~~ Ephesians 4:29 ~~ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of
your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their
needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
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I have a couple of close friends, and my family that I know for certain love me. When I know nothing else for certain, I know that. I also know despite what I keep 'hearing', it is OK to need people in my life, and that being single is hard for me. One of my best buds, Spicy, took
me last week to someone who will help me. I didn’t have the
strength to do it for myself. I didn’t sleep the night before.
My racing thoughts were over the speed limit. Was this a good idea?
My gut instinct said ‘NO’ (with extra emphasis in a glowing, red, flashing, neon). However, God knew my biggest fear and put a
solution in place before I even got there. I got to tell my story, and Spicy
said I did the right thing and very well. The results: I felt like me again for a while so I’m a little stronger, I know there are
others that care, I will have regular therapy in the future, and I learned a couple
interesting things I didn’t know before. Plus, I was reminded, again,
God has everything under control. He won’t forget me or leave me.
The memory gaps are still there, but truthfully, sometimes I’d rather not
remember some of the details. Maybe that’s why I don’t.
There were a few other helpful points as well. One; someone important to me who was in a bad
accident a few weeks ago is getting better. Yay! A huge weight is gone. Then, some wonderful Sparklers glittered, reflecting
the glory of Jesus when I needed it most; when I can’t see Him myself.
Finally, I got to spend some quality Skype time with a very important
friend that I don’t get to talk to often. He said if I didn’t start
realizing how much God loves me, he would be right over and kick my butt. I was left with the age-old question: Why do quick and witty come-back's never happen fast for funny until much later?
These words are among the most dangerous and
destructive weapons there are (Proverbs 18:21). Words can tear down one person or build a whole country. But, how does God
feel about words we use on ourselves? Does it matter that health issues
contribute toward it? The condition of our hearts is what God sees (Matthew 5:27-28). Hatred is equivalent to murder because
it is as if we have killed in our hearts (1 John 3:15). Self-hatred is no less of a
sin. I have work to do.
Those are
Fightin’ Words!
Whether an experience is good or bad, a Bipolar
(BPD) patient lives it BIG. There’s a long-winded biological explanation which
I won’t go into, but negative views are part of the result if the episode is
depression and not mania. I have studied and worked hard in the past 6 or 7 years, to progress a lot
toward being positive; but it’s an ongoing war and education. Maybe it will always take
extra effort, though I hope not. I don’t want positive thinking to be something I do,
but who I am. My brain’s natural programming was installed with
negative information. Good or bad, this is the fact of the matter.
Reprogramming makes everything else look easy. Social Anxiety (SAD) adds a quandary. Part of me needs people to stay alive. The
other part is dying if I get it.
Most negative thinkers are not aware they are. Thinking is just thinking; right?. Who knew there
are subcategories?! No one ever taught me to notice mind-set in myself or others. Therapy since trained me in patterns of self-thought; and everyone falls into at least one. I am called ‘The Critic’. Many have
argued, insisting, I see myself as ‘The Victim’, even insulting when I disagreed. Turns out,
they were wrong.
You Already
have the Enemies Battle Plan
Human beings have a natural tendency
toward sin (Romans 3:23). As hard as it is to
fight, the good news is we do have an advantage over the enemy. God has
given us the enemies battle plan. He will deceive, divide and destroy (Jude 17-19). To win, we have to keep faith
in the Holy Spirit to keep us strong. In the mean time, we are to help
those who are struggling. The only thing we are to hate is sin itself (Jude 20-23).
We have Victory!
Jesus died to save us from ourselves;
which includes negative thinking when we are not capable of seeing the good
things. We don’t need our own strength to keep positive. If we
focus on Him, He will fill our hearts and minds with loving, glorious
things. We are called to love our neighbours as ourselves (Mark 12:31). Logic says if we
can’t love ourselves, then we can’t love our neighbours. It’s a sin to
hate, use bad words, and not to love (Colossians 3:8). God
supplies every need we have (Philippians 4:19) and He has
promised to be close to the broken hearted (Psalm 34:17-20).
