letting Him go would be even more painful.   

God will Always Answer Prayer.
I can’t help but wonder; why don’t our lessons stick the first time?  ‘Standing back’ I can see a repeat of certain lessons in a cycle that resembles the BPD cycles.  Are they related?  Probably; in part, anyway.  The enemy is distracting me and using my disorders to his advantage.  I prayed, again, for some enlightenment.  God sent me these messages:
  • Redemption can only come to those who are lost.”  ~Stuart Mclean on the Vinyl Cafe
  • As we learn to laugh more and cultivate our God-given sense of humor, patience and the ability to deal with the difficult relationships in life will flourish.” ~ Mary Sutherland
  • Be true to what God has put in your heart and don't look to the left or to the right.  Stay focused on what God says.”  ~Joel Osteen Ministries
  • Do you serve God or do you serve your feelings?  Believe the Word of God over and above your feelings.”  ~Joyce Meyer Ministries
You Will be Victorious!
In an abusive household, the goal is to stop it or escape.  Many abused women need help to get out safely (If you are in a violent situation and need some instruction; contact me and I will email you an ‘Escape to Safety plan.)  We are called to have a church family, to socialize and worship with like minded people (Hebrews 10:25 NIV).  Even Jesus went to church regularly (Luke 4:16 NIV).  I don’t want to be one to leave because I don’t have motivation to hold my ground until the darkness ends.  I’m tougher than that.  So are you!  I know I am a member of Christ’s body; and I can’t be a functioning, productive member if I cut myself off from that body (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV).  The world is filled with churches full of flawed people.  It’s why Jesus came; to save us from our errors.  In church family the only danger is the enemy who has slithered in through a back door. 

Like my biological family, I love my church family even though they make me nuts sometimes.  I know it is where I’m called to be.  I got a very specific message from God one day, that said “God’s grace is enough to fix a friendship even when one of those hearts doesn’t know it needs to be changed.”  I know my heart needs changing.  It not easy to admit or submit to; but I am willing.  God’s grace will cover the rest.  This tells me I don’t need an escape plan; I need a pest control plan which is clearly laid out for me in God’s Word.  The season is difficult, but I’ve learned:
  • if I don’t admit I’m lost and submit, I can’t be saved. 
  • Friendships, like any other relationship worth having needs to be tested to see if it is real.  If not, I have to let it go.  It is not one I should have in my life anyway. 
  • I have to stop relying on emotions, the disorders I have, other people and wanting to please them.  I have to follow Jesus.  He will show me who I am to befriend, confide in, and invite into my heart.  When the time is right, it will all make sense and be worth the journey.   
Let’s Pray
 ~~ Dear God ~~   Thank  you for the dark times, because without them I would not realize how beautiful the Light really is.  Jesus came and died for me so that I wouldn’t have to worry about following escape plans or pest control programs.  Please help me to let go of pain and trust that Jesus will never let me down.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It’s Your Turn
Thoughts?  Questions?  Want to share your story?  Ask for prayer?  Please consider sharing here in the comments section; even if the link you clicked to get here was on another site(If you’re on the homepage, click on the post headline, and scroll down to find the comments section.)

Enter your email address to get Worship Melodies posts in your Inbox:
    Delivered by FeedBurner
To prove you are not a robot or spammer you will receive a confirmation email. Click the link provided.
.
Check out these other great options or join in the conversations...

Worship Melodies RSS Feed
RSS Feed
Worship Melodies on Facebook
Facebook
Worship Melodies on Twitter
Twitter
Worship Melodies on YouTube
YouTube


30 comments :

  1. Carley, you have such great insight. Praise the Lord for His being so close to you. Your relationship with Him really comes through in this blog.
    "I got a very specific message from God one day, that said “God’s grace is enough to fix a friendship even when one of those hearts doesn’t know it needs to be changed.” I know my heart needs changing."
    Our only responsibility when a relationship is out of sorts is to do our part to make the reconciliation. We cannot change the other person, only ourselves. I will continue to pray for you in regards to this relationship. Hugs, Ravyna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ravyna, thank you so very much. I haven't written in over a week, because my Bipolar episodes have not been good. It took me all day to write this. Even then, I wasn't sure my message came across like I had hoped. I always pray for God to use me to write a good message. It's wonderful when I get the feedback and confirmation that I was receiving the message from the Holy Spirit; and it's touching people. That one quote you mentioned, I almost cut that one out at the last minute, and changed my mind. I'm glad about that now. You have been a blessing to me. Many blessings back to you. One day when I'm in Texas, I would love to drop in on you. I've always wanted to visit Texas. HUGS

