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Learn to Read Your Stars

~~ Isaiah 40:26 (NIV84) ~~  Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these?  He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.  Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.




Picture: Babak Tafreshi / Barcroft Media
When life is gets hard it can feel like you are swallowed up by darkness.  No matter how hard you try, you just can’t see your hand in front of your face.  How are you supposed to know what to do, which way to go, how to handle things?  You’ve felt your way around in the dark, and you can’t locate a light anywhere. 

You know those times.  I know you do.  Me too.
On top of that everyone brushes you off like you’re just a pesky firefly saying things like “You’re cute to look at, but don’t come  near me, Bug.  I don’t want you biting or bothering me.” 

My Bipolar Disorder (BPD) is on a whirlwind roller coaster in the last couple weeks.  I’m having problems making enough time to do the writing, research, and study that I need to do; so my workload is feeling too big.  (Taking on too much is a typical BPD feature, in itself).  The topics that I’m currently writing about in my manuscript are bringing up issues that I thought were dead and buried.  An hurtful situation with a friend, that happened in February, is still not cleared up.  I’m feeling very alone and disoriented.   

“When it’s dark enough you can see the stars”  
I saw that quote, by an unknown author, float by on my Facebook Newsfeed.  I realized this darkness that I am caught in has some bright points, created from the things I am learning as a result. 
  • The workload is forcing me to really prioritize my “To Do” list. 
  • My current research and writing material is about abuse and mental health issues.  It means reliving bad memories; and learning more than I ever knew there was to learn.  My life and my health problems, from the time I was a child, is a whole new picture.  Pieces are falling into place and making sense like never before. 
  • Abuse situations that I thought were over are still affecting me.  There was a meeting with my friend, who is in an authoritative position, two of his associates; and me.  I am thankful that they were trying to help me, but it caused a breakdown.  My doctor says I had a very typical reaction.  She said that if I had mentioned it, I would have been advised not to go.  She called it “Classic Transference” from an abuse survivor.  Apparently authority figures cause fear in me now.  I suddenly understood why I purposely chose the chair closest to the door just in case I needed a quick escape.  This same fear is why the situation has stalled for me.  His control, and lack of opportunity for me to tell my side of the story, has resurrected upsetting emotions.  I understand my feelings now, and that it is not my fault. 
  • All this is made even bigger because of BPD.  There are medical reasons why I over react to situations.  Turns out, I really can’t help it!  Being aware of these facts doesn't minimize the size of my experience, but I understand it better.
  • Why I see myself as alone is connected to Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD); a lifelong problem.  Doc said that I never learned community.  Again, it is worsened by the Bipolar Disorder because it is typical to have problems keeping relationships together.  So not only did I not learn how to do it, another force keeps me from getting there.  
Dawn will Arrive
No matter how dark it is where you are right now.  You can look up, and see the stars.  They are there, even if you are having a difficult time seeing them.  Some of my stars don’t look really bright at the moment, but I know that God never leaves us alone in the dark.  There is not one of our problems that He doesn’t know about.  He had the solutions all worked out and set in place before we ever knew there was a problem.  He put all those stars in the dark sky so that we could see how pretty they are; so we could be reminded that once the night is over, dawn breaks. 

Let's Pray
~~ Dear God ~~  Help me to always look for the stars in my dark sky, and never let me forget that dawn will happen very soon.  Thank You for always being there, for always turning my sorrows into stars.  Mostly thank You for the brightest Star of all; Your Son, Jesus who is leading us to blessings that come with the morning light, and to You.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It's Your Turn
Thoughts?  Questions?  Want to share your story?  Ask for prayer?  Please share in the comments section.  (If you’re on the homepage, click on the post headline, and scroll down to find the comments section.) 

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20 comments :

  1. Beautiful, thank you for sharing! I love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

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  2. SPARKLISEJuly 05, 2012

    You are so brave and strong!
    Don't give up! Hugs

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. That's a beautiful thing to say. I am truly humbled. Though half the time I'm not so sure about my strength. Two things keep me going. (1) my honest desire to get close to God (2) the fear of what will happen to me if I don't push so hard. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

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  3. ANGELBELIEVERJuly 05, 2012

    I really enjoy reading both of your blogs. You are a very talented writer. You have a challenge with your BPD but you seem to be handling it well. I like your attitude about it and about life in general. I pray you will continue to educate others about it with your experience and I know God will give you all the strength you need do do so.

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    1. Thank you for the wonderful comments and compliments. I struggle so much that I don't often feel like I'm dealing with it well. But when I look back and remember how things used to be, I can see that I am worlds further ahead. I've learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. Plus, now I have the strength of Jesus as my motivation. I'm glad you like my blogs. Many blessings to you. Thank you for the prayers, they are so very much appreciated. Truly. HUGS.

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  4. Nice thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you liked it. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

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  5. franceshdJuly 06, 2012

    Dearest Carley, your posts are such a BLESSINGS !
    THANK YOU for baring and sharing with us.
    We are very alike.

    Love, Prayer & Blessings

    Frances

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the wonderful comments and compliments. The best one being that we are very alike. I think it is an honor to be like you. You are a good friend. I'm glad you liked my post. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS.

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  6. Thanks for sharing,

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    Replies
    1. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS

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  7. SANDRALEETJuly 06, 2012

    I liked this blog

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. I hope you are blessed by it. Many blessings to you. HUGS

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  8. LADYROSE49July 06, 2012

    Carley...You are an amazing woman!! You can do it! Keep pushing! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you are as blessed by it, as you bless me. Thank you so much. Many blessings to you. HUGS

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  9. Carley, thanks for sharing, your blog was such a blessing. I really look forward to reading them every week.

    God bless you.

    We can do it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know I'm repeating myself from the last comment but it's true... I hope you are as blessed by it, as you bless me. Thank you so much. Many blessings to you. HUGS

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  10. NIce blog. Thanks for sharing!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. I hope you are blessed by it. Thank you, as well, for the Goodie. Many blessings to you. HUGS

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