Yes, I am broken; but it turns out I’m
not the only one. We each have our own battles to fight, within our own
wars. Words can be used as weapons or useful tools (Proverbs 16:24).
When the enemy is messing with me; using circumstances, mind and body
against me, I only have to look at the wonderful things Jesus promises.
On a side note: if you're actually reading this, the publishing conflicts have been defeated as well! Woo Hoo!
A Few of My Favorite Words
Sometimes Jesus uses others to give us words that build us up. I am reminded; I am loved, wanted, and cared for. Jesus is strong enough to defeat disorders. Below are some of my favorite quotes, said to me by some of my favorite people (in no particular order). Who wouldn’t feel wonderful after hearing these things?
On a side note: if you're actually reading this, the publishing conflicts have been defeated as well! Woo Hoo!
A Few of My Favorite Words
Sometimes Jesus uses others to give us words that build us up. I am reminded; I am loved, wanted, and cared for. Jesus is strong enough to defeat disorders. Below are some of my favorite quotes, said to me by some of my favorite people (in no particular order). Who wouldn’t feel wonderful after hearing these things?
(Out of request
for privacy initials being used. First names & links provided in
cases where they don’t mind.)
- “I love you.” ~MC, SC, PD, SB, Francine, BG, TM, BH, CP, PG, Jesus
- “You have a wonderful sense of humor.” ~CF
- “You’re fun to be with.” ~PHD
- “You’re so smart.” ~CP, AC
- “This is gonna be one wild ride with this chick.” ~ GO
- “My little Carley. I love you more than anything.” ~Paul
- “God does not waste anything.” ~PHD
- “You’re so hot.” ~GO, DF, DC...
- “When you’re hurting you kinda want the sympathy from someone.” ~CC
- “You are a way better Christian; a way better person than I am.” ~CP
- “Life is not a journey. It’s an adventure.” ~AC
- “I really miss our friendship.” ~PHD
- “If your dreams don’t fit your reality, then change your reality.” ~Chris
- “Your writing brought my friend out of depression... your gift touches lives so please don't take your light away... your family in Christ needs your fellowship. Pray we are a light to you as well! God bless!” ~Lisa
- Conversation: I said “They’re called ‘Fluffies’”. He said “No, they are ‘Woofy Fluffers’”. After a five minute giggling session / argument, my brother, sitting quietly in his lazy chair (this is the favorite quote part), simply said “Lint”.
Let’s Pray
~~ Dear God ~~
Merciful, loving, gentle and gracious Father; sometimes the
enemy that I am fighting against the most is myself. Thank You, for never
giving up on me; when others have, and I even have given up on myself.
Help me to be strong in Your mighty power. Help me to put on Your full
armor to take a stand against the enemy. Help me put on the girdle of
truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel
of peace, the shield of faith, and the helmet of salvation.
Finally, Lord, I pick up the Sword of the Spirit, so that I will be
protected from all the weapons that are being used against me, including the
ones that are hurting myself. In Jesus name, AMEN. (Ephesians 6:10-20)
On a more personal note, Lord, I humbly ask Your forgiveness for the negative self-thinking, self-hatred, anger, self-harm; and for all those I leave behind me, hurt at my own word. Help me to forget the selfish need to be heard and understood; and to focus on You. In Jesus name, AMEN.
On a more personal note, Lord, I humbly ask Your forgiveness for the negative self-thinking, self-hatred, anger, self-harm; and for all those I leave behind me, hurt at my own word. Help me to forget the selfish need to be heard and understood; and to focus on You. In Jesus name, AMEN.
Special
Personal Message
To all the Sparklers that I connect with daily: You are like bright sparklers in the dark night for me. You are showing the sparkling glitter of God's light back to me. In four years, you haven’t let me down. The Carley Show has been cancelled, but it’s a good thing. If I remember right Truman eventually found his reality too. Thank you.
Now It’s
Your Turn
Have you ever stopped to pay attention
to your own thinking patterns? How do you see yourself? How do
others see you? What are some of the awesome things people have said to
you? Please consider sharing your thoughts here
in the comments section; even if the link you clicked to get here was on
another site.
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