      Delete
  2. thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for replying. It helps to keep me motivated to look forward and to keep writing. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  3. GODDREAMDIVA1August 14, 2012

    Pray, Pray, Pray...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for replying. It helps to keep me motivated to look forward and to keep writing. I pray all the time. I can't imagine my day without it. I'm not sure how I ever got along without it in my BC days. Funny how one tends to forget the worldly things after a while. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  4. I know that when I finally decided to leave my husband, I made very careful plans to leave. I kept hoping that it would change, but when I knew for sure it would not and it was getting worse, I left with my children and our pets. After a time in a women's shelter, we traveled 3000 miles away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so very, very much for sharing your story. Every story of escape that gets told, is another bright spot of hope for those who are still caught in it. You are a blessing. I encourage everyone to pray for abused people, and for the abusers, that are all around us. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  5. Thanks for the devotional it was good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very welcome. Know people liked it helps keep me motivated. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings back to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. You are welcome. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  7. I also have a problem with emotions.
    You've come a long way! Don't give up now.
    You are very brave not to give up the church you know and love.
    God bless you for sharing.
    Hugs. Keep Pushing. Well Done. Thumbs Up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Between not having a husband, not having good training growing up in how to deal with emmotions, bipolar disorder, social anxiety, and ever changing meds; it's a wonder I'm still standing. LOL But I never give up! Thank you for your wonderful support and encouragement. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  8. I'm really sorry if this has happened to you. But if this is just you helping others that is very sweet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, everything I write is about my own life. This is my ministry and I can't show the true picture of how Jesus is changing my life if I'm not completely open and honest. I write devotional messages that are based on the lessons I am learning as I go along in life. That way, hopefully, my trials and triumphs can help others and lead them closer to Jesus as well. But don't be sorry. Every bump is a new lesson learned and another hurdle defeated and left behind me. Thank you for reading. I hope you are blessed by it. HUGS.

      Delete
    2. God Bless you Carly, Not everyone can write like you. your devotional messages are clear and to the point. You've blessed me in a way I can't describe. Through every trial you are able to see where God is and how He's working in your life.

      I look forward to reading more from you.

      ps. You posted something about "who was Adam's wife" , think that would be an interesting study because right now, I'm not liking her too much. LOL

      Delete
    3. Thank you Anonymous.... I am so blessed to receive your wonderful comments of support. I really try hard to focus on letting God change me to be who He wants me to be. It helps that I have a wonderful church who's mission statement is to produce disciples. It's like I said in the article; I have a unique church and they are truly founded in the Word. I've learned that this is not as common as one may believe these days. It's one of the reasons why I don't want to change churches. Finding another so firmly rooted in God's Word will be difficult.

      That article I shared on FB was about Cain's wife. I have done bible studies where this was talked about. I find it to be a very interesting topic.

      I have several books about women of the bible. Contact me through the 'Contact & Legal' page & I will send you some titles. They are great studies.

      Delete
  9. Thank you, Carley, for your inspirational blogs. Staying grounded in the Word of God and all that entails (God's great grace, mercy, compassion and love), is all that I can truly COUNT on. It is because of that, I cannot allow myself to be anxious, worry or be overly critical about how a church or person used the gifts and talents I have been blessed to offer the world . . . God expects us to be cheerful givers with all the love we have to offer. What is important is that we use our gifts to the Glory of God. May all that we give also release God's great love for others. May we continue to be exceptional role models for all the right reasons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing. Being a Christian is hard and difficult; sooo much harder than my worldly / BC days, but I wouldn't want it any other way now. God is good. I pray that we will always be a cheerful givers, and that His Light will shine through so others will see Him. Many blessings to you. HUGS

      Delete
  10. While I would not think God would simply want others to "use" us, we must continue to pray and love others. Easy to say, hard to do. Forgiveness is what we need. Ehagfeld

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm in the middle of a big study on forgiveness in one of my regular bible study groups. I only truly understood what forgiveness meant about 2.5 - 3 years ago. The pastor says that is something he's found a lot of in his career (& he's 80 now).... that most people don't have a clue what the word forgiveness really means. I'm praying that I will get an even deeper understanding through this study than I had before. Thanks for the feedback. As always you leave us with stuff to think about. That's a blessing. Many blessings back to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. You are welcome. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  12. Enjoyed your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. Thanks. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

      Delete
  14. AMEN,Carley. Thank you. This is the Best!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so very much Cindi. You are a blessing to me today. Many blessings back to you in return. BIG HUGZZZZZZZZZZZ :-)

      Delete